Spectrum
by leithe-soughts
Summary: Post KH2. Sora and Riku return home and find pretending to be normal their most difficult challenge yet. With protective parents, the popular jocks, and Riku's bad luck, will they survive high school? Luckily, their rescue from normality is on the way as the worlds are threatened once again.
1. Prologue

AN: This story has two leads, Leon and Riku. This starts the overall story and with the next chapter it starts Sora and Riku's part in the story. The only pertinent author's note to this chapter is that each world has a Keyblade myth but they don't necessarily believe in it.

* * *

><p><strong>Kingdom Hearts: Spectrum - Prologue<strong>

Xehanort had mixed feelings about the Keyblade Master's statue. On the one hand, whenever he looked at it he felt a dim glimmer of pride that he couldn't quite place. On the other hand, having to babysit Cloud while he had his portrait painted in front of it wasn't his idea of a good time.

It didn't help that Even had foisted Ienzo off on him for the day, and so far he had stopped the brat from picking gum off the bottom of a bench, dropping his book in the fountain, and now the kid was climbing all over the statue.

Xehanort picked up a stray paper streamer forlornly. Cloud had already headed home, leaving him to clean up the mess of decorations they had used in the background of his portrait. _This is what I've been reduced to. Glorified baby sitter in a lab coat. _Ever since his research had been destroyed and he had been thrown out of the lab for conducting experiments on the heart, he had found himself "mysteriously" given menial tasks that Ansem claimed were of "grave importance." He had the distinct feeling that Ansem didn't want him anywhere near the labs. Ansem didn't trust him anymore.

"Ienzo, get down," he called as the kid tried to scale the statue's Keyblade. He turned to walk over to one of the clothing shop windows, staring longingly at the mannequin's comfortable looking clothes, cursing Ansem and his insistence on a "proper" dress code under his breath. Purple cravats were in no way proper for anyone, especially scientists who dealt with explosives. It was on days like this that he wished something, anything, would happen. Anything to spare him from having to go through another eventful day in Radiant Garden where absolutely nothing happened. Especially since now, he was cut off from the only thing that had given him purpose since he had found himself here months ago.

It was at that moment, almost as if called down by his feelings of depression and boredom, the window lit up, before a brick went flying past his head, smashed through the glass, and set one of the mannequins on fire. He stared, and for a split second his only thought was "I'm _magic_" until he became aware of the screaming and general chaos happening around him. He turned, and where the Keyblade statue had once stood, now only remained a smoldering pile of flaming rubble.

"IENZO!" He was the worst babysitter ever. He ran over to the statue, frantically searching through the rubble, shifting aside rocks and pieces of twisted metal, burning his hands in the process, chanting to himself the mantra: "Don't be dead, don't be dead."

"I'm not dead. I'm going to tell Ansem you let me climb on the statue."

Xehanort whipped around, and there the boy was, not dead and holding his book. He nearly fainted in relief at finding his charge alive and he ran to him, checking him for any injuries that he might have missed in his once over.

"You actually listened to me?" Ienzo never listened to him, Ienzo never listened to anyone. Ienzo was a little _shit_ but, he was Xehanort's little shit, and tears of relief were forming in his eyes. However Ienzo wasn't paying attention to him; he wasn't even looking at him.

"I think someone's in there."

"What?" Xehanort spun around, eyes turning to the mangled remains of the statue. The child raised his hand and pointed. Xehanort followed the tiny finger and then stepped between the boy and the statue. "You stay right here, do you understand?" he asked, but really it was an order. Ienzo nodded and Xehanort quickly made his way back over to the smoldering heap.

The hand was small, which is what made him quicken his pace. Too small for a grown up.

Xehanort wasn't sure how he had missed it until he climbed back up and realized that the body was hidden under a twist of heated metal. He cast a hurried blizzard spell and pried the metal off, bracing himself for a possibly really unpleasant image.

It was better than he had imagined. It wasn't a child. He was probably about 15, the lanky phase of puberty. He was intact, which was surprising considering the amount of sharp metal around. He wasn't burned beyond recognition, an almost unblemished face except for a neat little scar that split the skin between his eyebrows. It wasn't one of the people in town he knew, which was a pitiful comfort but one he took slight solace in.

He was bleeding however, pieces of the statue stuck in him in unpleasant ways.

And he was awake.

Xehanort knelt down, making soothing noises as he untied his cravat and pulled off his lab coat.

"You'll be okay," he may possibly have lied as he reached to check the more serious wounds. The boy moved, snatching his hand out of the air and keeping it away from his chest.

"Wha-…" the boy started, voice raw.

"You've been… You're hurt," Xehanort tried to extricate his hand. The boy lifted his head to look down, making a distressed noise at the blood.

"I know it looks bad but you'll be okay," Xehanort continued to lie. "Can you tell me your name?"

The boy turned blue eyes to him, wide and unafraid. Xehanort stared back for a long moment before the boy answered.

"Squall."

* * *

><p><span>AN2: This story is meant to have a lot of extras and these extras can be found at kh-spectrum (dot) tumblr (dot) com, which has a link to the livejournal posting of this story. Feel free to interact, ask questions and leave comments at any of these three places. We just hope you read and enjoy this as much as we are.<span>


	2. Chapt 1a A Dog Named Sora

**Chapter 1.1: Freshmen Again - A Dog Named Sora**

"'What I did this summer', by Sora."

"Sora, what's your last name?"

"There's only one Sora in this class, you don't need to know my last name."

"Sora, don't be difficult."

"Fine, my name is Sora…"

Only three people had read their reports so far and Riku was already bored out of his mind. There were only so many things that could happen during the summer on Destiny Islands. So far, everyone had done the same exact things: swimming, playing, eating ice cream, and generally being bored. And there were only so many things that could happen on Destiny Islands during one school year. So far he had already witnessed all of them from the classroom window: the waves came in, the waves went out, the wind blew occasionally, the trees moved, and if he was really lucky, he might see a bird in the distance. They weren't even interesting birds, they were boring like everything else on Destiny Islands. Well, at least they weren't ducks, Riku hated the damn things. And to think he had almost forgotten why he had wanted to leave in the _first place_.

"It all started when Riku gave into the darkness."

Riku looked up after hearing his name and "darkness" in the same sentence, fearing what would come from Sora's _big, stupid_ _mouth _next. He had more than enough reason to be scared after witnessing some of Sora's more creative explanations of their absence to their parents.

His fears were justified as Sora's _big, stupid mouth _opened again.

"I feel like I should clear up some rumors about what he did in the R.O.D." Riku was too stunned to protest and could only shake his head, praying that Sora would catch the hint and shut up. "He wasn't a stripper, he just wore black spandex and a man-skirt." _Oh god_.

"Wha-WHAT? I DID NOT!"

Sora pouted quite childishly, very unlike the Keyblade Master he was supposed to be. "You did too Riku, and don't forget the purple platform boots."

Riku was about to either scream at Sora or run up and punch him. He hadn't quite decided when the teacher slammed her hand on her desk, silencing the muffled laughter of their freshman peers all around him.

"Riku, this is Sora's talking time. You can talk all you want when it is your talking time."

"But he's saying-"

"_Riku._"

"Fine." He glared at Sora trying to warn him to keep his mouth shut. But this was Sora and he was completely oblivious like usual.

"It wasn't really his fault though because he got possessed by a creepy man named Ansem."

"SORA!"

Riku couldn't believe this was happening. Any minute now the nightmare would be over and he would wake up back in DiZ's basement after stealing some Organization clothes. (He had no munny, what else was he supposed to do? Leather isn't cheap, unless you are Leon who probably kills his own cows or uses tax munny since he now apparently Lord of "Radiant Garden". Riku was still confused… "Radiant Garden"… Sora talked about it like the name would mean something to him, however Leon he remembered. Leather, scary ass weapon, lots of bondage belts, and one hell of a glare… unless it was his version of a smile. It was hard to tell when looking through a window in his Sora-stalking days. Traverse Town had really dirty windows. Traverse Town was dirty in general. Come on seriously, it had scary dark alleys. Didn't they know that was not safe? Were there dark alleys in "Radiant Garden"? There might be since Leon liked dark alleys, not that he stalked Leon while stalking Sora.) However Riku's rambling train of thought was derailed when Sora continued.

"Actually, he wasn't really Ansem, he just stole the name cause he was Xehanort but he wasn't Xehanort either because he was really Xehanort's Heartless. But Xehanort is really 'another' with an X. It is also 'ant hero' and 'rant hoe', but I don't think that's what he was going for."

Rant hoe. _Rant. Hoe_. Riku groaned, burying his face in his hands, unsure of how much more he would be able to take of Sora's "storytelling."

"Well, he pushed me, Donald, and Goofy into a black hole but then Riku's voice said 'Giving up already, lamer? C'mon, Sora, I thought you were stronger than that'."

_'Lamer'?_ W_hat is that supposed to mean? I might have said 'loser' there, but what the hell is a 'lamer'? I haven't even heard of the word. Did Sora come up with it because it is definitely stupid enough._

"Lamer is Seifer's favorite insult by the way" _Well that explained that question_. "Roxas doesn't like Seifer and he really doesn't like Riku. Roxas doesn't really like anyone but he likes me and Axel… but Axel is kind of dead… so… moving on!" Back to spacing out, hoping to Kingdom Hearts that Sora would not go on for much longer.

There was a moment where Sora yelled "LIGHT!" with his voice cracking horrendously. Riku stared at him, concerned for his best friend's mental health.

"We had to close the door but I couldn't because it was really heavy but then Riku popped up. He was like 'Come on Sora, we gotta close it.' So we closed it and Riku was all 'Take care of her' and then said something like 'Goodbye Sora', or even 'I love you'? Or maybe something about the oven? It was kinda hard to tell since it was really noisy."

"You idiot! It was not 'I love you'!" Riku squawked.

"Well fine, what was it then?"

Before Riku knew it, he found himself experiencing a moving Sora flashback. Everyone who had ever met him had a moving Sora flashback at least once during their life, and he meant _everyone_, including some computer security program that should incapable of having Sora flashbacks. Maybe it was a side-effect of Sora's infectious personality, maybe it was just him worming his way into your life forever, but no one escapes without being reminded of how the savior of the known worlds blundered into their lives.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"Take care of her!"

The Door was almost closed. Riku knew he would never be able to get out in time. He would be trapped in the Realm of Darkness with Sora safe on the other side. Sora was looking devastated, realizing that Riku was on the wrong side of the Door.

This was it, the moment of truth. He may never see Sora again, forever trapped on the other side of this damned door.

"Sora! I love you!"

He thought he could see Sora give a confused smile before the Door slammed shut.

He sighed in relief but then realized this was _Sora_. _Sora,_ who probably thought Riku was telling him the _oven_ was on at home or something equally stupid.

He turned around to try to find comfort in this dark place after that disastrous confession to his true love. And that was when he saw _it_. A large, scary rodent dressed in human clothes holding… the… _KEYBLADE!_ His Keyblade! Why, why did the rodent have it?

"Don't worry, there'll always be a door to the Light."

"HOLY SHIT!" Riku yelled and fell backwards. _Oh god, it talks._ He pressed back against the Door in terror as the large mutant rodent approached him, hoping desperately that there was some hidden door knob or something. Anything, _anything_, to escape. He would even put up with a straight, homophobic Sora who didn't want to be his friend anymore.

The mutant rodent opened its mouth and Riku began screaming, hoping that he could startle it enough for him to run away before it ate him. Maybe he should try playing dead, that worked for bears.

"Are you done yet?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Guess not."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"… I'll just wait until you are done."

"NOOOOOOO! DON'T EAT ME!"

"… Definitely waiting…"

At this point, Riku was trying to scale the Door, without much success. His fingernail trails would be a permanent testament to his terror.

Riku finally realized about halfway up the Door that the large mutant rodent was: 1. On his side of the Door, 2. A rodent, so had good hearing, and 1. ON HIS SIDE OF THE DOOR WHICH MEANT HE HEARD HIS CONFESSION! THE ONE SORA DIDN'T HEAR!

"… You done yet?"

"You heard everything didn't you?" Riku finally lost his grip and with a yelp, fell onto the ground.

"… You mean your love confession to the Keyblade Master?"

"No, it was to the _duck_ and the dog."

"Then yes."

The mutant rodent took a step towards him. Riku was trapped, his back was up against the Door. He opened his mouth and to start screaming again.

"Please don't scream!"

Riku covered his mouth and even though he was hyperventilating, he was one of Malificent's henchmen. There were larger rodents in her castle. He would not scream. Manly whimpering however was not out of the question.

"… I'll be over there when you want talk."

Once he was alone, he settled back against the Door to brood. Large mutant rodents aside, this place was almost as boring as Destiny Islands on a good day.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"I don't remember!" Riku's voice pitched up oddly. He couldn't lie to save his life. "I was too distracted by Mickey to care to remember!"

Sora looked crushed. Riku felt guilty but not guilty enough to confess his love _again_ in front of their immature Freshmen peers.

"Are you sure?" Sora asked sadly. _More guilt._

"Yes, I was there. And unlike you, I heard what I said! You on the other hand DID NOT! SO ONLY MICKEY PROBABLY REMEMBERS WHAT I SAID NOW!"

"Oh, I'll just ask the King then."

"NO!" The student next to him actually fell out of her desk in alarm.

"Riku, go out in the hall, _now_!"

"… Yes ma'am."

Riku got out of his desk and on his way, smacked Sora on the head with his fist… hopefully not causing anymore brain damage than had already been done.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Riku and Sora returned to Destiny Islands on a Tuesday. After some teary goodbyes and a few last hugs, they finally started back to their homes, which they had left over a year ago.

Sora opened the door to his house, looking around the living room, tears in his eyes. Nothing had changed. He saw his parents in the kitchen and he ran in, so happy to see them.

"MOM! DAD!" They both jumped and turned in shock. Then there was a lot of commotion (the china shattered) and Sora was enveloped in a large warm parental hug.

"Sora!" His mother sobbed. His father seemed to be beyond words.

Sora's leg was attacked by a small creature. He jumped, Keyblade in hand, prepared for anything, except…

"A PUPPY!" The Keyblade vanished in a flash of light as Sora dropped to his knees, scooping up the puppy. Holding it like a baby (confusing the poor thing as puppies were not held like this) he smiled at his parents.

"I wanted a puppy since forever! Why'd you finally get one? What's his name?" His mother paled and his father looked like he was suppressing laughter.

"Uh… We'll get it changed."

"What? What's his name?"

"Sora." The puppy's tail thumped against Sora's chest.

"What?"

"His name is Sora."

"… WHAT!"

"We'll get it changed!"

"HOW! They learn their names and that is it!"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Meanwhile, Riku found his front door to be locked. He looked around and pulled out the Keyblade when he determined the coast was clear. The Keyblade had practical uses as well. After a moment (and a very dramatic combination of moves and some glowing) the door unlocked, easing open. He stepped quietly inside.

Next thing he knew he was on the floor, his head exploding with pain.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK?"

His father was standing over him, the remains of a chair in his hands, looking as surprised as Riku felt.

"Son?"

"NO! I'm his clone!" Only after saying that did Riku realize he would have to carefully avoid saying that in front of his overenthusiastic best friend.

His father offered him a hand, still holding the chair in the other.

"Why, why did you do that?" Riku said as he got to his feet and was awkwardly hugged.

"I thought you were a burglar."

"How many silver haired burglars do you know of Dad?"

"Depends… are they related to your mother?"

"You're taking me being gone for over a year better than I expected."

"Your mother did enough for the both of us."

"Mom? Wh-where is she?"

"… Upstairs."

"She's in her room?"

"No."

"In the office?"

"No."

"Den?"

"No."

"Bathroom?" This was just getting weird.

"No, Son… She's in your room."

"…"

"…"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"Why is my room yellow?" Sora licked his neck, still awkwardly clutched in his arms. "And why is there a sewing machine?"

"Uh well, Sweetie…"

Sora kicked him in the arm as he walked in the room in shock.

"Why is it yellow?"

"Yellow is a nice color…" His mother said gently.

"Roxas' hair was this color…" He said in a daze as Sora made a strange grunting noise.

"'Roxas' sweetie?"

"My… my bed…" There was a bookshelf where his bed used to be. He reached out to touch it, Sora's legs dangling awkwardly.

"It's in the attic. Along with the rest of your things… Except for some of your clothes."

"My clothes?" Sora growled until he held him (im)properly again.

"I turned them into a quilt."

"A… A quilt?"

"It was nice. It had nice patterns on it."

"… Had?"

"Sora ate it."

"… I ate it?" He was really confused now, and then Sora decided to chew on his shirt.

"No Sweetie. The dog."

"Oh…"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"Mom?" Riku opened the door to his room cautiously. He smelled the incense from down the hall.

The room was dark, lit only by candles. He thought he saw something in the middle of the room, either that or it was his imagination. He stepped in, foot slipping, once again sending him to the floor.

He glared at his new foe, only to find an Ouija Board. Okay, he was really worried now. He took a moment to look around his room from his position on the floor. The walls were covered in something; it was hard to tell exactly what in the dim light but it was definitely _not_ his posters. He got up and brushed off a stray Tarot card that was refusing to let go of its hold on his pants.

"Mom?" he tried again.

Silence.

"Mommy?" This was just plain creepy. Like cheap slasher movie creepy. He looked behind him, worried that maybe his mother was going to hit him with a chair like his father did or maybe even an axe… No, that was more like Kairi's dad with the famous bear incident after all.

There was a strange groaning noise from the center of room. He whirled back around in alarm. There was something there. Something that sounded disturbingly like his mother whenever she went into her several hour long cleaning raids of the hallway closet. The hallway closet wasn't even that big, or at least that had been what he was told since he was oddly forbidden from seeing its interior.

He dared to reach back to flip the light on.

"AH!" Okay, not the manliest scream he had ever uttered but it was totally understandable considering the circumstances.

There was a strange hooded figure in the middle of his room chanting over a crystal ball. He wanted to run, but he was the Keyblade bearer, he would not run like a little girl. Even if they did have an axe, he had a Keyblade, and a sharp one too.

"Riku?"

He resisted the urge to scream again. _Oh god, it knows my name. _

The figure advanced and he leapt back, tripping over his own feet in his panic. Lying flat on the floor and with the hooded demon coming towards him, his terror finally won over. So he did what any other teenage boy who was armed with a legendary and magic sword would do when a creepy demon was in his room, possibly with an axe: he curled into the fetal position. He closed his eyes, hoping the childhood adage was true, _If I can't see it, it can't see me._

He chanced a glance, rendering himself visible for a moment. It was still there and it was looking at him. The demon moved to remove its hood. He couldn't look away, hoping that it would have a head. Sora and he had spent way too many sleepovers clutching at each other in terror while watching horror movies. Demons never had heads and they always wanted yours.

… It wasn't a normal demon… It was a rather feminine looking demon. In fact, it looked like a normal woman... Actually, it looked rather like…

"Mom?"

"Honey!" It was hugging him awkwardly as he was still in the fetal position on the floor. "You've come back! We were so worried when we never got a ransom note!"

"Mom?" That was all he able to say, still shocked that the demon was in fact his mother. Had his mother been a demon his whole life? Was that what was hidden in the hallway closet, a creepy portal to the demonic realm? Was that why he found the Darkness so tempting?

"Oh Honey, what did they do to you?"

"Mom?"

"Yes Honey, it's me!"

"… Are those my baby pictures on the _wall!_?"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

RING… RING… RIN-

_"Riku's Realm of Demonic Torment where he's permanently grounded till the end of time."_

**"… Can I speak to Riku?"**

_"Depends on what moron's asking. Is this Sora, he who saved the worlds and CAN'T RECOGNIZE HIS BEST FRIEND'S VOICE?"_

**"… Riku?"**

_"… No, it's his clone, I killed him and took his place."_

**"IF I WASN'T HANDCUFFED TO THE SOFA, I WOULD COME AND KILL YOU! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT TO RIKU! YOU KILLED MY BEST FRIEND, I'M GOING TO TEAR YOU TO PIECES!" **

_"Sora, don't be an idiot, it's me."_

**"Really?"**

_"Yes Sora. I am not Riku's clone nor am I Ansem or Xehanort or any other non-Riku person… Why are you handcuffed to the sofa?"_

**"Cuz I too am grounded forever and ever."**

_"Don't you have the Keyblade?"_

**"… But don't I have to jump around and stuff?"**

_"Just pretend it's a small treasure chest."_

**"… Oh yeah." **CHINK, click.** "That's better, my wrists were starting to kill me." **

_"So how'd your parents take you being gone?"_

**"They turned my room into a sewing room and made my clothes into a quilt that got eaten by the dog."**

_"You got a dog? I got a creepy shrine in my room, hit by a chair on the head, and almost eaten by my mom who I am pretty sure was having a weird demonic ritual."_

**"At least you have a room, I have to sleep on the couch but I can't because Sora peed all over it."**

_"… Is this Roxas speaking?"_

**"No, it's me. You rant about me not recognizing your voice and you think this is Roxas?"**

_"Sorry, I could have sworn you said 'Sora peed on the couch'."_

**"I did."**

_"… You peed on the couch?"_

**"No, Sora did."**

_"… Roxas?"_

**"No, Sora."**

_"Wha-what?"_

**"Sora."**

_"What?"_

**"The dog."**

_"My best friend is a dog?"_

**"No, the _dog_ is a dog."**

_"Start over please."_

**"Sora, the _puppy_, peed on the couch so I can't sleep on it."**

_"… The dog's name is Sora?"_

**"Yeah, didn't I mention that?"**

_"… No. And since we are now grounded till the end of time, do you think our parents will let us see each other?"_

**"… Only if we are in their line of sight. Or maybe in reach of one of those creepy kid leash thingys."**

_"Don't joke about that, my mom is considering buying one of those things."_

**"… We could always get matching ones, Riku."**

_"How about… no."_

**"Would you share one with Sora?"**

_"Are you jealous of your dog?"_

**"… No... Should I be?"**

_"Shut up Sora, I'm gonna phone Kairi."_

RI-

"Hello! This is the Mayor speaking! Can I help you? Do you need me to kill any large mutant bears? Because that is my specialty! That and women who have supernatural powers, not that I have anything against women-"

CLICK

**"Riku, Kairi's dad is scary…" **

_"I know… It's a wonder she is so… normal. Like actually normal as in she has a social life…"_

**"I used to have a social life."**

_"You never will now because we are grounded for all of eternity. I need to hang up. My mom wants to talk about how I felt as a stripper in the Realm of Darkness."_

**"… Mom is writing this whole conversation down… Like she thinks I'm crazy or something… Wait, what do you mean by 'stripper'?"**

_" Good night, Sora~ "_

**"Wait! Ri-"**

CLICK


	3. Chapt 1b In Loving Memory

AN: We know this isn't how therapy works. Sora's mother is overreacting and has done so since he was a child.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1.2: Freshmen Again - "In Loving Memory"<br>**

"Mom! I'm not crazy!"

Sora was being drug, literally drug, out of the car. His mother had told him that she was taking him on a "family bonding trip" and since he was probably never going to see the sun again, he was enthusiastic to leave the house. That feeling lasted until he realized that they were driving the wrong way… and then he saw _the _building. The same building his mother had drug him to years before the last time she thought he was crazy.

"Sora, this is embarrassing." And to be entirely honest, it was. Everyone in the immediate vicinity was staring at his mother who was trying to detach him from the back seat while his father just stood outside the car and laughed. But Sora did not care, he would rather streak naked through the Organization Headquarters, rather steal Leon's leather jacket, rather do an exotic belly dance for Saix's enjoyment, than enter _that_ building. The building that smelled like socks, was far too cold for comfort, and where they made him sit in their "soothing garden" while asking him questions about how he felt about life.

It took a whole ten minutes to remove Sora from the vehicle and only then, it was because his father stopped laughing long enough to pick Sora up and carry him over his shoulder while he screamed and thrashed immaturely. But once again, Sora did not care he was being unreasonable and childish, his parents were trying to drag him into a dark hell hole there was no escape from: the Psychiatrist's Office.

When his father finally let him down, he was deep within the labyrinth. He looked desperately for an escape. Maybe he could pull a Riku and get emo-teleport powers if he tried hard enough. He made a rather unpleasant face as he tried to channel Riku's spirit, making some people stare as they walked past him. He closed his eyes and opened them again, hoping he would be safely in Radiant Garden or something, far away from the smell of socks.

To his despair, he found himself still in the way too cold hallway. And also to his despair, he was being led towards the "soothing garden." _Soothing, yeah right._ He let out a nervous laugh as he was directed to a chair across from a rather scary looking lady with a clipboard and a pen. He smiled, hoping that she would take this as a sign of his non-craziness. He regretted it when she immediately wrote something down. He shifted uncomfortably. Maybe he shouldn't have chosen today to wear Naruto merchandise, Riku always said that Narutards were insane. Riku didn't understand, he refused to even watch the show. Sora found this ironic considering how he shared so much in common with Sasuke. The creepy pedophile, the betraying the best friend, the weird unexplained clothing changes. Sora looked at his feet where Sasuke was glaring at him from his socks, but at least his socks were matching, that _had _to count for _something. _

He was ripped from his dream world when he heard _the Psychiatrist _speak to him.

"So, Sora, do you like… anime?"

Oh no, she did notice his Naruto footwear… He gave her his most dazzling smile and decided now would be the right time to remove his Konoha headband before it was too late.

"And you must like… orange."

Orange? What did she mean? He was utterly confused. Riku liked orange and yellow and many other bright colors that did not match each other, or his personality well.

"… Orange?"

"Your shorts."

What about his shorts? Did he leave his fly open or something equally embarrassing and potentially crazy? Did Sora eat a hole in them like he did to his other pair? Were his Kakashi boxers showing?

He finally took the time to look at his shorts. Oh, they were orange… And Naruto themed as well… Hopefully she hadn't noticed that since he was sitting on the embroidered "BELIEVE IT!" pockets.

"I think orange is a happy color," he said as he did several weird crouch shielding hand motions. He had just remembered that the front of his pants said in large, blue letters: "I'm gonna be the Hokage!" _The Psychiatrist _looked at him in alarm before writing something down. He aborted the weird letter hiding and settled for something less crazy looking and crossed his arms over his lap. Hopefully she would just think he has weird bladder control issues instead of even weirder Hokage crotch issues. The words weren't actually on his crotch, because that would just be weird on so many levels. If they were, whenever he did have bladder issues, he would have to see "I'm gonna be the Hokage!" and Naruto's smiling face right next to his-

"Sora, we are here to talk about what happened when you were kidnapped."

"What?" That completely threw off his thought process so now he would have to start back at the whole bladder issue thing to reach the conclusion he had been moments away from.

**Sora… stop thinking about that please, it is hurting my brain. **

_Roxas… why did you let me go out dressed like this?_

**In case you can't remember, I told you that you looked ridiculous this morning when you were getting dressed.**

Sora shifted, using one hand to firmly shield the front of his pants. _Roxassssssss,_ he mentally whined, _she thinks I am crazy._

**Oh really? I wonder why?**

"Sora? Sora? Are you listening to me?"

He was jerked rudely back to reality and made a weird noise half-way between a giggle and a snort of laughter. "I'm listening, I was just talking to Roxas."

**Sora, you IDIOT!**

Sora clapped both hands over his mouth in horror, leaving his Hokage crotch exposed to the world.

_The Psychiatrist _looked at him, suddenly interested. Maybe she would see the Hokage declaration on his pants and forget his other declaration of insanity. But he was not nearly that lucky.

"Roxas? Who is Roxas?" She asked him curiously.

Sora suddenly felt like he was being smothered. His hands were moving away from his mouth to rest calmly in his lap. He was confused, he wanted to dance around the "soothing garden" in panic while trying to cover all the Naruto references on his clothing at once but his body was doing otherwise. This was rather worrying. Maybe he was having an out-of-body experience that happens before you die. He made a mental note not to go towards any light but then something even more worrying happened.

"Oh, Roxas? I didn't say Roxas. I said 'ruckus,' I was referring to the noise of the fountain," he said, but it was not him saying it.

_Roxas? What are you doing? _

**You are too stupid to be trusted in this situation. This is my body too now and I do not want to be stuck here anymore than you do.**

"Roxas! That is not fair, I'm not stupid!"

It took him a moment to realize that the inside his head conversation was no longer in his head. It also took him another second to realize that he had jumped out of his chair quite stupidly and was clutching at his hair.

His body began to move again of its own accord, Roxas was trying to act "normal."

Sora freaked. "Roxas! Stop it right now! Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT NOW!" But Roxas was more afraid of being psychoanalyzed by _the Psychiatrist_ than of Sora's wrath.

**Shut up and let me deal with this!** Roxas screamed as he made Sora begin beating himself with the previously discarded Konoha headband. It was rather painful and Sora could feel Roxas wince a little as they did share the same body and the same pain. Sora was not one to give up though so he did what was a rather good idea at the time.

How _it_ had once been a good idea, he had no idea he thought as greenish and weird smelling plant water dripped down his face. He looked at the remains of a vase clutched in his hand. He turned them over in a slight daze. Maybe he gave himself a concussion with the amount of force he had used to smack Roxas, and himself in the process, silly. Anyways, Roxas had by this time retreated to the far corners of Sora's mind, having given up on making Sora look slightly less crazy.

A large, unpleasant, sock smelling, purple flower was obscuring his vision. He brushed it away from his eyes, hoping that maybe _the Psychiatrist _had pulled a Riku and disappeared. She was still there, gaping like a fish out of water, not noticing that she had dropped her pen.

Sora smiled and sat down calmly, and subconsciously put a hand over "I'm gonna be the Hokage!"

They just sat there in silence for a few minutes before she finally spoke. She looked at him and then to her clipboard. "We have made contact."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Riku had reclaimed his island. During his one year of absence, a memorial plaque had been placed on his tree that even said so officially once and for all that it was _his_ island. It was slightly creepy since he wasn't dead, but it had his name on it (along with the phrase "in loving memory"). However, that didn't stop the several preteens that had dared to encroach on his territory. They had grown brave and arrogant enough to think that just because he had been "kidnapped," "forced into sexual slavery," and "became a stripper," that they would be safe when he returned. _Bitches. _

He smiled to himself as he sat on the trunk of the paopu tree. They were trying to steal paopu fruits, _his _paopu fruits. Only one person on this island should be in charge of potentially magical soul bonding fruits and it was going to be him, not a bunch of yet-to-hit-puberty kids. With great power comes great responsibility, every super hero knew that. Not that he was a super hero, he didn't find the thought of running around in spandex appealing anymore ever since the whole Ansem manskirt/platform shoes incident. Though technically that was leather, it was so tight, it might as well have been spandex. Ansem was a sick perv, what more could he say? There were times when he woke up and found himself staring in a mirror… naked… and unexplainably wet. Maleficent had said it was because he was traumatized which worried him even more… Why would he be traumatized? And what did that have to do with sleepwalking and showering? Maybe she did it, _Oh god no! __No Riku, stop and focus on the sunset. _

It was then that he heard Sora trudging across the wooden bridge from the larger island. He didn't even look over as Sora leapt over the paopu tree and came to rest next to Riku. He got quiet as he looked thoughtfully at the horizon.

"Nothing's changed, huh?"

Sora continued to look out into the ocean. "Nope and nothing will."

"What a small world." _And an incredibly boring one too._

"Yeah, but it's part of one much bigger." Riku looked at Sora. He looked… strange, and Riku couldn't quite place it.

Sora tilted his head back to look at his best friend for the first time. "Hey Riku, what do you think it was, the Door to the Light." He said the last part slowly, as if he had to think about it beforehand. Riku looked at him in concern. Maybe there was something wrong with Sora's brain, besides the obvious of course.

He slid off the tree and with a smile, pointed at Sora's heart. "This."

Sora reached up with one hand and placed it over his heart, looking at it in wonder. "This?"

"Yeah, it's always closer than you think."

Sora smiled brightly and Riku couldn't help but smile as well. But it all came crashing down when Sora said:

"What, my necklace?"

Riku stared in disbelief, unsure what the correct response to that question was supposed to be. Was there even a correct way to answer that? Other, of course, than:

"Sora! You idiot!"

Sora blinked his huge blue eyes at him but thankfully, he was interrupted before he could burst into tears.

"Sora! Riku!"

They both spun around to see Kairi running across the bridge. She reached them quickly and bent over slightly, clearly out of breath. Riku moved to put a steading hand on her shoulder until he saw that clutched in her well-manicured hands was their salvation.

Sora squealed and took the bottle containing a letter with the King's seal out of her hands and pried out the cork. He tried extracting the letter from the bottle but unfortunately for him, the message had uncurled so it would not neatly slip out.

Riku, impatient, grabbed the bottle and slammed it roughly against the Paopu tree. He handed Sora the message after extracting it from several shards of glass. He didn't trust Sora and his new found stupidity.

Sora stared at the glass at his feet. "That's littering, Riku," he whispered in disbelief. Riku rolled his eyes. It was his island, he could do whatever he wanted. He could swordfight Sora naked for all he cared, and on second thought, that actually didn't sound like such a bad idea.

Sora finally managed to unroll the letter. Riku looked easily over his shoulder while Kairi had a slightly harder time and ended up having to bend her neck awkwardly to see. Salvation, his _rescue_, was at hand! He had just finished reading the top line when something _evil and messed up_ happened.

The letter was ripped from Sora's hands. Sora yelped in surprise and a bit of… was that pain?

"Mom! What are you doing, you gave me a papercut!" Sora whined, cradling his hand. Riku was concerned and a bit confused, Sora had received much worse wounds than _paper cuts_ on his travels, hell, Riku even gave him some, so why was Sora complaining about that of all things?

But Riku suddenly stopped worrying about Sora because Sora's mother was… No, this couldn't be happening! She was tearing up the letter, his chance to escape from his own mother's interrogations about his "stripper days," his chance to run away from his shrine of a room he was pretty sure his mom had practiced human sacrifices in during his absence.

He, Sora, and Kairi simply stood there in shock until they comprehended fully what had happened. They all began screaming at once.

"MOM! How could you!"

"That was my last chance for freedom!"

"How are we going to see the King now?"

"YOU BITCH!" _Whoa, Roxas is pissed. Some words should not ever leave Sora's mouth. That was just plain creepy._

Luckily for Sora, his mother did not hear Roxas' input. "Sora, all the books say that you should not have any contact with your kidnappers." She then shot Riku a glare. Riku was confused, he didn't kidnap Sora technically. "And for you Riku, just be glad I'm not telling your mother about your language." More confusion. What? Roxas was the foul-mouth here. Unless she thought _he _called her a crazy bitch. He made a silent vow to kill Roxas after this.

"What about Riku's language?"

Riku groaned. "Mom, you said you would leave us alone, we are in eyesight like you said we had to be!"

She ignored him completely. "Honey, it isn't healthy for you to keep in contact with those…" she chose her next words carefully, "_bad people_. Just because you were a stripper then doesn't mean you still have to be one now."

Kairi snorted. Riku would have punched her but he was male and noble, he would not hit a girl for a stupid reason. But if she continued to laugh however…

Sora's mom grabbed Sora's wrist roughly. "I think Sora has had enough excitement for one day. And you, young man," she looked at Sora pointedly, "have to take your pills. And don't try playing dumb with me, I saw you hide some of them in your scrambled eggs."

Pills? Sora had said something on the phone about seeing a psychiatrist and his "Hokage crotch," whatever that meant. No wonder Sora was off.

Riku found himself being drug away by his own mother. "Mom," he growled, trying to release himself from her iron grip to no avail.

"Honey, we have to go too. Remember, we are taking you to the doctor today, who knows what kind of STDs you picked up in the R.O.D."

That earned another snort of laughter from Kairi who was still standing by the paopu tree.

"Mom, how many times do I have to tell you, it is not a strip club!"


	4. Chapt 1c Dodgeball

AN: Kairi is the only one of the trio that is on track in school. She is currently a Sophomore. Riku should be in his Junior year, but he failed his Freshman year before the events of KH1 because he ditched so much school. He and Sora also missed a year of schooling during their various adventures. The two of them are starting Freshman year together.

This chapter also marks the introduction of Final Fantasy XII characters as citizens of Destiny Islands. Everything is explained but if you need supplemental material check the Final Fantasy Wikia. The Mayor and Sora's dad (who appears later) are also Square Enix characters.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1.3: Freshmen Again - Dodgeball<strong>

The next time Sora and Riku were allowed outside of the house without parental supervision was when school started. Kairi's dad was not nearly as insane in that sense, and had actually allowed her to venture outside like a normal person.

"Honey, I found your old uniform from the last time you were a freshman, but you grew so much when you were in the R.O.D… We might have to get you a new one."

"… Mom, just say 'Realm of Darkness' or even 'Realm'. Do not say 'R.O.D'. It spells out 'rod' which is by far worse than any alternative."

"Oh, but Sweetie, I don't want to bring up bad memories. You might go crazy like Sora, the poor kid."

Riku sighed. "Mom, that is my best friend you're talking about. Even if he is insane, he is still my best friend and I don't like you talking about him like that." He inspected the uniform his mother handed him. It looked rather… small. Great, he was going to look like an idiot, in front of Sora! What a perfect way to kick off the school year.

"Uh, Honey?"

He sighed again. "What Mom?"

"… I found these in your room when I was… cleaning."

_Cleaning? Yeah right Mom, you were probably adding another picture to the shrine that you still won't let me tear down._

His mother was offering him something. He took it with a sigh and then finally looked at it. He suddenly went pale. How did she find it? He hid it, he hid it well! But then again, his mom did have a whole year to go through all his stuff, a whole year to find _it. _The _magazines._ And even worse, he kept _them _with his letters to Sora… Did she find _that_?_… _His mother found his stash of porn and his love letters he never got around to delivering. His life was ending.

"… I wasn't sure if it was yours or your sister's."

"That's stupid, why would my sister's magazines be in my room?" There was no point even trying to cover _this _up. He just hoped that she didn't tell Sora's mom about her "discovery." But that didn't seem likely considering that their moms had hated each other for as long as he could remember. Apparently there had been some incident involving him and Sora in the bathtub nearly drowning each other and apparently it still mattered.

"And plus- wait, did you say _sister!_" Up until this point in his life, Riku had been an only child. He stared at his mother in horror as her words sunk in.

"Uh, I didn't say sister."

"Yes, yes you did!"

"… Well, she ran away when you were very young-"

"NO! Never mind, I do not want to know! I do _not _want to know!"

"… You know the hallway closet?"

"I said I don't want to know!" Oh god, they sacrificed her and used her blood to open a portal to the demon world. Was he next? He started to back away from his mother, clutching onto his school uniform and porn in terror. Maybe he could make a run for it, but then again, his father would probably hit him with a lamp or something as soon as he reached the front door, even though he was on the inside of the house and clearly not a burglar. And also, running around outside in his pajamas during broad daylight with the complete series of a certain naughty magazine featuring covers with a rather naked individual that looked only a little like Sora was not a good plan.

His mother seemed to notice his panicky state of mind so she approached him with caution. "Well Sweetie," she said gently, "it was her room."

Riku stared at her in disbelief. This was slightly worse than a demon portal. "You kept her in a _closet_?"

"… It's not a closet, Sweetie."

What? So it was a demon portal after all? Maybe she lived in the demon world, which would explain why he had no knowledge of who she was.

"What's going on in here?"

Riku whirled around to see his father holding an ornate lamp. He had way too many surprise attacks awaiting him during his failed attempts to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night in order to do anything but instinctively put up his arms to defend himself, sending his uniform and "reading material" flying.

His eyes were shut tightly, waiting for the expensive brass lamp to collide with his head and crack his skull open. He just hoped his father had the decency to not hit him with an antique one like last time.

When the blow did not come, he opened his eyes to see his father picking up and casually flipping open… Oh no.

"… Son… Why is this man wearing… no clothes?"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

School was just as small and boring as he remembered it being. The lockers were too small, the classrooms were too dull and there was no excitement what… so… ever.

While walking to his next class however, he spotted a former childhood nemesis. He pretended like he was past it, but really, Basch and his posse had made his childhood a living hell. In fact, Basch had only stopped tormenting him without reason a few years ago when the two of them discovered that they shared a common secret interest. Even so, Riku knew that their truce only extended to outside of school as Basch had an appearance to keep in front of Rasler and Reks. His identical twin brother, Noah, on the other hand was a quiet, well-spoken guy and one of Riku's oldest friends. He was originally the third crew member of Riku's escape attempt, but caught some terrible disease and had to be left behind at the last minute. Maybe that was a good thing, Riku now knew who him and Sora would have eaten when the coconuts, mushrooms, three fish, and the bucket of water ran out. Girls had their uses.

Riku tried to blend into the background, hoping that Basch would maybe not see him. Unfortunately for him, Riku's locker was an ugly beige color and Riku wasn't.

Riku stood there like a deer caught in the headlights as Basch veered from his previous trajectory and headed towards him. Riku's brain was screaming "Run bitch, run!" but his body had a different plan for him. One that would probably end with him being shoved into his locker. And if that were the case, he just hoped that his growth spurt since the last time he was a freshman would prevent Basch from being able to close it this time.

Riku wasn't quite sure how to react when Basch smiled at him. It wasn't the slightly sadistic smile he was used to, it appeared to be a genuine "I'm so glad to see you" smile. However, Riku was yanked from his trancelike daze when Basch tried to crush him with his arms that were as big around as Sora. Riku let out a squeak and leapt away from his monstrous appendages… headfirst into a wall.

Basch moved forward looking concerned. "Riku, you okay?"

"Just stay away! I thought we agreed not to talk during school!"

For a split second, something that looked like hurt and concern made its way across Basch's face. "Riku, you don't remember me? Oh man, the R.O.D. really messed with your head!"

Riku winced. "Why, why does everyone have to call it that!"

Basch looked confused. "That's what your mom told us to call it… Were you really a stripper?" He must have noticed Riku's glare because he quickly said, "If you don't wanna talk about, that's cool. But just know I'm always here if you ever need to talk."

Riku by this time had managed to stagger to his feet. He looked down, the floor appeared to be moving. He rubbed his forehead a bit before the warning bell rang and he realized he was going to be late. He took off down the hall, managing to trip Rasler in the process.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

So far the only good thing about the first day of school was PE. Well the only thing coming close in awesomeness being the whole dressing out for PE with Sora, but that was technically part of the PE process and he would get to do it again at the end of class anyway. Sora had a very strange taste in underwear, that was for sure. He knew Sora liked Naruto (for no reason he could see, the show was stupid in his opinion), but he didn't know Sora liked it _that _much.

Dodgeball however was the thing that made PE complete. It was ruthless, violent, and simple. Plus, he could actually _win _at it. Soccer and basketball, that was a completely different story. Apparently it was _wrong _to foul your own teammates when they got in your way. It wasn't like there were any broken bones involved, okay, maybe once… or twice but it was their own fault they got in his way, he was the juggernaut and accidents happen when you punch someone in the face because they are in between you and the soccer ball.

He threw a carefully aimed Nerf ball across the gym and smiled when it made the girl he hit cry. Too bad Kairi wasn't in PE with him. She would regret ever saying that he threw like a girl. But no, _Kairi _actually completed Freshman year, _Kairi _was a sophomore, _Kairi _wasn't a failure. Apparently they won't let you pass to the next year if you miss 180 days of school. It wasn't his fault he was "abducted" and was treated like a sexual object by several creepy old men (DiZ made him clean while wearing weird outfits). It wasn't his fault he was pretty. It also wasn't his fault that he was two years behind in school, even if the first two times he didn't show up. The first year he was building the raft (aka ditching) and the second he was trying to save Sora! It was not fair! He was supposed to be a JUNIOR! Well at least Sora was a freshman with him so he wouldn't be regarded as _the_ school idiot, he would just be one of the two.

Speaking of idiots:

"Hey Riku! Catch!"

Catch? Ok someone was obviously confused on the rules of Dodgeball. It was to injure as many weaklings as possible until you were the only one left conscious. He easily sidestepped the orange ball and looked at the idiot who threw it at him.

It was Sora who was bouncing up and down in excitement, hoarding at least five Nerf balls. Riku narrowed his eyes. Those should be his Nerf balls. Sora's balls should belong to him! And that came out… weirder than intended.

A ball flew towards him, thrown by an annoying red-head who thought himself as the King of Dodgeball. He easily dodged it and picked it up.

"Feel this!" He threw it back at Wakka who shrieked in alarm as it collided with his skull. He would be feeling that one for days, served him right.

"What?"

Riku looked at Sora who looked very confused. "Why did you say 'kneel bitch' to Wakka? I thought you only said that to me! Or maybe it was Ansem who says that…"

_What the fuck? _

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Sora loved Dodgeball. Almost as much as he loved Riku and Kairi and ice cream and Sora (the dog that is).

He reached down to pick up another ball. Now he had ten! This was so much fun. He liked holding them more than throwing them. And also Riku by this time had eliminated every other competitor so there was no one to throw them at anymore.

**Sora, you can eliminate him you know, you are supposed to. You have all the Nerf balls! Kill Slutty while he is defenseless!**

Sora frowned. _Roxas, that is mean and uncalled for. And besides, he is wearing gym clothes just like everyone else. _

**Yeah but unlike everyone else, he wears them slutty. Please, let me do it if you aren't going to! I need violence! Maybe this time he will put up a fight since he isn't wearing a stupid blindfold! Hey, watch out, Emo alert.**

This confused Sora. What did that mean, was he going emo? Was Roxas going emo?

**You idiot, RIKU!**

"Oi, toss me one of those balls."

Sora shifted nervously from foot to foot. Riku was looking at him in a predatory manner, like he was going to eat him or something.

"No… You might kill me."

Riku flashed him a charming smile. "Sora, would I ever do something like that. Come on. Please."

"No."

"Sora, at least one of your balls belongs to me."

Sora blushed. Riku sighed.

"Okay, that did come out wrong, now give one to me."

Sora paused and rolled one across the gym floor. Riku picked it up and ran towards him. He took a running leap and all Sora's drugged mind could think was, wow, _Riku can sure jump high_, before-

The next thing Sora knew, he was on the floor with blood streaming out of both nostrils and the PE teacher was screaming at Riku, who looked slightly guilty but mostly sadistically self-satisfied.

He tried to get up but fell back down as soon as he got to his feet. He clutched his head in pain. Even though it was a Nerf ball, it felt as if Riku had hit him in the face with a brick.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"Noah, thank god I finally found you. Your brother tried to… I'm not exactly sure. I think it was some manly attempt at comforting me… it might have even been a hug. Don't tell me that Reks and Rasler are going to try that too… That would just be weird."

Riku had finally found the longer haired twin at lunch after much searching and even losing Sora in the process. Sora was very slow today, something that was _so_ not Riku's fault since really, Sora should learn how to dodge.

Noah didn't look too happy at seeing him though, he just poked his school lunch with a fork after growling out, "I thought we agreed not to talk during school, Bean-Curd." Riku felt a pang of irritation and he picked up a tomato off of his friend's lunch tray and flicked it at him as he slid in next to him at the lunch table.

"Dude, that was uncalled for. But anyways, I'm sorry. I would have taken you on the raft but you got mono from your brother and I don't want to know how that happened, especially since I'm pretty sure he got it from Reks… or Vossler… or maybe even Rasler? Or all three, so anyways, stop acting all offended."

But Noah did not appear to be listening. He was doing what Riku could only describe as "the slow mo" turn. Riku started to feel a bit nervous when Noah put his hands around Riku's neck. Maybe Noah was just going to give him a manly hug like Basch had tried to do. However, Riku was pretty sure a hug from Basch would be fatal so he was glad he dodged when he did because even if he suffered from a concussion, it was better than being crushed by Basch's gorilla arms. Huh, Noah appeared to be wrapping his large hands around his neck. Riku was very possessive of his neck and did not like people touching it. There was a reason why he wore all those turtlenecks, that and he thought he looked fantastic in them. DiZ disagreed, that is why Riku got new clothes. DiZ had always said something about how "I cannot stand the blue and the yellow… together." Riku did not get what he was talking about. Blue and Yellow were meant to go together, they were called clashing for a reason! Wait… that didn't make sense. But that was not important as Basch had appeared from nowhere and was walking quickly towards him.

"Riku! What are you doing?"

Noah's grip on his neck appeared to be tightening. Basch was now running towards him.

Riku's eyes widened as Basch took a flying leap at them. Basch should never leave the ground, he weighed probably about a million pounds and Riku's mouth opened in a silent scream at the realization that he was probably going to die now. For a second, he could have sworn time slowed as he watched Basch's body glide through the air, getting closer and closer until-

WHAM!

Basch tackled Noah, effectively sending him, Riku, and Noah's salad flat to the ground. Riku gasped for air, the wind knocked completely out of him. He was just glad Basch landed on his brother since Noah could handle his clean-shaven twin, and Riku could most certainly not. He hoped he could crawl away before the fists started flying. But before he could even manage to stop wheezing, Basch had jumped up and turned towards Riku.

Riku repressed a whimper. He was going to die now, he could sense it. Pathetic whimpering turned to yelling and thrashing when Basch grabbed his wrist and dragged him along the ground away from Noah, who was just now recovering from being flattened by his ginormous brother.

Riku let out a yelp as Noah reached out and grabbed onto his ankle with an iron grip. Riku now knew what it was like to be like one of Sora's tug toys and made a silent vow to never abuse dog toys again. Both Basch and Noah were strong and large and he felt like his arm was going to be ripped off. He was just glad Noah had a firm grip on his ankle, not on his pants because if that were the case, most likely his school uniform would be on the floor and the question of "boxers or briefs" would be forever answered.

Noah lost his grip on Riku's ankle. Riku wasn't sure if this were a good thing or a bad thing. He was no longer in immediate danger of losing limbs but then Basch continued dragging him away to molest and humiliate him in the locker rooms with Reks and Rasler. Definite bad thing.

"Let go of me!" Riku shrieked at Basch. He flailed around in the way you would expect a dying fish to. If fish had arms and legs and were trying to escape possible hazing by Seniors.

Basch looked at him funny. "Riku, what is your problem?"

By this time, a crowd was starting to gather around them and the cafeteria was completely silent save for a few people that were starting a chant of "Fight, Fight, Fight."

Basch turned towards his brother who had a very un-Noah-like expression on his face, a face you would expect to see the man with the hook make when you discovered him in the back of your car when he was about to take off your head with an axe.

"Basch! You cut that out right now!" Basch screamed at Noah- hey, wait a second! There was something seriously weird going on here. Something was not right… Riku looked at the two identical twins in confusion. And then it dawned on him finally.

"Noah?"

"Basch" looked down at him from where he had an iron grip on Riku's wrist.

"… Yes. Why do you sound so surprised?"

"Noah?" he repeated dumbly, still in shock. "… You cut your hair." But then the actual Basch made an alarming snarling noise at him and Riku turned back from looking at the possibly rabid twin to stare dumbly at his friend. "Are you telling me," he said slowly, "I just flicked a _tomato_ at _Basch_?"

His question was answered when Basch made the possessed growling noise again. Riku's eyes went wide as the twin tried to grab him, Noah just barely managing to pull him out of reach before Basch's million pound body came down on where Riku had previously been trying hard not to die. Noah helped him to his feet and they ran for their lives out of the cafeteria.


	5. Chapt 1d Riku's Worst Day Ever

AN: This really deserves the title "Riku's Worst Day Ever". This part comes with a strong warning for second hand humiliation for Riku (all caused by Sora).

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1.4: Freshmen Again - Riku's Worst Day Ever<br>**

Riku hated spaghetti, but he hated school even more. School and everything that went along with it, including Sora. _Especially_ Sora. He was mad at him and unless the brunet showed up at his front door wearing absolutely nothing, it was going to stay that way until he finally cracked and couldn't hate Sora anymore. Sora was irritating that way, you could not stay mad at him even when you really wanted to.

He poked at his spaghetti angrily. He _really_ hated spaghetti.

"Uh Honey, we got an interesting call from school today… Something about a Nerf ball?"

Riku looked up from his plate and at his mother. He now really hated school, the school that decided to call his parents because Sora could not dodge.

"Mom, we were playing dodge ball. It is survival of the fittest for PE. Sora was found lacking."

"… What about the fire in Home EC?"

"Sora and Kairi started it, I was putting it out."

"Honey, we can home school you. I know that this is a big adjustment from being in the R.O.D."

Riku's eye twitched.

" 'Realm of Darkness' or just 'Realm,' Mom."

"You know, Son, I know how hard school can be with a wild friend." Riku looked over at his father. "After all, Sora's dad and I have been best friends ever since we were kids, just like you and Sora."

"But you married Mom!"

An awkward silence filled the room. It was broken when Riku's mother dropped her fork. He grimaced, that would leave a nasty stain on the carpet.

He looked from his mother to his father who was simply staring at Riku as though he had grown a third arm out of his head. This was most certainly not the case, so why was everyone staring at him? Unless he said… no, no, he couldn't have. That was stupid, why would he say something like _that_ out loud and in front of his parents?

"Uh, Son," his father started slowly, "are we having the same conversation here?"

"I meant he wasn't in any of your wedding pictures!" Ha! Nice cover-up. If his parents were stupid and gullible that is. Riku couldn't lie, he was so bad of a liar that he had to wear a blind fold for a whole year. He was already getting sweating palms and could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He was afraid to speak, worried that instead of forming words, he might just start choking. It was at moments like this that he wished he could still use the Darkness, just so he could summon a dark corridor and run away from this awkward dinner conversation.

"Son… he was my best man. He's right there."

Riku turned to look at the wedding photo that he had seen every day of his life here on Destiny Islands. And sure enough, there was Dr. B. (who Riku had always thought looked too much like Sora for comfort), standing next to his father, seeming remarkably sedate without all of his usual bright colors.

"Oh… Right. I just didn't recognize him. I mean, he looks so normal there."

His parents exchanged a look before his father cleared his throat. Riku felt a vague feeling of dread as, with an almost rehearsed feeling to his words, his father began to speak.

"Son, does this have anything to do with your magazines?"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

During the first week of school, Sora had utterly humiliated Riku more times than he could count and his parents had received more phone calls from the school than were completely necessary. He didn't know why everyone was complaining honestly since at least he was showing up to class this time, and that was a definite improvement from his previous attempt at Freshman year. During this week long period, the dreaded "What I did this summer" paper was assigned and read, and Riku was sentenced to AM detention thanks to Sora. Needless to say, this was not a happy time for Riku. He swore to get Sora off the drugs as soon as possible since they obviously damaged his best friend's mind. But he couldn't do it alone, he needed Kairi's help to succeed.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

RING-

"Hello, this is your Mayor! I am for the people one hundred percent! Do you know where my long lost son is? Because it would be awesome if I could find him!"

"… _Can I speak to Kairi…?"_

"Have you seen my son?"

"_H-how am I supposed to know? What does he look like?"_

"Well he has brown hair and I think he has blue eyes… or maybe they are grey… or green? No, green doesn't sound right."

"… _You don't know?"_

"Well he was missing before I met him and after I met him… and I have only met him a couple of times…"

"_Wha-what_?"

"There was some confusion?"

"_Confusion? How can there be confusion?"_

"Well, I didn't know my wife was pregnant so when I came back home… She was already… dead."

"_Don't cry, please."_

"Have you seen him?"

"… _Well you narrowed it down to just about… everyone not related to me… which is actually not a whole lot around here."_

"DAD! Give me the phone and stop harassing Vaan!"

"… _Vaan? This is Riku."_

"Oh sorry, he was going to call me."

"_What-what do you mean he was going to call you?"_

"Oh, we are going on a date tomorrow."

"… _What?"_

"See Riku, this is why I didn't tell you and Sora earlier…"

"_Who-who is he? Where does he live? How old is he? I swear, when I find him, I'll kill him!"_

"… Riku… You can't kill people, you aren't evil… anymore…"

"_That's what you think, what do you think I was doing during that year when Sora was asleep?"_

"…"

"_WHO IS HE?" _

"… I'm gonna hang up now."

"_NO YOU AREN'T, WHO IS THE LITTLE SON OF A-"_

CLICK

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

POUND-POUND-POUND-POUND-POUND-POUND-POUND

RING-RING-RING-RI-

"_Sora, we have a problem."_

"_**This isn't Sora."**_

"… _May I speak to him?"_

"_**It depends, is this **_**Riku**_**?"**_

"… _No…?"_

"_**Who is it then?"**_

"… _Vaan?"_

"_**Oh hi Vaan, I thought you were Sora's bad influence. Here's Sora."**_

"**Hello?"**

"_Sora, we have a problem."_

"… **Do I know you?"**

"_Sora, it's me."_

"**Who?"**

"_Riku."_

"**Oh, Mom said you were someone named Vaan… I was confused. I thought maybe it was you or Kairi prank calling me or something, like that one thing we did to Kairi's dad where he totally freaked out, you know, the thing where we sent him 15 pizzas-"**

"_Yeah Sora, I remember, even if I have tried to block the whole incident from my mind. You truly have a weird talent for making up disgusting pizza topping combos. Honestly, no cheese with anchovies and grated carrots?… And what did your mom mean by 'bad influence'?"_

"**Oh, she hates you now… She thinks you called her the b-word."**

"… _The 'b-word?' What are we, seven? That was so Roxas anyways… Is that why your mom hasn't let us hang out since the whole shredding-my-salvation-incident?"_

"**... You mean when she destroyed King Mickey's letter?"**

"_Yes. How many drugs have you taken today?"_

"**A lot. Mom caught me talking to Roxas again. I tried to tell her I was talking to Sora, but she didn't buy it. That is the problem with living on the sofa, no privacy at all. Now the only time I can safely talk to him is when I am taking a shower. Unless my mom is watching me in there too…" **

"_Sora, no. Just no. I don't even want to think about that. And you talk to him in the shower? Can't you talk to him without speaking out loud?"_

"**I sometimes slip up and say things in front of my parents, especially when the conversation starts to slip into… ****sensitive ****subjects, like you for example. Not that you're **_**sensitive**_**, but… Roxas really doesn't like you, Riku."**

"… _Wha-what? He doesn't?"_

"… **Well one of his nicer nicknames for you is 'Slutty'."**

"…"

"… **Don't kill me."**

"_Kairi is far worse than me."_

"**Riku, that is mean!"**

"… _Sora… She has a… boyfriend."_

"_**WHAT**_**? Who is he! Where does he live! How **_**old **_**is he!"**

"_My thoughts exactly, but she would not tell me. Stupid Kairi. She has a boyfriend. I thought she liked you!"_

"… **I thought she liked me too…"**

"_H-how did this happen? Why, why did this happen? She calls herself our friend and goes and gets herself a boyfriend without our approval? The guy could be a serial killer for all we know!"_

"**Riku, what if he is a serial killer? Kairi could be in danger."**

"_Exactly, which is why tomorrow, we are kidnapping him."_

"**Ok- wait. If he is a serial killer, he will just serial us instead!" **

"_Don't you mean 'kill'?"_

"**Shut up Riku, I took a whole bunch of pills today."**

"_We're going to have to work on a plan for that too, can't have you all drugged up when dealing with a serial killer."_

"… **How am I supposed to get out of the house?"**

"_Do what I do, use the Keyblade."_

"…"

"_What, it does have a few practical uses as well. Don't tell me you haven't ever used it for anything other than world saving." _

"… **Do treasure chests count?"**

"…"

"**There were… puppies… lots of puppies… I was saving them because they were inside a whale…"**

"…"

"…"

"_Sora, tomorrow, we meet at dawn."_

"**Where?"**

"_In front of your house because you are going to forget and I am going to have to sneak into your house and drag you out of bed."_

"… **I don't have a bed."**

"… _I'll see you tomorrow."_

"**K, bye Riku. Sweet dreams and don't let the Darkness get you while you're sleeping because then I would have to embark on another adventure to save you, again."**

"… _What?"_

"**I'm on pills, ok? And also, Roxas says that he would just kill you instead of trying to make you my friend again… So no going evil."**

"_Right. Night Sora."_

CLICK

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Sure enough, at 5:33 AM on Sunday, Riku had to break into Sora's house. Since Riku had much practice breaking into his own house (and a few others) at late hours, it was actually quite easy so far.

He pushed open the front door after unlocking it with the Keyblade and crossed the threshold. Stage 1 completed. Now Stage 2 was about to begin, kidnap Sora without waking Sora with a tail or Sora's parents.

He walked into the house quietly, his Sora stalking days had given him lots of practice. Not that Sora, the _duck_, or the dog would notice him actually, but bondage Leon was a completely different story.

He bumped into an ornate vase and clumsily tried to catch it before it fell. He would have thought spending so much time in the R.O.- shit, he meant Realm of Darkness, would have given him better night vision. His reflexes were not as fast as he hoped and the vase met an untimely end. A very loud, echoey end. He winced, expecting to hear Sora's parents leaping out of bed and Dr. B. grabbing his brass knuckles. Or at least he expected to hear Sora start barking.

Silence.

Except for a very irritating beeping noise that kind of sounded like an…

When did Sora get an alarm system?

He ran blindly in the dark toward the source of the noise. He skidded into the kitchen and looked around in a panic until he finally saw the flashing orange light. He ran over to the alarm and knocked a container of straws over while doing so. And just his luck, Sora's alarm system required a four digit pass code.

Sora's birthday, that had to be it! However after punching it in and the alarm still beeped at him, he was starting to really freak out. But he was not pushed into a panic until the orange flashing light blinked red, and the beeping stopped only to be replaced with the beginning of what he assumed was going to be very loud indeed. He reacted instantly.

Riku did not do so well under pressure. This had been a very bad idea. Sora the dog could be blamed for the straws and for the broken vase, but there was no way he could be blamed for _this._

Using the Keyblade to forcibly "deactivate" the alarm was not one of his better decisions. He would even say it was one of his dumber ones, almost up there with going evil and with trying to jump into Kairi's pool from her roof.

The alarm sparked a few times pathetically. Hopefully he could now run out of the house fast enough not to be beaten to death. He winced and braced himself as he listened for the sounds of his approaching doom, but the house was dead silent once more, the only sounds were his panicked breathing and wind rustling the leaves outside.

He was still in disbelief as he crossed the kitchen cautiously so not to slip on the straws and create even more disaster out of this horrible attempt to be anything resembling sneaky.

He walked into Sora's living room and saw that his best friend was fast asleep on the couch, clutching Sora. Riku couldn't help but smile, Sora was cute when he slept. Both human and dog Sora that is. However, Sora was wearing the most unsexy pajamas he had ever seen, including Kairi's. Orochimaru pajamas, okay, that was just sick on so many levels. That would be like if Riku wore Ansem sleepwear. You had to draw the line _somewhere_.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Sora, Sora! Wake up!**

Roxas' chatter woke up Sora slightly and he rolled over with a groan.

_Too early, Roxas. _

**Sora, wake up! There's someone in your house!**

_Yeah right Roxas, you've been paranoid ever since Twilight Town. No one is in our room. And besides, the alarm would have gone off. _

**It **_**did**_**! You just slept through it! **

_Then why is it off? _

**Because he smashed it just like he is probably going to smash your virginity! Sora, wake up! He is hovering over you, probably thinking how he should murder you!**

Sora was seriously considering going back to sleep, Roxas had many a time woken him up claiming that someone was breaking in and going to kill him and it had turned out to be the paper boy. But then he felt something, someone very real was touching his arm.

He finally opened his eyes. A dark figure was silhouetted against the dim glow of the street light.

**Don't just lay there, KILL IT! **

"DAD! HELP! THERE'S-"

He was cut off as a hand clamped over his mouth. Sora started thrashing wildly. The man held him down and hissed, "Shut up Sora! It's me!"

_He knows my name, Roxas!_

**Of course he does! Everyone here knows your name! **

Sora screamed and kicked his would-be-attacker in the stomach. The man winced but kept his grip on Sora.

**Kick him in the balls! **

_But Roxas, I can't do that to another guy! It's against the guy code!_

**Are you serious?**

_I still have honor Roxas!_

**Ha, I don't.**

Sora felt his body move without his permission. Roxas had done it several times before but it still felt alien to him. Sora winced as Roxas delivered a well-aimed kick right to the man's-

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK SORA?"

**FINISH HIM OFF WHILE HE IS WEAK! **

Ten minutes later, the ensuing battle for his honor had brought him to the kitchen (where there were a lot of straws on the floor for some reason). Sora stood over his would-be-deflowerer, grasping the splintered remains of a rolling pin in his hands while Roxas continued to chastise him for not using the Keyblade (or at least the weed wacker) instead. He turned to pick up the phone to call the police, flipping on the lights while Sora ran past him and started licking the guy's face. He glanced towards the direction of the upstairs bedroom, where it was, not surprisingly, still dead silent. His mother had left town last night for some company meeting, leaving his father and him alone for the next few days. And well, his dad's hearing had never been quite the same after all those years as a bouncer. He looked down as he dialed the first two digits. Weird, the guy had silver hair and aqua eyes just like-

"RIKU! OH MY GOD! I AM SO SORRY! ROXAS SAID YOU WERE A RAPIST!"

**Wow, I didn't even know it was him. But hey, close enough.**

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Sora cast a quick cure on Riku but his best friend was still in so much pain that they made a quick stop by the emergency clinic to make sure that nothing had suffered irreversible harm before they started to walk over to Kairi's house to hide in her lawn foliage. Or rather Sora walked and Riku was pushed by Sora in a wheelchair.

"I'm so, so sorry, I thought you were going to kill me. I didn't want to! Roxas made me! He made me kick your potatoes!" Sora said for the hundredth time since they had left the house.

Riku held an icepack to said potatoes, with his eyes scrunched up in pain. Sora had kicked him a bit too enthusiastically for Riku to recover anytime soon.

"Sora, please just say the word."

"What word?"

"Balls, nuts, TESTICLES, JUST PICK ONE! Stop referring to my damaged genitals as VEGETABLES!"

Good thing it was seven AM on a Sunday when no one was actually awake.

"I'm sorry! I can't help it! It just feels… awkward."

"Sora, you are male, you too have what is known as a penis! And how are vegetables not awkward?"

Sora blushed but was saved from having to come up with a reply because they were in front of Kairi's house. He pushed the wheelchair across the lawn and decided the best place to stalk Kairi was from behind a large shrubbery in the shape of Peter Pan. Or at least they thought it was Peter Pan, Kairi's dad was no artist.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

They had to wait a whole hour for Kairi to wake up.

"Sora, if you can't handle saying balls, at least call them, I don't know, a type of fruit!"

"… like a pina colada?" Sora was sitting next to the wheelchair. Riku refused to let Sora sit on his lap even when he asked. His pride would not allow it, Sora damaged him, he wasn't about to let Sora sit on him… Unless he gave Riku a lap dance as repayment, but no way he was going to suggest that.

"A pina colada is a drink! So not like a pina colada!"

Sora was about to respond when Riku suddenly hit him. Sora smacked him back.

"What Sora, not satisfied with crippling my manly functions? Now shut up, Kairi's at her window."

Sora looked up but before he could see her, Riku roughly covered Sora's eyes.

"What are you doing, Riku?" Sora whined.

"Protecting your virgin eyes."

"… Aren't you a virgin too?"

"… Not the point. But do you really want to see Kairi getting changed for a date with her _boyfriend_?"

"And you do?"

"Not particularly, but it my duty."

"Pervert."

"…"

"Sorry, that was Roxas."

Forty minutes passed before Kairi walked out of her house wearing clothes (not that this part was surprising to Riku, he just thought it was an important detail that needed to be noted).

Sora started to push the wheelchair out of the shrubbery, when in a flash, all the discomfort came rushing back. Riku groaned in pain and Sora looked at him in alarm.

"Riku… Are you okay?"

"Am I okay? You used your foot and a rolling pin to pulverize my 'cabbage patch'!"

"Hey, Roxas wanted me to grab the weed wacker! Just wait, I'll get you some more ice!"

Sora ran up to Kairi's front door and knocked. A few seconds later, a middle aged man in a blue bathrobe threw open the door.

"Hello fellow resident of my tropical paradise under the sun! How may I help you?"

"Uh, Mr. Kairi's Daddy? Can I have some ice?"

"Oh, hello Sora. Did you and Pool Boy order more pizzas?"

Sora shifted uncomfortably. "No sir, I'm so sorry about that, it was Riku's idea."

If Riku were not crippled, he would have run up and strangled Sora. It admittedly had been his idea, but Sora took the prank to a disturbing level of grossness.

"Sora, what do you need ice for?"

"Well sir…"

"Sora, don't say it," Riku growled.

"I kind of, um…"

"_Sora_!"

"Kicked his…"

"SORA!

"Melons."

The Mayor stared at Sora in confusion. "Melons? Pool Boy has melons?" He looked intensely at Riku, looking for the mentioned melons and Riku crossed his arms over his chest, feeling slightly violated. "Pool Boy is Pool _Girl_?"

Sora blushed. "No sir, I kicked Riku's… nectarines."

Riku wanted die. "Sora, I changed my mind, fruits are unacceptable."

The Mayor looked very confused. "I don't see any nectarines."

"Just get me some ice!" Riku shrieked from the lawn foliage.

"Uh, I don't have any ice… We had a party last night… but I have something leftover from it that will work just as well!" The Mayor disappeared into his house and when he reemerged, he handed Sora a ziplock bag. Sora ran back to Riku clutching in his hands a bag of…

"Green jello?" Riku said in disbelief. "You want me to hold _green jello_ against my crotch?"

"... Technically, they're green jello _shots_, but same difference."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Kairi was sitting with her little boy toy two tables away from Riku and Sora. They were trying to be discreet but it was rather difficult with Riku in a wheelchair and Sora pulling out a gigantic lunchbox.

"Sora, what _is_ that?" The lunchbox had Sasuke naked and covered in snakes. _What the fuck?_

"Oh, haha, it's my pillbox!"

Riku stared in disbelief. _What the fuck?_ "For the week?"

Sora giggled. "No silly, for lunch!"

Riku continued to stare in horror for a moment before grasping the handle and flinging it into the bushes next to them. Sora turned to look after the pillbox as it arched through the air and disappeared into the foliage. When he moved to get up and retrieve it, Riku grabbed his arm and yanked him back down, giving him a pointed look. His best friend seemed to accept defeat and sank down a bit in his chair, crossing his arms. Riku turned his attention away from Sora and towards Kairi again until the brunet finally broke the awkward silence between them.

"Uh, Riku?"

"What Sora?"

"I didn't grab any money because I was too worried that you were going to die, so um can I, uh."

"What?"

"Can I have some jello?"

"Uh, no! I'll buy you lunch." He did not need the mental image of Sora eating anything that came in contact with his crotch, he got plenty of those anyways. Plus, green jello? Yuck.

"What are you doing here?" Sora and Riku jumped and turned to see a very angry Kairi standing, no, seething next to them. "What do you _think_ you are doing here? Riku, I _know_ this was all your idea, you are so immature- why are you holding a bag of green jello to your crotch?"

Riku sighed. Why, why did the jello have to be green? Why wasn't it some cool color like red or blue? Green made him look like he had alien slime oozing out of his… Why did it have to be green?

"Oh, uh Kairi, that's my fault, I hit his taters," Sora muttered.

Riku smacked Sora. "Do not refer to my balls as 'taters'!"

"Woah, woah, guys what's going on here? Kairi said you two guys were close but she didn't say you were _that_ close!"

There he was, _the boy toy._ The potential serial killer. Riku narrowed his eyes at the realization that he recognized this _Vaan_. He was the younger brother of Reks, and even if this "man" was not related to one of Riku's longtime tormentors, he would still probably hate him. His hair was girly, his pants were way too tight, his shirt was really a vest, and he had a belt buckle the size of a magic eight ball. What self respecting man styles their hair like that? Riku styled his hair but he did it in a manly fashion using a straightening iron and a hair curler and- He used manly hair gel, yes _hair gel_ and in no way did he use his mother's hair care products!

"Hey, why do you have green jello on your package? Am I missing something here?" The boy toy looked at Riku and Sora suspiciously. "You guys aren't going to do anything… weird with it are you?"

If Riku were not in a wheelchair, he would have punched the boy toy in the face or pulled a Roxas and assaulted him with a weed wacker.

Sora smiled and before Riku realized what was happening, Sora said _it_.

"Well I was going to eat it because I was hungry but then Riku said he would buy me lunch so I wouldn't have to eat his jello. Which is probably a good thing since the jello is getting all melty and sticky."

Riku smacked Sora's arm before he turned to glare at the boy toy. "Luckily for you, he is on antipsychotics. But either way, I'm going to rip you to pieces. They will _never_ find your body."

Kairi sighed. "Vaan, just ignore them. They are idiots and they have no lives and they don't have girlfriends or sisters to harass so they harass me instead."

"Kairi," Riku protested, "He could be a serial killer! Look at him, look at his _pants_! Those are not normal pants that a normal person would wear! He is wearing emo pants! And a GIANT turquoise belt buckle!"

"Yeah Kairi, he could be like Riku!"

Riku hit Sora again. "Sora! Stop helping!"

Kairi glared at them. "Since there is no point even trying to get you two to behave, we are leaving now." She grabbed Vaan's wrist and drug him back to their table where they were eating lunch.

Riku slammed his fist down on the table, making Sora jump. He looked over at Kairi and her boy toy. Vaan saw him and waved. That's it, he is going to DIE!

"Sora, push me over there." Sora was about to protest when Riku cut him off. "You tried to castrate me earlier with blunt objects, now get off your lazy ass and push the god damned wheelchair."

Sora winced but did as he was told.

"Hey Kairi, how's your date going?" Riku asked with fake enthusiasm when they reached Kairi and Vaan's table. She groaned and buried her face in her hands. Riku leered at Vaan. "And how is your day you little piece of-"

"Geeze! People have been saying that you're insane but I never thought you were actually this crazy!" Vaan put up his hands defensively. "Goes to show what happens when you are… uh…"

"_What?_" Sora shifted uncomfortably behind him. "Just say it. You were going to say 'pimped out in the Realm of Darkness' weren't you? And for your information, it was _not _a strip CLUB! That's it! I'm going to beat you to death with the Keyblade and I am going to pick a blunt one!"

"And we can get away with it too because we are crazy!"

"Sora, please stop helping!"

Kairi grabbed Vaan's wrist again. "We need to be on our way, Vaan has a blitzball game!"

The two of them practically ran off, leaving Sora and Riku behind.

"Uh, Riku?"

"Yeah Sora?"

"What is… blitzball?"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

An hour later, Sora and Riku found the blitzball game. They decided to go because: 1. Kairi was was there. 2. Her boy toy was there. And 3. What the hell was blitzball?

It was at the school's pool and when they finally found a seat that was wheelchair accessible (meaning Riku scared off a few teenage girls that were in the front seats), it was almost halftime.

Riku had no idea what was going on. This game was apparently invented by Wakka and Tidus and had gained alarming popularity on Main Island during Riku's year of absence. He had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with all the violence involved in it. Violence was great, it made him feel better about existing when he watched other people getting smacked around for once.

At half time, the two teams got out of the water. His school's team was composed of the school's "hawt" seniors (stupid Rasler and his stupid posse) as well Wakka, Tidus, _Vaan_, and some other students he didn't recognize sitting on the sidelines. He glared at them, at all of them. Damn Rasler and his gang, they were probably on the blitzball team just to have an excuse to play a sport shirtless in front screaming girls… or in some cases, boys. Tidus and Wakka were his friends normally but they were talking to the enemy, they were associating with _Vaan._

The blitzball team was staring at something. Riku followed their stares to see… Noah playing badminton with Larsa Solidor. Larsa was the younger brother of a nutcase who had been arrested several times for trying to kill Kairi's dad so he could be mayor. Fortunately for everyone, Kairi's dad was elected because he was able to kill a mutant bear rather than because of his brains. Vayne Solidor was the oldest of the two remaining Solidor brothers (worryingly there used to be four) and was also quite famous around town for trying to "discretely" off his little brother all because Kairi's dad had announced that Larsa would be his successor. The Mayorship was an elected position, but apparently no one was willing argue with a man that killed a bear with an axe and a hand-grenade.

The whole blitzball team made their way to the badminton courts, even though half time was almost up. Riku was confused. From what he could gather from the hushed chatter around him, in his year of absence, the blitzball and badminton teams had worked up a huge rivalry, stemming from Noah quitting blitzball to play the other sport.

There was silence and then a thud as Reks was knocked between the eyes by a birdie hit by Noah and fell to the ground unmoving. There were a few moments where the two teams just stared at each other before-

Cue Rasler: "For my father!"

A full blown fight erupted in the badminton court and Balthier, another badminton player, joined the conflict. Riku was content with just sitting there and watching until he saw Balthier start smacking Vaan with a badminton racket.

He leapt out of the wheelchair, manly pain momentarily forgotten. "If anyone is going to kill him, it's going to be me!" Sora followed him and they ran into the fray.

Violence, violence everywhere. Everywhere he looked, people were hitting each other with badminton equipment. This was wrong on so many levels. He picked up a racket and smacked Balthier in the face. _Serves him right for stealing my lunch money in second grade._

Riku stood over Vaan and battled all who came close to him.

"Riku! Heads up!"

Riku turned to look at Sora but his vision was obscured by something flying through the air, something very blue and round, funny it looked remarkably like a-

BLITZBALL! Riku fell to the ground, clutching his face in pain.

Sora dropped to his knees. "I'm so sorry, Riku! I was trying to hit a guy behind you! I'm so sorry!"

Riku grimaced in pain. At this point Vaan then grabbed a racket and bounced up and stepped on his-

The little bitch stepped on his face! Vaan was so going to die after this was over!

Sora screamed, which did not help at all. Riku curled up in a ball and felt a little bit better when he made Basch trip and fall over him.

But then Basch landed on his left leg, on _the _leg, the leg that Xemnas had smashed to pieces, the leg that had never quite healed right, the leg that woke him up in the middle of the night with cripplingly painful cramps, the leg that hurt like a _bitch_ when all of Basch's 5000 pound body landed on it.

The last thought he had as he heard his leg snap was that this was officially the worst day ever in his entire life. It was even worse than the day he hit his head on the side of Kairi's pool after jumping down three stories from her roof.

* * *

><p><span>AN: We love Kairi. And from her point of view, this whole thing is just as ridiculous as it seems which is why she isn't exactly nice to Sora and Riku here. We just wanted to clarify, since Kairi is a touchy subject in this fandom at times, that this fanfic is Kairi-safe.<span>


	6. Chapt 1e Failed Plans

**Chapter 1.5: Freshmen Again – Failed Plans**

When the violence finally stopped, the blitzball team, badminton team, and Riku had to be driven to the hospital in ambulances.

Sora wanted to go with him but he wasn't allowed to, which was probably a good idea considering how much damage Sora had done to him today. Riku's face might never be the same because of him. His leg was most definitely was never going to be the same, but that was an entirely different (and much more disheartening) problem all together.

Riku was picked up from the hospital by his father, now with several icepacks on various parts of his body and sporting a massive full leg air-cast. All in all, it was a horrible experience that Riku was slightly too drugged to remember clearly. The whole thing was on the news, and he was apparently fast on his way to becoming an internet sensation.

His mother was getting him ice cream from the freezer when the doorbell rang. His father opened the front door.

"Hello Mr. Riku's dad…" Sora said quietly, looking down at his large shoes. "May I talk to Riku please?"

"He's in the living room."

Sora shuffled into the living room, giving Riku a sheepish smile. Riku would have glared, but it was too much effort, and quite frankly, the only thing he wanted to do right now was curl up and die.

"Sora?" he finally asked, lying flat on the couch and trying hard not to breathe.

"Hi Riku… So I didn't take my meds and snuck out of the house using the Keyblade in an inappropriate manner. So I am grounded till the end of time… well… more grounded," Sora sat down next to Riku on the couch. Since his mind was not slowed by the pharmacy that normally addled it, he was able to sit without further harming Riku. "I guess it was easier since you broke the alarm. And my dad is pretty cool… if he catches me, I doubt I'll be in much trouble."

"I think I can feel my toes again… But I don't think I want to. It hurts," Riku said, looking up at his best friend. How much he missed the clear eyes instead of the fuzzy ones.

Sora winced a bit and stared at his best friend's blue cast. "I'm sorry, Riku. Everything just gets so messed up and I can't think straight and Roxas can just… do stuff and it freaks me out and then I do dumb things."

"Like kicking me, repeatedly-"

"You're just trying to get me to say 'testicles' aren't you?"

"… Okay maybe a little… I'm so proud." Sora gave him a light punch on Riku's non-formerly-dislocated-shoulder.

"Jerk… I am really sorry though. Roxas is bad for my slow mind. He just… kinda-"

"Takes you over. And I know he doesn't like me… Don't worry about it Sora. It's good to see you without the haze of total drugged stupidity."

"It's not my fault… They think you have STDs and that I have another personality. We need to get out of here."

"Yes… think we can build another raft?"

"In the school basement during lunch?"

"I'll even let you name it this time."

"That is because I can kick your ass in any race right now, with you all gimpy and broken and emasculated."

"I am not emasculated. Everything still works."

"Experimented did you?" Sora attempted to leer but on his childish face it totally failed. Riku laughed.

"You try being kicked in the balls repeatedly by a psychotic Nobody. If that doesn't make you want to masturbate, I have no idea what does." Sora turned bright red. "Okay… that came out wrong… I mean… You need to make sure everything still works…"

"Too much information, Riku."

"You're just sad because I didn't ask for your help," Riku teased. Sora's blush deepened. "Thanks for coming to visit."

"Well… it was all my fault."

"Now, now… to be fair I think it best to blame the King who didn't send us home with a note explaining everything." Sora laughed at that and Riku smiled.

"Anyway… I need to sneak back before Dad realizes I'm gone so…" Sora reached a hand over Riku's leg. "Since you didn't learn anything useful in the R.O.D… Curaga." Blissful warmth spread throughout Riku's body, mending it. "Wanted to wait until the drugs wore off. Don't mix magic and drugs. Bad things can happen."

"I know… remember how it didn't work this morning?"

"Oh… Yeah," Sora placed a hand awkwardly behind his head and laughed as Riku slowly sat up, testing what he could to make sure everything was working. Sora smiled happily and flung his arms around Riku's neck, giving him a huge hug. "I'm not going to take any of my pills tomorrow… Unless Mom has someone watching me at school, I should be coherent most of the day."

"Oh good, a coherent Sora," Riku was grinning like an idiot. An idiot being hugged by his secret-oh-lord-why-is-he-even-thinking-this-just-stop-before-something-embarassing-happens… Being hugged by Sora.

Sora let go after another minute of hugging before standing up. "And now… to sneak back in."

"Should be easy. Your dad will sleep through anything… as will Sora2."

"… Yeah." Sora lingered awkwardly for a moment, as if he wanted to say something before he smiled. "Goodnight Riku. I'm glad you're feeling better. See you tomorrow."

"Night Sora…" Riku said as Sora headed out the door.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Two hours later, Riku stared up at the ceiling from the sofa bed (the stairs were still too painful to make it up to his actual room), unable to fall asleep after that visit from his best friend. As his mind wandered, it reached a very bad place. His hope had been rekindled tonight, bringing with it more emotional turmoil than he really wanted to deal with right now.

_Well… maybe he did grab my ass after we fought stupid leg breaking Xemnas. Maybe he does… like me…_

_No, that is just stupid. He was grabbing your belt because you could hardly move without injuring yourself further…._

_But he did get all angry and stuff when my leg was smashed…_

_This is Sora, he gets upset over everything…_

_No he doesn't. He has matured quite a lot. He confronted me when I was wandering around as Rikunort…_

_And then burst into tears moments later…._

_HA! And how did he greet Kairi. 'Kairi… missed you too?... Awkward hug'. I got tears and relief 'Oh Riku, I missed you so! Now throw me down and molest me proper'… no probably not, with the _duck_ and the dog standing right there. Kairi… probably would have liked to watch._

_You're stupid, you know that, right? He likes Kairi. Not you. _

Riku's heart fell and he turned on his side, staring intently into space, praying for some kind of guidance. _I should just tell him…_

_No, that is dumb, he might freak out._

_But if I don't tell him I might do something stupid like, I don't know, attack him in the janitor's closet and rip off all of his clothes. I'm a teenage boy. I can only handle so much…_

_But what if he hates you forever?_

… _He's Sora, he forgave Xemnas for being a total loon, why shouldn't he forgive me?_

"… This is a dumb idea," the Voice of Realism finally announced out loud to the room.

"… I know," he responded lamely before he turned over onto his other side. _Maybe I should be making a pro-con list…_

_Pro: get Sora, Con: Sora may hate you, Kairi will try to kill you, let's not even get started on the _duck_ and the dog, his parents will put a restraining order on you, Kairi's dad will come up with a new humiliating nickname, and you might go skipping off to the R.O.D. again and get molested by the dark voice of Ansem in your head…_

_Okay… Maybe a note is best. That way I can always back out, and then set it on fire to destroy the evidence…_

_Yes, a note._

… _A note… What should the note say?_

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

The night had been full of distractions from his writing. Someone had tried to break in, causing his parents and himself to leap out of bed and some household appliances to be thrown. It also ended in an interrogation as to why his leg wasn't broken anymore, and he still wasn't quite sure how he managed to escape that conversation alive. In any case, by the time he finished his note, he had gone through six drafts, and the sun was already rising. He tucked the note into his pajamas' pocket and pulled up the covers, determined to get an extra hour of sleep before his alarm went off. Tomorrow was going to be a big day after all.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Riku was feeling confident. He was wearing his father's best smelling cologne, his sexiest underwear, and his horoscope was good. Not that he intended for Sora to see his underwear but it would be really awesome if he did. Riku had it all figured out in his head, there were only a few ways this could go down: A. Sora would say yes. B. Sora would say no. C. Sora would hate him forever and never want to speak to him again. Or D. Sora would tear off all his clothes and jump Riku during class. The last one would be awesome, and awkward, but he would have wild sex in front of his whole class if he was doing it with Sora.

Though to be honest, Riku would be excited if Sora even understood the question. This was Sora after all.

He walked over to Sora's house and had to wait for a few minutes before he finally emerged.

"Hi Riku!"

Okay, no giving him the note now… even if possible wild sex was easier in bushes instead of in front of Freshmen.

"Hey Sora," Riku said in the most seductive voice his teenage vocal chords could produce. It was pretty good actually. But then again… Ansem-nort did enjoy making Riku say dirty things using that same exact voice he was now using on Sora.

Sora looked at him funny. "Is something wrong with your voice? You sound kind of… um… I don't know… weird?"

Sexy voice was out…

"Uh, no, just had something stuck in my throat. All better now. Ready for a fun filled day at school?"

"No not really, English is going to suck. I don't want to show my family tree… Researching it was scary. My great-great-grandfather on my Mom's side was clinically insane and tried to eat his own foot!"

"My great-great-grandfather married my grandmother, beat that."

"Ew, Riku, I know your mom's from North Island, but that is just nasty!"

"Ugh, don't even mention North Island. Grandma wants me to go there, find myself a nice girl, get married, and have many great-grandchildren. Unfortunately, I am directly related to approximately 100 percent of that island. And most of the eligible bachelorettes are my first cousins."

"That's disturbing… What if you're gay?"

_Oh god, he knows!_

"Uh…"

"I don't think you are gay! But what if you were? Are you supposed to marry one of your cousins? Are you supposed to get married? Would they care? Would they force you not to be gay? Would you still have to have babies with one of your cousins?"

"Sora… I didn't really think that far ahead." _Though perhaps I should have. _"But, who knows? Yazoo is practically a woman. Maybe she'd hook me up with him and not even realize the difference."

"I don't want to know about your family tree anymore, Riku."

"I don't want to know about my family tree anymore either, Sora. It's a bit scarring when you think about it and realize that your mother's entire family is descended from about twelve people that were shipwrecked on an island."

"Stop talking about it! It's freaking me out!"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"Hey guys! Aw Riku, you can walk," Kairi said with a smile as she met them in front of the school.

Riku scowled and rolled his eyes. "No thanks to your boyfriend, he stepped on my face!"

"Shut up Riku, you started it. Oh guess what! I met my brother!"

"You have a mysterious sibling too?" Riku said.

"What?" Sora asked.

"You know those pictures of me as a kid… the ones where I'm in a dress… Turns out that isn't me…"

"Weird." Sora made a face.

Riku and Sora began to walk away.

"Wait, you guys! This is important!"

Riku checked his watch. "Sorry Kairi! We're late!" He grabbed Sora's wrist and dragged his best friend into the building.

"YOU IDIOTS! THIS IS IMPORTANT! HE'S-"

SLAM

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Riku looked around the classroom slightly concerned. 1. It was his turn next. 2. Sora was talking about the foot eating great-great-grandfather. 3. His phone kept on buzzing angrily at him. 4. Sora kept on talking about "what happens if Riku is gay" 5. There were doors slamming. 6. Sora was demonstrating how you could eat your own foot.

The most concerning thing was the door slamming. It was probably his mother who had found another disturbing faction of his family tree. He was hoping it was a creepy stalker there to kidnap a student. He _really _hoped they were coming for him. In either case, the doors were getting closer. He really hoped it wasn't his mother. He might die if she popped her head in with another horrifying trivia bit about the insane genetic mess that was known as North Island.

Riku's phone, much to his annoyance, continued to buzz at him. With a sigh, he discretely flipped it open under his desk. It was probably his mom making sure he hadn't been kidnapped in the two hours he had been out of her sight. Either that, or she wanted to inform him that Kadaj had reproduced yet again and injected his children with "Jenova" cells in another mad attempt to take over North Island and his mutant children needed to be added to the family tree. It was going to be hard enough to explain to the class that his cousin's official title was "the High Priest of Jenovaism" and he already had seventeen children and eight wives. Riku didn't even know what a "Jenova" was. Apparently, one summer, Kadaj found a head in a box and decided that "Jenova" was the mother of them all. And considering Riku's family history, it was very plausible.

He took a glance at his cell phone's screen. Twenty new text messages. Maybe Loz was doing some "recruiting" as well. He opened the first one and stared in horror. He hoped to Kingdom Hearts that this was _not _his mother.

"**Hey, I heard you were the guy to call for some fun."**

He blinked, hoping that this was a horrendous hallucination that his sleep deprived mind had cooked up. But it was still there. He went to the next text message with a sense of foreboding.

"**I need some cheering up and I hear you can help."**

It was from the same guy, and so was the message after that, and the one after that. All twenty text messages were from the same guy. He closed his phone in disgust and put it back into his pocket. He hated teenage boys, especially ones who had nothing better to do than sexually harass him just because he was a "stripper" in the Realm of Darkness. Why did the newspapers have to print that? Why couldn't they just have said he was kidnapped? Now, he was known as "Rod Boy" by his classmates. Or at least he hoped it was a teenage boy texting him because otherwise, there was a creepy middle-aged man asking how flexible he was.

His phone started buzzing again but he ignored it. It was show time.

Sora finally put his foot down and was wrapping up his presentation. This was it, Sora would return to his seat at the front of the class and while he was getting up, he would flick his note at Sora and pray to god that Sora would catch it. He would have to do it quickly as the room next door was just visited by his mother/potential kidnapper.

Sora sat down, Riku stood up. This was it, this was the moment when Riku would finally become a man… well hopefully not in the medieval sense. He flicked the note, it arched through the air and-

SLAM

NO! This couldn't be happening! He made a list of everything that might happen and this was not it! This was not on the list! His note was intercepted! THAT WAS NOT A OR B OR C OR AWESOME, AWESOME D! And the note was not being opened by _Sora_! He folded that note in the secret special way that only he and Sora knew how to undo! This was sooo not happening!

There was a long pause while everyone stared in shock at the figure in the doorway, who calmly finished the note and refolded it.

"Aw Riku, I didn't know that you felt that way about me," The man in the doorway said smirking, evilly. Riku stared in shock, torn between crying pathetically and summoning the darkness so he could use dark portals and run away. Sora, on the other hand, shrieked in delight.

"LEON!"


	7. Chapt 2a Lion Heart

AN: For everyone that has not played Final Fantasy VIII, Squall Leonhart in that universe is a 17 year old with severe personality/abandonment issues and is a mercenary for an organization called SeeD that was created to eliminate Sorceresses. The Sorceresses, as their title suggests, have powers and can be either a force for good or evil. Through the use of summons called "GFs" (Guardian Forces) SeeDs are able to use magic and other superhuman abilities as well. Squall has been displaced from that world into Radiant Garden.

Also, if you have not seen the scene from KH2 FM+ where Xemnas walks down through the basement of Hollow Bastion, Aqua's armor and Keyblade is stored down there.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2.1: Prelude to a Storm – Lion Heart<strong>

Squall slept for two days after his rather explosive landing in Radiant Garden. Ansem was already looking at the boy like he was some kind of divine miracle, though Xehanort supposed that might be accurate to some extent.

Squall had vaporized the Keyblade Bearer statue and had emerged alive, even though there were a million reasons why he should be dead. But he was still asleep. As far as could be determined, the teenager was fine, nothing was preventing his waking. His sleep was just that. Sleep. He tossed and turned. He dreamed. And he had nightmares.

They learned that the hard way. When it became obvious that the boy wasn't just going to wake up and explain everything so Ansem stop would warbling on and on about the Keyblade, they assigned some of the castle children to watch over him while he slept. Xehanort himself had even been assigned a few hours of duty until Ansem finally let him back into the labs, his past transgressions apparently forgotten. On one of the shifts with the brunette one with the bow that Xehanort never bothered to learn the name of, Squall started screaming his lungs out. The girl had screamed back and soon there were far too many people in the room, which was saying something as the room was a palace suite.

Squall's screams were mostly unintelligible. But some of the screams formed words, like 'no' and 'please' and 'help'. He tossed and flailed and eventually ended up in a sobbing tangled mess in the center of the bed, cradling his right shoulder and whimpering.

He had this nightmare, or some permutation thereof, three more times before he finally woke up in the middle of it. Cloud was watching over him this time, and like a great valiant future Keyblade master, he screamed and ran from the room when Squall bolted upright. Xehanort was down the hall reading over his secret reports when he heard Squall's screams change from the incoherent to the coherent.

He was the first person in the room and he flipped the lock behind him as a precaution. The teen's eyes were wild. He seemed off balance, toppling out of the bed and taking half of the sheets with him. Squall's scream was interrupted as he landed on his back out of sight. Xehanort travelled around the bed.

Squall was staring at the ceiling, seemingly stunned. And then he moved to sit up and in the process looked down at himself. And then the screams started again. Squall tore himself out of the sheets and started to rip at his clothes, jerking off the shirt they had put him in and staring down at himself in repulsed horror.

"Squall," Xehanort tried a few times before finally yelling the name, shocking the boy out of his panic. Blue eyes turned to him and for a moment they frosted over with suspicion, an ugly emotion locked in them for one so young. Then they cleared.

"You…" and Squall froze, looking confused for a moment, a distressed noise locked in his throat. The teen reached up to touch his neck but caught himself. "I remember you from…"

Xehanort prepared himself for more screaming as he saw the memories settle but the teen seemed fine with remembering the horrific injuries that lead to a two day self-induced coma. Then the boy's face edged back into panic and suspicion.

"Where am I?" Squall asked, eyes turning to the window.

"Radiant Garden." There was no recognition as Squall turned his gaze around the room next.

"How did I… I woke up somewhere, outside, and it hurt."

"You destroyed a statue," Xehanort informed him uncertainly. Maybe it would have been better to let Ansem do this. He wasn't very good with feelings. But the teenager just took in this information as easily as he had everything else. Shock was a possibility but Xehanort wondered if there wasn't something else under it all. "You seem really… calm about this."

"Getting excited does nothing. Screaming only ruins the vocal cords. Leaves you vulnerable to attack later because you can't properly convey your distress." Squall spoke the words in monotone, parroting some repeated lesson.

"You're safe here," Xehanort lied slightly after a small pause, because Ansem was eyeing the boy like he was some sort of… Keyblade bearer and that probably would result in more danger than anyone could account for.

"Nowhere is really safe. Maybe safe enough…" Squall muttered to himself and Xehanort was glad he was the one in the room, because Ansem would not have liked to hear his new toy talking like that. "Don't… don't take this the wrong way," and Squall's eyes were back on him, level, but wary. "But you look weird."

"… I know. Purple isn't my color and I not a cravat guy," Xehanort answered bluntly. This startled a slightly panicked laugh out of Squall.

"No… no I mean…You just look… never mind." Squall frowned and turned his attention away from him, looking down instead at his hands. Xehanort felt like he should be offended but as he woke up every day and didn't recognize his own face in the mirror, it was hard to work up the feeling. "What happened to me?"

"… You mean besides destroying a statue?" Squall just stared at him and then gestured down at himself as if this somehow clarified his question. When Xehanort continued to gaze blankly at him, he sighed and tried again.

"… Okay," Squall narrowed his eyes. "Uhm… strange question, but if you were to approximate my age, what would it be?"

Xehanort looked him over. "14 or 15ish? Maybe?... Why? Do you not know how old you are? Do you have amnesia?" Xehanort hoped he didn't sound too excited by that prospect, but given the look that Squall was giving him he wasn't sure if he succeeded.

"No, I know how old I am. The problem is that I am seventeen years old."

"… No. There's no way. Unless you just never were able to grow a beard."

"Oh no, I need to shave. That's the problem. Me being here has misplaced two years of my life and Hyne knows what else."

Xehanort stared at Squall for a long moment. "Oh-kay…" he started slowly. "I think we should get Ansem to check your head again."

"I'm not concussed!" Squall protested before wavering. "Well, not anymore at least. Can I just have a moment alone? I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I don't know you well enough to have one in front of you."

Xehanort paused for a moment.

"I'll be down the hall," he said before turning to the door, giving the obviously confused teenager time to collect himself.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Squall managed to gather himself off of the floor twenty minutes later. He stumbled over to the full length mirror to get a better view of himself. He was shorter, having regressed to pre-growth spurt, leaving him with reduced muscle mass and a confused equilibrium. His eyes were the wrong color, his hair looked ridiculous, all of his scars were gone except for the one on his face and the one that permanently mangled his shoulder. Even his _tattoos_ were gone. But at least he wasn't alone. His GFs were still with him, even though they were quiet in the back of his mind and seemed just as disoriented as he was.

"What the fuck happened to me?" he asked his reflection. It was unhelpfully silent. He looked at himself a little longer before becoming too creeped out to continue. He closed his eyes taking mental inventory. Everything was off balance. And…

He stomped over to the door and flung it open. The weird guy with the weird name and the weird hair was standing at the end of the hall, writing in a notebook. He looked up and Squall mentally added 'weird eyes' to his list of freaky things about this place.

"I'm hungry," he declared. Weird Guy just stared at him for a moment before shrugging.

"Right. Food it is."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Squall was entirely creeped out by the old guy who kept trying to talk to him about his destiny during lunch. Apparently, this Ansem guy was some sort of big-shot around here, which only counted against him as Squall distrusted authority figures.

Squall was placed under a pseudo-house arrest, trapped in the area surrounding his room. The first thing he did in his ornate prison was cover as many mirrors as he could find, unsettled by what he saw there. Xehanort won points in his favor when, upon entering his room and noting the new arrangements, he merely commented on hating the interior decorators as well.

As far as he could gather, this world wasn't a planet, and only extended so far, like a giant island floating in space. They called it Radiant Garden, but it was unlike any Garden he had ever seen, though he supposed the floating island metaphor could be applied. Despite how lovely it looked, everything felt wrong.

He made friends with Xehanort quickly, as he was the only person who consistently visited and never talked about destiny. There were others, but they mostly came only to look at him, ask him strange questions. About halfway through the week, Xehanort's visits doubled in frequency and as far as Squall could tell from the angry mutterings, Ansem had kicked Xehanort out of the labs again.

But Squall didn't begrudge the company.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"Would it… would it be possible to see the stuff that I arrived with?" Squall asked after breakfast a week later. Xehanort looked up from his crossword at him.

"Sure… Assuming Ansem hasn't locked it all up or something like that."

"… But it's my stuff. Why would he lock up my stuff?" Squall asked with a growl. Xehanort tried to come up with an explanation that didn't sound creepy. When he couldn't, he just shrugged helplessly.

"I could lie and say he was trying to protect you from all the blood covered clothes," Xehanort suggested. Squall rolled his eyes and stood up, clearing his dishes.

"Can we do it now?"

Xehanort stared longingly down at his crossword before rising and leading Squall down into the labs to the storage rooms.

Everything Squall arrived with fit in a box. The teen dumped the contents on the table and stared at them for a moment.

Pants and plain tee-shirt, both torn nearly to ribbons, were the first things back in the box. Squall next picked up a leather jacket with a fur collar, also torn, and put it on, even though it was too large. A strange weapon, a blade with an odd hilt was next. Squall lovingly tracing over the engraving on the blade, a lion rampart.

"What is it?" Xehanort finally asked, breaking the silence.

"It's called a gunblade, traditional weapon of the Sorceresses Knights, takes most people fifteen years or more to master." Squall took a few steps back into the clear center of the room and swung the blade experimentally.

"How far along were you with your training?" Xehanort asked and Squall simply scoffed.

"Mastered it in twelve. Full-fledged master at 17, as was my training partner, only two gunblade masters in the world," Squall grinned. "It's how I got the scar."

"I was going to ask about that, but I didn't know how to without seeming… insensitive?"

"It's okay. I gave him one back. Plus it caught the eye of my first girlfriend so I can't really hate him for that."

Squall put the gunblade down onto the table again, muttering to himself about having a case made, before moving on to the smaller objects. He picked up the chain with the pendent on it and slung it around his neck like a necklace. And then he stopped.

"Where the fuck is my ring?"

"… What ring?"

"My ring. It's silver and I know I had it because I always have it."

Xehanort shrugged in response. "I don't know."

"… Do you think the creepy old guy took it?"

"… You mean Ansem, our wise and benevolent leader?"

"… Yeah, the creepy guy," Squall nodded.

"Don't have much respect for authority back where you come from then?"

"I would tell you, but I don't think you'd like the answer," Squall replied flatly.

Xehanort glanced over at him skeptically after that answer and then fell silent, thinking for a moment before sighing. "… If he has your ring, it's certainly in his office."

Squall turned and left the storage rooms, taking everything with him, heading straight towards Ansem's office.

"Shit," Xehanort swore under his breath and ran to catch up.

By the time he got there Squall was already inside the room.

"… How'd you get in?" Xehanort asked, knowing this room was usually locked.

"Picked the lock," Squall casually answered with a shrug.

"Do that sort of thing often back home?"

"Are you kidding me? It's a mandatory course," Squall looked around the room before stopping to stare. "Is that… a giant portrait of you?"

Xehanort winced, stepping past Squall and deliberately doing his best to not look at the painting in question. "Yeah, I keep asking him to take it down."

"But why is it here?" Squall asked, staring at the picture in mild horror.

"I don't know. I was really confused when that was painted. To be honest, I'm still confused."

Squall finally tore his eyes away from it with a slight shudder and circled around Ansem's desk to start going through the drawers. "Confused?" he asked, pulling open a drawer and quickly going through its contents before moving to the one next to it.

"I got here three months ago. Before that, nothing." Xehanort wasn't exactly sure why he was telling him this, but the kid seemed reasonable enough. Squall just looked up at him for a moment before gesturing for Xehanort to join him.

"I know a bit about memory loss myself. Not total, but selective. Is Xehanort not your real name then?" Squall asked as Xehanort moved over.

"Nah. Something about it doesn't feel quite right. Hell, nothing seems right about me. I don't know the face in the mirror. Course, I also know I wasn't this." Xehanort gestured to himself before he started opening drawers as well.

"This?" Squall asked, reaching a locked drawer. He pulled something out of his pocket before focusing his attention on the lock.

"I'll show you after we find your ring. Let's just say the haircut wasn't my idea," Xehanort said, and surprisingly, Squall laughed.

"I was wondering about that. Doesn't really match you," Squall muttered as he popped the lock.

"You ain't seen nothing ye-… Are those belts?" Xehanort asked, stunned, as the drawer slid open to reveal seemingly endless amounts of belts and red bandages.

"… Yes. And he was storing my ring with them," the teenager said in slight disgust, carefully picking a small silver ring out from among the… mass.

"What does he do with them?" Xehanort wondered out loud, resisting the urge to riffle through them and start counting in the name of scientific discovery. "Wear them around his head when no one is around, like when he's sleeping or something?"

Squall turned and stared at him with a slightly skeptical look on his face. "You didn't have to say that. Now that image is going to haunt my nightmares."

It was then that they heard Ansem in the hallway returning from his daily ice cream adventures with Ienzo and they both sprinted from the room.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"He actually keeps your stuff locked up?" Squall sounded mildly horrified as Xehanort punched in a password on the large control console in the basement.

Xehanort hit enter. "Yep."

"Why would he lock it up?" Squall asked as the door slid open. "This kind of security seems pointless."

"I'm not supposed to have the password," Xehanort explained as he headed towards the door and started down the stairs. He looked back over his shoulder to make sure that Squall was following before adding, "Braig gave it to me. It was a really lame password though. It was an anagram of my name, without the X."

"Yeah, that's kind of weird, but I suppose given the length of your name and the number of combinations-"

"No. He didn't use a creative one like, I don't know, 'rant hoe' or 'ant hero' or something. 'Another', he seriously used 'another'."

"…"

Xehanort couldn't agree more.

The walk to the lower basements took twenty minutes. Squall was silent, looking around in a mix of surprise and a trace of apprehension at the sheer size and scale of the machinery that composed the underbelly of the castle. There was also suspicion in his eyes, something that hadn't escaped Xehanort's notice. However, he couldn't really blame him. This place never felt right to him either.

When they finally reached the dark chamber, Xehanort sat in the chair at its center. Squall flinched away from the walls as they lit up, eyes darting around the room.

After everything was turned on, Xehanort stood and walked over towards where the armor lay. "This was found on top of me."

Squall came over, looking down at it. "It looks a bit small to fit you. Also a bit more feminine."

"I wasn't wearing that armor," Xehanort pointed to the shoulder scalloping next to the dark blue armor and the pile of neatly folded clothes next to it. "I was wearing that."

"That's a muscle shirt… and samurai pants?" Squall knelt, looking closer at the clothes. "Maybe you were a warrior or something?"

Xehanort practically growled out his response. "And yet, here I stand in my periwinkle lab coat and my cravat."

"… Just take off the cravat if it makes you that angry." Squall glanced up at him before reaching out to pick up an orange charm off the top of the pile of clothing. "What's this?"

"I don't know. It's mine though. That's all I know," Xehanort reached out and took the charm, letting it rest in the palm of his hand.

Squall leaned over to continue looking at it. "Who are Aqua and Ven?" He finally asked, breaking the moment of silence that had formed between the two of them. "Their names are on it."

Xehanort shrugged, running his fingers over one of the petals. "No idea. Maybe they gave it to me or something. I don't really know-"

"What is _that_?" Squall interrupted him suddenly and Xehanort glanced up after pocketing the charm to follow his gaze.

Squall was staring at the _thing_. "Yeah… That's… I don't know what it is," Xehanort gestured towards _it_.

"It looks like some sort of weapon," Squall commented, standing up and walking towards it.

"You might want to be careful with it," Xehanort warned, "I swear, the thing has a mind of its own. One time, it turned into a laser cannon, the next time it turned into a whip."

Squall ignored his warning, reaching out to grasp it by what Xehanort always assumed was the hilt. It flickered out and then back into existence, moving three feet to the left, away from them. "What the…?" Squall muttered, following after it curiously, reaching out once again to attempt to grasp at its hilt.

"It doesn't like being touched," Xehanort added, watching Squall warily. "It broke Braig's nose when he kept trying to grab it; that was cool, but you might want to be careful. It has… moods. And it seems to only tolerate me."

Squall gave a small smirk at the mention of Braig's nose and dropped his hand back to his side, taking a step away from the thing. "So you really have no idea what it is?"

Xehanort took one final look at it before turning back towards the door and beckoning Squall to follow after him.

"No. But I don't think it was mine. Just a feeling I have."


	8. Chapt 2b Rough Divide

AN: Zack Fair has joined his fellow FFVII brethren in Radiant Garden. He has been to the Coliseum, but Radiant Garden is his home-world.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2.2: Prelude to a Storm – Rough Divide<strong>

"So what was it? Before it… exploded?" Squall asked, staring at the rubble. It had been a few weeks since the teen's arrival in Radiant Garden and finally Ansem had been persuaded to let Squall out of the Castle and into the actual town.

Xehanort glanced over at him, being Squall's chosen escort for his adventure. While he didn't mind too much, he was starting to wonder how long it would actually take to be let back into the labs again. He could handle it if he were thrown out for an actual reason like "Hey, I found out that you and Even are still poking people down in the basement, and that's 'bad'." But no, last time it was because of that _stupid song_ Ansem insisted on playing all the damn time. There was only so much he could take without snapping. He blamed the cravat for his explosive outburst a few weeks ago. It always made it a bit hard to breathe and just function correctly.

"A statue. Well, more like a fountain."

"As opposed to one of the other five thousand fountains we passed?"

"This one was actually pre-Ansem and his fountain building stage. According the locals, it's been here for almost as long as there has been Radiant Garden," Xehanort gestured to the memorial poster that had been erected next to them depicting it. "So at least you picked a good one."

"Oh, sorry I guess," Squall offered, sounding very unapologetic.

"It wasn't like you were aiming for it. And anyways, that stupid thing it's holding isn't what a Keyblade looks like anyway. Maybe they will remake it and get it right this time," Xehanort glared at the artist's rendition of the statue which was depicted holding a giant blade with ridges and grooves cut into the sides.

"… What's a key blade?" Squall asked, the space obvious.

"A Keyblade, one word and it's capitalized," Xehanort corrected, before the question caught up to him and he turned to stare incredulously down at Squall.

Squall shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "What?"

"You don't know what a Keyblade is?"

The teen simply raised an eyebrow before retorting, "Do you know what the Embodiment is?"

"No… but according to Ansem's weird visitor, every world he's been to has a legend about the Keyblade in some shape or form."

"Well maybe my world does. What is it?"

"It's like... The simplest version is that it is a legendary weapon that only appears to the worthy," Xehanort explained. Squall shook his head.

"Nope. Don't have one of those. All of our weapons are bought. Nothing magic there."

"… Really? That's weird. But… anyway, as far as I can tell, there are two legends. One says its wielder saved the world, while another says that he wrought chaos and ruin upon it. The Keyblade is said to hold phenomenal power. And with that power either comes a hero complex or corruption. So it's possible that different Keyblade masters visited different worlds, and thus the birth of different legends."

"Um, dude," Xehanort turned to look at Squall who was giving him an incredibly skeptical look. "You've thought way too much about this. Now my world has magic, but it makes sense. Don't tell me that you actually believe in magic swords."

Xehanort just scoffed. "Of course I believe in it. But… Radiant Garden has it all wrong. They believe the Keyblade appears to the strongest warrior. The Keyblade is supposed to appear to the one with the strongest heart, one that is deemed worthy. Ansem doesn't get it. There is this kid around here, people think he's going to be their Keyblade bearer because he has talent for fighting." With that, Xehanort rolled his eyes before adding, "Hell, even I would make a more worthy Keyblade bearer than Clud."

"… Did you just say 'Clud'?"

"Well, his name is Cloud, I just like to call him Clud sometimes." Xehanort shrugged. "Ansem had me babysit him before I was assigned to babysit you. He wasn't nearly as fun to watch."

Squall just stared at him before finally saying, "Cloud is a stupid sounding name just by itself… Do I have any stupid nicknames from you in my future then?"

"Says the one named Squall. Your name doesn't even need a stupid nickname."

"… Says the one named _Xehanort_," Squall retorted with a small scowl as he crossed his arms and looked down ground instead. "But anyways, you've really thought way too hard about this. I'm still hung up on the 'magic sword' bit. How do you know any of this by the way?"

"I read, unlike everyone else around here. Though I do know some things just by thinking about it, like that isn't a Keyblade. They might as well just call it a sword, there is nothing 'key' about that blade." Xehanort gestured at the picture of the statue.

"Well fine, assuming that there is a magic sword, what's it good for? Tremendous power is great, but it must have been created for an actual purpose."

"… I don't know. But keys open doors. Maybe a Keyblade opens a really big door. Maybe even the door to Kingdom Hearts."

Squall face was confused again. "What's Kingdom of Hearts?"

Xehanort stared at him in horror. "No 'of' and… You don't know about that either?"

Squall simply shrugged at that. "No, what is it, hell or something?"

"_No_. It's… the Heart of all worlds."

Squall barked out a laugh. "That makes even less sense."

"… Fair. I'll try that again. Just as every living thing has a heart, so do all of our worlds. And so does the universe. And this is Kingdom Hearts, which is locked behind a door that nothing can open. But why put a lock on a door that can't be opened?"

"Well why would anyone want to unlock the door?"

"If you change a person's heart, you change that person's path. So theoretically, if you change the Heart of all Worlds, you change the path of all worlds and everything on them. You could remake the universe."

"You know, where I'm from, we have our own fair share of myths. The one about the all-powerful god ended very badly for the all-powerful god because mankind does not like its course dictated. Hopefully this Keyblade wielder is smart enough to realize that."

"No one is smart enough to realize that. Power is power, and everyone likes power." Squall looked at him with an unreadable expression on his face before turning back to look at the poster.

"Does it give its wielder any other powers? Seems kind of boring if it only opens doors. I mean the word 'blade' is also in its name," Squall asked, sounding equal parts skeptical and confused by the whole matter.

"Oh. It can do all sorts of things. Obviously it's a weapon so fighting. It can unleash power. It has a mind of its own," Xehanort listed off, frowning while he tried to remember some of the more interesting things the legends happened to say. "Some books say there are only two, while others say there are thousands, which is confusing for a completely different reason. Why would you want that many Keyblades in the first place? It sounds like a pretty exclusive club."

"You really have thought about this way too much," Squall said with a slight laugh. "Anything else oh wise know it all?"

"Magic. It can do magic."

Squall frowned. "Well you can do magic too. I remember, you cast Blizzard when the statue turned into molten slag."

"Yeah… I'm a freak. I don't know why I can do magic. But there you go. I'm not the only one. There are others around here. One's a girl, one of the locals. But what we do isn't really true magic, it's like para-magic."

"We had para-magic back home," Squall commented offhandedly. Xehanort turned to look at him. "I can do it."

"What?"

"I could do it now, but I have a feeling that would end with me being dissected by Ansem," Squall shrugged before giving Xehanort a slightly suspicious glance. "Or you. Stop looking at me like that."

"Oh Ansem wouldn't do that. Even would, but Ansem views you as a pet project so you're safe for now. And I wouldn't dissect you unless you were dead first," Xehanort reassured while nodding, looking over the teen with renewed interest.

"How comforting. Are you planning on assisting me with my death in that case?"

"Only if you asked me to. So what does someone who can use para-magic, is a master at an obscure, difficult to master fighting technique and seventeen do with that skillset?"

"Kill people. Topple governments. Fight monsters," Squall replied easily.

"You've killed people?" Xehanort asked curiously.

"Lots of people. It's a job. And I'm good at my job… I'm also hungry again. I forgot what it was like to be fifteen."

Xehanort laughed and patted him on the shoulder. "I don't remember being fifteen, but if you're hungry the ice cream shop is right over there. But you have to get it."

Squall raised an eyebrow. "Then you have to give me gil."

"… Gil?"

"… What you use to pay for stuff?" Squall asked back, uncertain. "You do buy things here right?"

"Of course we buy things. We use munny."

"… Of course you do," Squall replied before holding out his hand. Xehanort deposited some munny in his hand. Squall stared for a moment.

"You pay for things with dice?" he asked, poking the rounded cubes with his fingers.

"That's munny. Why, what do you pay with?"

"Coins? Cash? Shiny metal disks and pieces of really advanced paper?" Squall asked but at Xehanort's blank look he sighed. "Tell me how to tell the difference between them."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Squall was fairly certain that he understood the bizarre monetary system in place. At least there were numbers written on the little cubes, but he had no idea of relative worth, so he wasn't sure if he was rich or broke. Apparently the cost of two ice cream cones was 60 munny. So unless ice cream was a rare commodity in this place, he was probably broke.

He made his way over to the ice cream stand while Xehanort lingered behind after calling out after him "Not sea-salt ice cream!" He contemplated who would make ice cream out of seasalt as he walked and rounded the corner. And then he saw _it_.

A large mutant duck, wearing human clothes, and holding… an ice cream cone?

He froze, uncertain if he should pull out his gunblade and attack. No else seemed to be panicking but they could just be stupid, or enchanted.

"Dude?" came a voice from behind him. Squall maneuvered so the duck was still in his line of sight so he could speak to whoever was behind him.

There were two teenagers, roughly his age. One had bright fire engine red hair, while the other's was light blue. He wasn't sure if this was comforting or not.

"Yes?"

"Dude. You going to buy ice cream or not?" The red head asked, gesturing. Squall was fairly certain he was gesturing toward the duck.

"… There is a large duck," he said slowly. The red-head nodded in agreement.

"Yep."

"It's wearing human clothes. It may also be speaking," Squall continued. The red-head was starting to look at him like he was deranged.

"Yeah? He sells the best ice cream in town," the blue haired one added, looking at Squall as if having an issue with the mutant duck was an actual problem.

"… He sells ice cream?" Squall asked, for clarification.

"Yeah? Dude, are you new?" The red-head leaned in, looking him over from head to toe. "You look new."

"Yes, I'm new. Large duck." Squall thought that bore mentioning again.

"What's your problem with ducks man? You have duck issues like Xehanort?"

"Not with ducks. I've just never dealt with talking animals in human clothes before."

"… Okay?" Red said after a pause. "Give me your munny and I shall guide you through this complex process."

"… No," Squall didn't know this guy. He could be a murderer, an assassin, a serial _arsonist_ for all he knew.

"Well then you're going to have to order your ice cream from the big scary duck all by yourself because Isa and I really want some ice cream and you are holding up the line."

"Lea, don't be a dick," Isa, Squall assumed, said before giving Squall a pat on the shoulders. "Let's go stranger. The longer you stare, the grumpier he'll get. They call him Scrooge for a reason."

Squall looked at the Duck in mild alarm as he was shoved closer.

"Not sea-salt ice cream," he blurted out as the duck turned its attention towards him. Squall couldn't read the duck's facial expression (having never had to do so before) but it didn't look happy. "Do you have chocolate?"

Squall took the ice cream from the duck's hands, which given that it was a duck didn't really make sense. Why would the duck have hands? He then gave the duck the munny, and once again hands were involved. Severely creeped out and confused, he headed back the way he came towards Xehanort.

Xehanort looked relieved when he returned alive.

"You didn't tell me there was a duck," Squall accused once he reached him and handed him one of the cones. Xehanort's face almost looked even more relieved.

"You are afraid of ducks too?"

Squall stared at Xehanort. "No? I just didn't know they talked here."

"Oh, he's the only one who talks," Xehanort supplied, trying his ice cream. "There are others over by the lake who just… are ducks."

"…"

"… What?"

"You're afraid of ducks?" Squall asked instead of commenting on the bizarre evolution of the species of this place. The ice cream was good though, he would give the duck that.

"More… I hate them."

"I would say 'sounds racist' but maybe 'speciest' would be better?" Squall muttered.

"I just… I have this reoccurring nightmare. There are these little ducks. And they are in different colored sweaters with matching baseball caps. And they are on these little platforms. And they clap. And I shoot them with ice cream."

Squall stared. Xehanort seemed to be staring into middle distance, a look of extreme duress on his face.

"You shoot them with ice cream?"

"From a piano cannon. But I'm not killing them, we are just making ice cream towers. And there is this song. And all I feel when I think about it is intense hatred. Maybe it's a memory from my past life before I got here."

"… You shoot them with ice cream from a piano? Because of a song?"

"Yes… the song. It goes dunnnnnnn dun dunnn dunnnnnnn dunnnn dun-dun." And then Xehanort started to sing.

"It's a world of laughter, a world of tears!" Squall stared as Xehanort just kept singing a highly irritating song that honestly, by the time Xehanort reached "A small world after all!" Squall too wanted to shoot ice cream at ducklings.

"... Wow. That's pretty messed up," Squall commented in the silence.

"I know. Why would the ducks do that?"

"I was talking about… nevermind. Wait, is this the song that got you kicked out of the lab a few weeks ago?"

Xehanort's face darkened. "Ansem shouldn't have set it as his ringtone."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Squall was freed from his captivity three days later when Ansem burst in at an ungodly hour and declared that he needed proper socialization. Squall's response was that Ansem could take his proper socialization and shove it up his ass which only reinforced Ansem's determination to treat him like a socially dysfunctional teenager.

An hour later, Squall found himself standing in front of yet another massive fountain that served absolutely no purpose whatsoever, except perhaps to be annoying as fuck.

It was possible that Squall didn't get enough sleep last night, making him more irritable than usual.

Still annoying as fuck though.

"Why are you making that face?" Xehanort asked from his side.

Xehanort still hadn't won his way back into Ansem's good graces. Perhaps properly socializing his charge would earn him brownie points. Squall couldn't really begrudge him the effort though.

"Where the fuck does all the water come from?"

"What?"

"I haven't seen it rain at all. And there are seemingly hundreds of useless fountains everywhere making continual annoying noises. Where the fuck does the water come from?"

Xehanort paused, looking thoughtful for a moment. "You know, I've never questioned it. But there is a massive desert right outside the walls, so it seems kind of wasteful now that I think about it."

"Whatever."

"… Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Xehanort said with a laugh.

"No. I'm normally like this. I've just been polite. But today, I am awake way earlier than I expected to be."

"… Great day to meet new people then."

Squall growled but followed after Xehanort, glaring at the massive fountain as they walked along it.

They walked over to a patch of nature things, like trees and bushes and Squall was really fucking tired okay?

In said patch of nature next to the useless fountain was a group of people about his apparent age, two male, two female.

One of the girls had a pink ribbon in her hair and was making flower chains. The other, who puberty had been quite kind to, was shadow boxing. The boys were fighting with practice swords, massive things that were taller than they were.

The dark haired one was talking excitedly. "And you should have seen Terra. He was so awesome! It was amazing and – Oh, hey Xehanort!"

He stopped to wave, bright smile on his face. The other, blond and younger, stopped fighting to turn. _Why did he stop? Distractions are when you attack with a vengeance._ Squall pondered this world's strange fighting standards as he trailed up behind Xehanort.

"You really do look just like him, Mr. Xehanort… What are you doing out of the labs?" dark haired one continued while he laid his massive sword down in the grass next to him.

"… Morning Zack," Xehanort greeted. The girls had turned their way now, and they had noticed Squall. Squall hated meeting people, especially teenage girls. It was like a circle of hell for him. Possibly the sixth.

"Are you still kicked out because of that song? Pink Ribbon asked. "Ansem still remembers?"

"He'll forget by next week," Busty reassured Xehanort. "Who's that?"

She gestured towards Squall, who starting to plan Ansem's violent death at this point.

"This would be Squall Leonhart, new guest of the castle. Ansem has decided he needs friends that aren't me," Xehanort stepped behind Squall, pushing him forward.

Squall felt vaguely offended by that.

"Hey, isn't that the kid from the-" Zack started before being silenced by a particularly harsh look from Xehanort.

"Yes. And don't bug him with questions. Introduce yourselves." Xehanort ordered, continuing to prod Squall towards the others when he stubbornly crossed his arms.

"Hello," said pink ribbon, stepping forward, smiling at Squall and holding out her hand. "My name is Aerith Gainsborough."

Squall took her hand and shook it, unable to quite return the smile but he did manage to wipe the scowl off of his face.

"And I'm Tifa Lockhart," said busty, snatching his hand eagerly once it was freed. She might have even possibly winked at him. _Fuck._

"And I'm Zack Fair!" Squall was half terrified he was about to get hugged as the guy came way too far into his personal bubble. "And blondie is Cloud Strife. Welcome to the Castle!"

Squall gave a stiff, polite smile as he glanced over at Cloud. _So this the 'Clud' Xehanort told me about_. "Thanks."

His eyes flickered back over to the girls, checking their reactions. He didn't like it when girls took a shine to him. So far, he looked safe, but he knew that at any moment, that could change and a totally normal girl could fall head over heels in like with a jackass of a teenage boy.

Even with all of his experience being a teenager, Squall was still terrible in these situations. Maybe honesty was the best policy. "I'm really terrible at social situations, maybe you guys should just go back to what you were doing before."

They all stared at him for a moment. "But isn't that just as awkward?" Zack finally asked.

Squall shrugged in response. "Not as awkward as all of us just standing around staring at each other. Can I just watch you guys train or whatever you are doing?"

"Sure? Whatever makes you happy. Toss in some advice if you have any!" Zack called out before picking up his sword and lunging at Cloud. Squall tried to retreat away from the teenagers but ran into a solid wall of periwinkle lab coat and cravat.

"Sorry. His Mighty Imperial Lordship King Ansem the Wise insisted that you stay the morning to make friends," Xehanort sounded about as enthused as Squall felt about the idea. "He's worried you might end up an antisocial recluse with personality and abandonment issues."

"He's about 17 years too late to fix that," Squall groaned, and threw himself down on the grass in a fit of childish angst.

Maybe he should consider writing trashy poetry. He never tried that last time around.

Eventually, staring at the clouds and how they stubbornly refused to even move in the sky wasn't enough to distract him from the fight happening twenty feet away. So Squall slowly started to watch, to trace their moves and analyze.

Once an instructor, always an instructor.

He wasn't sure if you could call it a fight.

A dance would be more appropriate.

Each move was choreographed, a step would be missed and they would back up and repeat until they got it right. While Squall understood the importance of repetition, he had always found the best way to teach students was to break the dance, to hit when they expected a step, to retreat when they expected an advance.

The dance was a polite dance as well. No swings towards unprotected areas. No cheap shots. Neither striving for more than not losing the match. Neither was fighting to win the match, ready to knee the other guy if it came down to it.

How could they expect to survive a real fight?

"Why are you being so nice to each other?" Squall finally asked, unable to stand the dance any longer. They both stopped and turned and Squall rolled his eyes because right there, that would be the perfect opportunity to hit your opponent over the head.

"Nice?" Zack asked, obviously confused. Squall rose to his feet, walking back over to them.

"You're not hurting each other. You're not even trying to hurt each other. How can you expect to win an actual fight?"

"Hey, I fought in the Coliseum," Zack protested like the place should mean something. "I even won a few times."

"And how many times did you bleed for these wins of yours?"

"True heroes don't have to hurt people to win. Terra…" Squall tuned Zack out as Zack started to craft a surely wonderful speech about some guy Squall could care less about.

"True heroes don't exist. They're fairy tales. In the end, soldiers are the ones who fight wars, and soldiers are the ones who die in them. And if you don't want to die, you're going to have to hurt someone," Squall cut Zack off eventually.

"But we don't have to _hurt_ each other," Cloud pointed out. Squall looked over at him, slightly confused.

"If you can't hurt each other, how can you expect to hurt a total stranger?"

"Well if you know so much, why don't you show us?" Zack half challenged, half invited.

There was a moment where Squall seriously considered accepting that invitation. "… I really don't think I should."

"What, don't tell me you're scared after all that advice you just dispensed?"

"You wouldn't learn anything fighting me, except some things you probably don't want to learn," Squall tried to explain. He was leagues ahead of these two, and would probably crush them in an instant if properly motivated. And that wasn't a lesson, that was bullying.

Zack stared at him for a long moment before smacking Squall in the knee with his wooden sword.

"Uhm." Squall was a bit stunned by that, and felt the old irritation start to rise. "You wanna try that again?" he bit out.

Zack hit his knee again.

Squall stared at him for a long moment, before sighing and giving into his darker impulses. "Fine. Get me a sword." _So I can hit you twice in the knees._

Cloud started to hand him another one of the ridiculously large wooden swords, but the expression on Squall's face stopped him and he selected a sword similar in length to his gunblade.

Squall took the toy sword by its hilt and swung it around a few times, getting used to the balance of the light weapon.

Then he caught the toy by the hilt and brought it around one handed into Cloud's side.

Cloud squeaked in surprise and Zack started to laugh before Squall changed direction and swung the training sword into Zack's knees. Hard.

"Your mistake," Squall said, tapping Cloud on the knee lightly to get his attention for the lesson. "Was assuming I would hit Zack first. On the other hand," and he brought the sword into Zack's knees, just as hard as the first time as payback. "You assumed that I wouldn't hit you. Twice."

"Hey-" Zack started before ducking quickly and awkwardly away to miss Squall's next attack.

"No talking until you can land a blow. Talking is a distraction. And a waste of oxygen."

Cloud seemed to take this advice to heart, charging again, silently.

Squall moved out of the way and hit Cloud with a glancing but painful blow to his leg. Cloud had rolled out of the way a moment too late, focusing on hitting Squall rather than dodging. "You need to press your advantage. You're more agile than Zack. Use that agility."

"Why should we-" Zack was cut off as Squall tapped him on the side of the head, gently but mockingly.

Zack batted the sword away, irritated. "Why are you- AH!"

Zack ducked and scrambled out of the way as Cloud's sword wizzed uncomfortably close to Squall's head and into the vacant space Zack's head once occupied. Squall blinked and then stared as Cloud seemed to actually take his advice. Maybe there was hope for them after all. If Zack could be convinced to stop talking that is.

"Cloud! What are you-" Zack brought his sword around to parry.

"You're faster than Cloud, Zack," Squall commented, bringing his own sword around to slash at the air between them as they leapt apart. "How about you use that?"

"I know I'm faster but OW!" Zack yelled as Squall slightly miscalculated and landed a blow to Zack's ribs that was harder than intended. To be fair, Squall didn't expect the guy to just stand there while it happened.

Squall rolled back out of the way as Cloud's ridiculously huge practice sword came down hard in the grass in front of him.

A bit too hard as the sword lodged in the ground and refused to come out easily. Zack hit Cloud in the side with a glare. "Stop hitting me you jerk. I thought we were on the same team."

Squall watched Cloud yank the sword out of the ground after a few moment's struggle, but decided not to comment. Cloud obviously figured that one out on his own.

Cloud swung his sword at Zack, who leapt back before charging at Squall. Squall brought his practice sword up to block the blow, realizing a millisecond to late what a dumb idea that was as Cloud's massive sword cut into his vision. He reacted instinctively, bringing his free arm up to deflect the blow, to protect his head.

In a real battle, that would cost him his arm, permanently, but might possibly give him enough time to level the bastard before he died. In this battle though, he felt his bone vibrate, but not snap. His arm would be injured, mostly useless for the rest of the skirmish, but fine.

He wrenched away from the other two, putting a sword length between them. He glanced down at his arm, twitching his fingers, tapping them to check for sensitivity. Everything seemed to still work, but it hurt to move.

Cloud was strong. This changed things. And now, Squall was mad.

"Uhm, guys, really?" one of the girls said from the side lines as Squall threw down his sword and charged at Cloud. Cloud was dumbfounded by this turn of events but Zack, foolishly and honorably, tossed down his own sword and moved to intercept.

Zack decided to punch Squall in the jaw. It hurt, but not as badly as it hurt Zack.

"OW!" Zack pulled back, shaking his hand and staring down at the now red knuckles.

"Don't aim for the face," Squall growled out before punching Zack in the stomach with his good hand.

Cloud's foot was suddenly in his field of view. Squall was knocked to the ground by a round-house kick that left him dazed.

He shook the fog out and rolled out of the way of Zack's foot. Squall lashed out violently, swiping Zack's feet out from underneath him before dodging a fast blow from Cloud. Apparently Cloud was better at hand to hand.

Zack was pissed now, anger practically visible in the air around him as he threw another punch at Squall, this time towards his kidneys. Squall twisted, trying to take the blow in a less important area, and in the process ran into another one of Cloud's kicks before it reached full power.

Cloud lost his balance and tripped over him, falling to the ground and landing on top of both of them, Squall trapped in the disadvantageous position on the bottom of the pile.

"Alright guys seriously," said the other girl, the shadowboxer, as she tried to pull Cloud off of him. Zack practically snarled at her and a moment later Squall found himself pinned down on his front in a sloppy hold.

That could work to his advantage.

He was dimly aware of the other girl running away from them, and of Xehanort, watching with cold, collected interest.

He caught a glimpse of Cloud's feet, making Zack the one on his back.

Zack was faster, better at sword work but shit at hand to hand. Cloud was a hard hitter, better at hand to hand but couldn't defend against someone faster with a shorter weapon.

A plan formed in his head as anger got the better of him. Quick, brutal and efficient.

Zack first, then Cloud.

He reached out with his uninjured hand and grasped a large rock. He kicked out with his foot, catching Cloud in the ankle, forcing Zack to shift his weight as Cloud came toppling toward him.

Squall twisted over, grasping Zack's wrist as he fell off balance. He brought the rock around slamming it into Zack's forearm. Zack yelped in pain as Squall rolled to his feet. He brought his hand hard into Zack's sternum, smirking in satisfaction when he felt the bones creak against his hand. He then faked a punch towards the other boy's jaw, catching a hand that rose to defend. He jerked down on the arm, simultaneously slamming his knee into Zack's stomach.

Zack collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath.

Cloud's turn.

Cloud seemed to have come out of his daze and had regained that ridiculously large wooden sword. Squall slid backwards, away from him, ducking down to grasp his own training weapon. He ducked as Cloud swung. Grasping the sword with both hands Squall brought it around to slam, hard, into his opponent's knuckles. Cloud dropped his wooden sword, stumbling back from Squall. Squall saw another gleam of hope in Cloud's warrior future when the blond clumsily picked up Zack's dropped wooden sword. Squall took a deep breath and started swinging, in hard measured quick blows designed to wear Cloud out, cause him to lose focus on his enemy, and instead to focus on his poor footwork. Squall used his barely there height advantage for all it was worth. Though Cloud stumbled, that just made the blond angry, causing him to prepare for a charge. Squall's wrist still hurt so he couldn't risk an angry swing.

And then it happened without him realizing until it was too late. His uninjured hand reached out, and he felt fire gather in his palm.

The fire slammed into nothing, halting between himself and Cloud.

"What is going on here!" someone roared and Squall dropped his toy sword, snapping into attention before he could stop himself.

He felt slightly awkward when all Zack did was roll to his feet with a groan and Cloud just stared at the place where the fireball had been.

Squall found himself looking at an old man with a ridiculously long beard in a blue dress.

"What were you thinking, using magic in a play fight?" The man continued to roar, this time specifically at Squall who flinched slightly, out of shame for his lack of self-control.

"Yes Sir, I wasn-" Squall started, military training hard to ignore, but he was cut off as the old man shifted his focus away towards Cloud.

"And you! Aerith said you nearly broke his arm!" Cloud looked down at his feet, but offered up no explanation. Squall was vaguely mystified.

"And you!" The old man turned his fury on Zack. "I don't know what you did, but I am sure it was just as bad!"

Zack looked around, as if wondering if the man was referring to someone else before he started to respond with, "Hey! It wasn't my-"

Squall rolled his eyes at Zack's continual inability to shut up as the old man screamed, "QUIET!" at him.

"Okay..." Zack muttered, still not quiet, before he turned around and started sulking.

The old man was pointing at Xehanort now, who was staring back nonplussed. "What were you doing?"

Xehanort shrugged, closing his notebook. "Nothing, your Elderness. Well, observing if you want to get tech-"

"NOTHING? AND WHO ARE YOU CALLING 'YOUR ELDERNESS'?"

Squall had never been on the receiving end of this kind of lecture before. He, Zack, and Cloud were edging away from the deranged old man as he proceeded to give Xehanort, an unquestionably adult man, a dressing down suited to a four year old.

Xehanort stood there while smiling placidly, taking the lecture as if it were a pleasant conversation, occasionally nodding in agreement and reopening his notebook to write something down. This proceeded to make the old man even more angry and soon the screams were becoming almost incoherent with rage and distance as the three of them backed far enough away that they could escape unseen.

As they turned to make their quick exit, Squall made a quick decision.

"Hey… You need to work on your footwork," he directed at Cloud. "And you… talk too much which is a problem because you're just distracting yourself instead of your opponent," he then said to Zack. "We can try again next week, give us all some time to work."

"What? And get yelled at, bruised, hurt and-" Zack started to work up to his own tirade before Squall cut him off.

"You have the basics down, but this place isn't giving you the ugly experience you need to be a solid fighter against an unknown enemy. And all places eventually fight an unknown enemy," Squall said with a shrug. "You have talent. It should be fostered."

"And why would you help us? Hell, how could you help us?" Cloud asked, sounding angry and a bit scared, though Squall couldn't blame him since he had just escaped being set on fire.

"Because as I found out today, my temper is something that could get me killed in a fight. And you two bring out my temper. I've... become careless since I arrived here. We can all learn from one another, in some way or another," Squall answered.

Cloud stared at him long and hard before nodding and even offering Squall what might have been a grin. Squall wondered vaguely if he should apologize, but decided against it. Empty apologies meant nothing in the end.

"Why should we listen to you?" Zack spoke up and Squall shifted his focus back to him. "I mean, you're not a hero, you're just some stranger who tried to break my ribs."

"I was called a hero. Back home. And back home, my job was fighting wars, defeating unknown enemies, and making sure others could do the same," Squall moved past them, back towards the castle. "Next week. Footwork and Talking."

* * *

><p><span>AN:<span> Now that school is out and we are settled, we should be able to get a chapter out every week. Our update days are going to be somewhere from Friday to Sunday (so the weekend basically).


	9. Chapt 2c Blasting Zone

**Chapter 2.3: Prelude to a Storm – Blasting Zone**

_Too mushy. _

_Too firm._

_This one is past its prime._

_And that one is probably years past its expiration date._

… _But maybe that one. What's his name again? _

Xehanort pulled out his pen as he wrote the name "Isa" on his list. That was enough shopping for today. He folded up his notebook and turned to find his charges just staring at him.

"… You've been just people watching for the last twelve minutes, and it's actually starting to creep _me_ out." Squall looked back to the apples he had been going through.

"You started to freak me out when you hit the two minute mark," Cloud commented, walking over towards Squall, holding a carton of milk. "But Squall says you do this sometimes and I should just ignore it. In any case, it's nice that you're taking time off to see us."

Xehanort shrugged the comments off and placed his pen back into the breast pocket of his lab coat. He was technically taking time off from research so he could shop around for his next test subjects, but Cloud didn't need to know that.

Cloud joined Squall at his side and Xehanort could have been imagining it, but the blond's cheeks were turning red. His eyes narrowed, observing the two of them for a long silent moment. _Interesting_.

It had been almost a year, 10 months to be exact, since Squall had arrived here in Radiant Garden. In that time he seemed to have adjusted to the so called oddities of this world including their "fucking weird ass physics" and their "bizarre belief system." He even appeared to have made friends.

Xehanort could only wish he could say that his own adjustment to Radiant Garden life had been as smooth. Even and him still carried out their research in secret in the basement, Ansem still insisted that he wore the fucking purple cravat, and he still had a hard time connecting with the rest of humanity like everyone here expected him to. But at least on that front, he and Squall were similar. They both had a hard time understanding their fellow man.

The Heartless research also wasn't going as well as he had hoped. While they had succeeded in creating a few specimens, they weren't multiplying at a satisfying rate and they retained their small size. A small percentage of them had also developed the disgusting habit of cannibalizing each other, which wasn't all that useful. They also required an irritating amount of live food.

"Hey, guys, guess who is victorious? You have no idea what I had to do to get this! It was the last one!"

Squall turned as he picked up his shopping basket, and even though Xehanort could not see his expression, he could practically sense the teen's eye roll as Zack came into view, holding a bag of microwaveable hotdogs over his head and sauntering towards them like some sort of call girl.

"Indoor voice, Zack," Squall called out from across the aisle, walking forward to meet him halfway. "But nice going."

"You three are disgusting," Xehanort commented, eyeing the cheap and unhealthy food with distaste. Did they even know what went into those things? Teenage boys, he didn't get them at all sometimes.

Zack deposited the hot dogs into Squall's shopping basket and flashed Xehanort one of his blinding grins. He in return tried to smile, but when it ended up being more of a grimace, he gave up.

Zack continued to smile at him and when he started to open his mouth to speak, Xehanort's expression tightened, since he already had a sinking suspicion of what the black haired teen was going to say. "Dude, I know I keep saying this, but you so totally look like Terra. Except you're like the nerd version and you wear purple. And you also have grey hair because you're old or something."

Xehanort twitched. He was pretty certain that at the rate this was going, if he ever ran into this Terra that Zack was so obsessed with, the very first thing he was going to do was murder him. Or maybe poke him in the basement first with Even before throwing him to the Heartless.

Cloud had taken a few steps forward to rejoin his two friends, remaining close to Squall again, who seemed to be wholly indifferent to his presence. "Zack, your crush on Terra is starting to concern me."

Zack huffed and then shot Cloud a meaningful glance. "Yeah, Cloud, if you want to talk about crushes then maybe we should talk about your crush on-"

"Heeeee-y, Master Xehanort."

Xehanort spun around in alarm at the same time Cloud launched himself at Zack to find himself face to face with Braig. He took a step back in alarm since Braig's face at any distance was slightly frightening, let alone six inches away from his. Xehanort was a research assistant for Ansem, he wasn't good with people by definition. People with huge facial scars and eye patches that always draped themselves around him and insisted on calling him "Master" like they were in some BDSM partnership were even lower on the list of people he was comfortable dealing with.

"Don't call me 'Master,' that's just creepy," he growled out, crossing his arms indignantly. He still had hope that he could stomp out that annoying nickname Braig had for some reason bestowed on him before it had a real chance to stick.

Braig put up his hands defensively and laughed, much to Xehanort's annoyance. "Whatever, but the Boss wants to see you. In his office."

"… Now?" Ansem never called him up to his office anymore.

Braig nodded and Xehanort wasn't too concerned until he saw that shit eating grin on the other apprentice's face. This could only mean bad things for him, Braig only looked that smug when Xehanort was in big trouble with the big man. With a slight sense of foreboding, Xehanort said a quick goodbye to Squall, who may or may not have been listening to him, and then started the long walk back to the castle.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

He knew he was screwed when he opened the door and saw Even was already sitting in Ansem's office. Even didn't seem to notice him at first, eyes glued to the giant portrait of Xehanort that Ansem still refused to tear down.

"I know, it's creepy," Xehanort growled, glaring at his portrait as it stared vacantly off to the side. It was painted when he first arrived here, and quite possibly while he was still concussed if that slightly confused face his painting was a currently making was any indication. Fucking Ansem.

Even whipped around in his seat as Xehanort plopped down in the chair next to him. "Why is there a portrait of you in Ansem's office?" He looked back and forth between Xehanort and the disturbed and possibly stoned Xehanort hanging on the wall. "I always knew you were his favorite!" he accused, jabbing a finger at him.

If this was what it meant to be Ansem's favorite, then Xehanort never wanted that honor again.

"I don't know! And where is Ansem? This is probably all your fault!" he threw back, crossing his arms and pouting while he sank down in his seat.

Even was preparing to scream something back when the door opened.

The two of them both jumped and sat up straight again in their chairs as Ansem made his way around his desk and sat down in his high backed seat. Their leader laid several notebooks out on the desk, and with a sinking feeling, Xehanort recognized them. Those were his research notes.

Ansem picked up the first one and flipped to a dog eared page. And then he started to read. "It is my duty to expose what this darkness really is. I shall conduct the following experiments: Extract the darkness from a person's heart. Cultivate darkness in a pure heart. Both suppress and amplify the darkness within."

_I'm so fucked._

Ansem closed the notebook and slid it across the table towards him.

Xehanort took a moment to compose himself and put on his best smile before answering innocently, "Oh, those are Even's."

"THEY ARE NOT!" Even shrieked before he was silenced by Ansem suddenly gesturing for him to be quiet.

"No, they are not. Apparently, they are _my_ research notes because my name happens to be on all of them. Which is funny, considering I don't remember ever writing these." Their king then turned to just look at Xehanort, observing him as if he was looking for some sign of guilt, shame, embarrassment. When his apprentice only returned the stare coldly and in silence, Ansem slammed his hand against the top of the desk, making Even jump.

"I found your friends down in the basement," Ansem continued on angrily, making Xehanort freeze up in shock. "Care to explain?"

"Uhhhh," he replied slowly, glancing over at Even who looked just as dumbstruck as he was. And then a slightly more worrying question entered his mind. Did Ansem mean the Heartless, or their live food? _I'm so fucked_, he thought for the second time this day. "Oh, uh, _them_," he started, trying to come up with an explanation on the spot. It would have gone better if he wasn't trying to be as vague as possible so that way if Ansem had only found one set of "friends" he wouldn't be as screwed as he would be otherwise. "Yeah, just doing research with them, normal run of the mill research. Because I'm your research assistant, and that's my job."

He actually thought he was doing pretty good until he saw the look Even was giving him.

Ansem didn't seem all that convinced either.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Two hours later, Xehanort finally stormed out of Ansem's office after being informed that his research, the Heartless, and any equipment that had been used for the experiments was to be destroyed. As additional punishment he was sentenced to working on the most boring research that he had ever heard of (a more efficient fertilizer for the flowers) while Even was to work on something involving magic fruit. After everything was settled and done, he promptly made his exit from the room but not before yelling some choice obscenities and accusing Ansem of having a belt fetish. It wasn't one of Xehanort's finest or most refined moments, but he was so angry that he couldn't care less right now. When Braig tried to halt him from leaving, he responded by casting a stop spell and left quickly for the gardens before it had the chance to wear off.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Squall took his Guardian Forces "out for walkies" about once a week, if he could manage it. This world was different, obeyed different laws, right down to when exactly things like gravity applied. His GF's appeared to be in working order when he summoned them, when he used them to work simple spells, but he hadn't had a chance to actually try them out on anything, like a monster.

For all the fact that this world was heavily fortified, as if always on the edge of a great battle, it was disturbingly peaceful. Squall had spent the first few months waiting for the next battle, the next conflict, but it never came. Radiant Garden was not like home. They lived in peaceful times, and would continue to do so.

But his GFs still needed something to do.

So he sat in this horrible grass lawn in the back part of the castle gardens, trying his hardest to ignore the fountains and Cloud watching him and the heat of the sun while he worked with his constant companions. He took Shiva out for a bit, summoning her and letting her dance while he watched. He took Cerberus on a run around the perimeter of the lawn, even though Cerberus was an awkward runner.

Cloud occasionally would ask him questions while he did this, still unable to really comprehend exactly what Squall was doing, no matter how many times he asked. "So they live in your memory?"

"Yes Cloud," Squall growled out as he sorted through the pile of trinkets he had bought.

"And they … do stuff?"

Squall rolled his eyes, selecting a necklace and holding it in the palm of his hand as he called forward Doomtrain in his mind. "Yes. They 'do stuff'."

"No I mean… they can do pretty much whatever you want?"

"They can't save me from certain death. They can help me increase my abilities, magic reserves, give me a kind of field around me that can repel or attract monsters, things like that."

"Plus they fight for you."

"They fight with me," Squall corrected, because it seemed to be a difficult distinction. "If I die, then they might die with me. It's to everyone's advantage if we all survive." Doomtrain cooed at him from the back of his mind and Squall set back to focusing on the necklace in his palm. Doomtrain reduced the necklace down to its core, stripping it away and started to work, altering the components into spells for Squall to use. Cloud never seemed to be too mystified by this particular trick, commenting before that it reminded him of something called "synthesis."

Squall was a bit nervous about the number of seemingly tame necklaces and materials found on this world that would reduce to vicious, cutting spells. But on the other hand, some necklaces created spells so nice he was fairly certain that they didn't exist back home. One of them gave you a soothing, sweet smelling breeze. How on earth could that be useful ever?

"Why don't you ever bring that one out?" Cloud asked, having relocated to sit down right in front of where Squall was sitting cross legged, meditating. Squall cracked open an eye to glare at Cloud.

"Doomtrain literally breathes hundreds of poisons. For some reason, that makes him a bit shy," he bit out before closing his eyes. "Shiva is… well harmless is completely the wrong word but she won't kill you just by simply sharing air with her unless you touch her, at which point you'll get frozen and your hand will fall off. Cerberus is support exclusive. He can't really harm except with his teeth and sheer size."

"And the last one? Why don't you let that one out? Eve or something?"

"Eden. I never let Eden out because Eden is larger than the entirety of Radiant Garden and it's a bit difficult to just… play with Eden. Plus summoning it is exhausting and I will sleep for hours after doing so. Which is why we just play," Squall replied, indicating the deck of cards he had brought for solitaire with Eden later. It seemed to like the game, chiming and whirring in the back of his mind.

Griever was silent, watching Cloud even as Squall kept his eyes closed. Griever was the last of the Guardian Forces he brought with him, and one he intended to keep secret for as long as possible. Griever only was summoned in his room, late at night, when the door was locked. The GF was a twisted gift, mostly Squall but also something else. Looking at it was like looking in a mirror, whenever the GF was in its humanoid form. Well, that is if Squall still looked as old as he felt. Griever didn't follow the same rules as the rest either, could be kept out for hours at a time without any strain, could even be kept outside while Squall summoned other GFs. He wasn't as practical as the others when it came to specific skills, like material to magic conversion, but his ever watchful gaze was incredibly useful.

"Oh! Hey Xehanort!" Cloud called suddenly, causing Squall to drop what remained of the necklace. He opened his eyes as Doomtrain fell back in his mind.

The scientist looked pissed.

Squall frowned, but stood, moving to greet the man. "Hello. Did something happen?" He asked, eyes drifting up to the castle. Xehanort tensed in fury and Cloud looked ready to bolt. "Did you get kicked out again?" Cloud definitely moved back at that. "Seriously it's been only like a month or so? What did you do this time? Or what did Ansem do because seriously this is getting ridiculous."

Xehanort seemed to have some sort of fit. Squall watched as the man made inarticulate noises of rage before seemingly miming vicious attacks at a nearby rose bush. Squall waited patiently as this happened but Cloud looked mildly terrified.

"You done?" Squall asked when Xehanort seemed to deem the rosebush fake dead enough.

"I. Hate. Ansem," Xehanort gritted out. Squall just shrugged in a way he hoped said 'no fucking shit'.

"You should take off the cravat. It might help," Squall pointed out. "I know you say it always makes it… hard to breathe. And you should probably breathe, a lot, right around now."

Xehanort ripped the cravat off, and for some inexplicable reason, threw it at the fake dead rose bush. Squall stared but decided not to comment.

"I'm just… I'm going to go," Cloud muttered before turning to look at Squall. "See you around Squall, okay?"

"Yes. Tomorrow. For training?" Squall reminded the blond, confused as to why it would even be a question since it was their standing time. Cloud turned red before nodding and smiling again. Squall stared back.

"Right. Of course. Uhm. Bye!" and then Cloud left, awkwardly walking backwards until he nearly tripped into one of the billion useless fountains. Squall watched him leave, before turning to Xehanort.

"Does Cloud seem… weird to you?" Squall asked. Xehanort was staring after Cloud like he tended to stare at the people in the supermarket. "You want to dissect him, don't you?"

"Sometimes I do. He's all… red now."

"Seriously, why is he constantly uncomfortable looking? I am much nicer than I was before, and I haven't broken any of his bones in the last several months," Squall sighed before returning to his pile of toys for Doomtrain to break apart.

He looked up to see Xehanort's attention on him now. "Now you want to dissect me, don't you?"

"Only if you're dead first," Xehanort replied a bit too quickly for Squall's taste.

"Planning on accelerating that process?" he teased, as he always did when they reached this line of discussion, before closing his eyes and setting to work on breaking apart a ring into basic components and those parts into spells.

"… No."

"That pause was not reassuring. What did Ansem do?"

Xehanort went back to making some bizarre noise of fury before throwing himself down on the grass in a dramatic heap.

"Well now you'll ruin your nice periwinkle lab coat," Squall pointed out, only to be subjected to what sounded like Xehanort writhing in the grass.

_Holy shit, he's totally snapped this time_.

"He kicked me out of the labs. I was so close to completing phase two of my research and he kicked me out of my lab! And then he destroyed all of my research!"

"Did you make a copy?" Squall asked as the ring started to come apart.

"Of course I made a copy but it's the principle of the thing," Xehanort moaned into the ground.

"Well, don't worry, you won't have to put up with him forever."

"…"

"What?"

"What?" Xehanort sounded like Squall had attempted to explain the mysteries of the universe or something.

"He's old. He won't live forever. Hell, he won't be in charge for much longer, given the number of senior moments you've been accusing him of. People don't like leaders who can't remember who is in or out of favor. It makes them uncomfortable."

"… Did that happen in your world?" Xehanort sounded a bit too excited but Squall couldn't blame him.

"My job was to occasionally facilitate such changes in government."

"You mean… like start rebellions or something?"

"Or something." _Assassination sounds like it might be a difficult concept to explain_.

"But… isn't that upsetting?" and Xehanort sounded like he was unfamiliar with the concept of what people found to be upsetting, but surely this must fulfill the requirements.

"For some people I guess. But sometimes a change in government is for the best." Squall opened his eyes to look at the man, who was staring back like Squall had just given him new hope in the future. "Now go away, you're distracting me and Doomtrain is starting to cry because the mean silver man won't let him play."

Xehanort rose from his heap on the grass, heading over to the rose bush where his cravat was tangled in the thorns. He hesitated for a moment before Squall couldn't take it anymore.

"Just destroy it. You'll feel better."

Xehanort looked over at him for a moment before turning his attention back on the rosebush.

And then he set it on fire.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"So… Hypothetically," Xehanort said as casually as possible a week later at lunch with the rest of the apprentices. It sounded really forced and a bit like he was attempting to proposition an orgy with nuns or something equally awkward. He winced slightly, but pressed on quickly. "Have you ever considered, you know, overthrowing Ansem and taking over and doing whatever experiments you want?"

Cue everyone staring at him like he was deranged, but that may have been because he spoke a bit too quickly to be understood. He took a deep breath to try again when Braig cut him off with a shake of his head.

"We heard you the first time, boss."

The room was silent, and Xehanort cringed, preparing himself for Ienzo (he was such a little _shit_) or someone to run out to tell Ansem all of his rebellious plans. But then the unexpected happened.

"Holy Kingdom Hearts, thank you!" Even exclaimed. All around him, the other apprentices were nodding in agreement, their food long forgotten.

Even continued. "Ever since you got us kicked out of the labs, he's been having me research little pet projects of his." He paused with a disgusted look on his face. "Magical. Soul-binding. Fruit. _Magical soul-binding fruit_. I asked him if I can have one to conduct experiments on. He says he doesn't know where it is! Apparently it is on another world! _ANOTHER WORLD_! He doesn't even know if it really exists!"

Xehanort nodded sympathetically. _Magical soul-binding fruit . Equal parts familiar, and equal parts incredibly creepy. Why does he need magical soul-binding fruit? … What if it is for me?_

Someone else spoke however before Xehanort's mind was able to wrap itself around that last thought. "I look like a girl scout!" Xehanort turned to look at Braig.

"Look at this uniform! Does anything about this say _sniper_ to you? No, it says 'would you like to buy a box of girl scout cookies'!" Braig gestured at his whole uniform, still holding a fork in one hand. "I love those damn cookies, but I don't want to look like I'm selling them!"

"Who doesn't love those cookies?"Aeleus muttered. Xehanort froze in shock since this was the first time during his entire year at Radiant Garden that he had ever heard the man say anything. "He has me guarding a door."

An awkward silence filled the room and when Aeleus did not continue, Xehanort dared to prod him a bit further. "And? Isn't that your job?"

Aeleus shook his head, a very dark look coming over his face. "No… You do not understand. I was told that I was guarding a secret of grave importance, and that it must be kept 'safe no matter what the cost'. I took my orders without question for a week until this morning when I finally looked. He has me guarding belts. _Belts_."

He was going to ask for a moment, but then it occurred to him that it might actually be his fault that Aeleus was stuck guarding that door since Ansem looked awfully paranoid when Xehanort made that comment about all the belts kept in his desk. Aeleus was very large, and tall, and made Xehanort feel a bit insecure, especially if he knew that he was responsible for the belt problem.

Ienzo was the one to continue. "He takes me out for ice cream every day." Everyone turned, confused about what could be so wrong about free ice cream, and all secretly wondering if this was the moment Ienzo ran off to reveal their evil plans. "He gets me sea salt ice cream. I don't like sea salt ice cream. He doesn't listen, and he just buys me more _sea salt ice cream_."

Xehanort almost laughed until he saw how absolutely horrified Ienzo looked by all of this. And then he remembered that he didn't like sea salt ice cream either. "Ugh…" He gave an involuntary shudder before reaching over to sympathetically pat Ienzo on the back. "That's horrible. Why would anyone do that?"

"You all have nothing to complain about."

Everyone turned to look at Dilan, incredulous.

"Dude, you play Solitaire all day. I would kill to have your job. Quite literally." Braig pointed at his friend.

Dilan arched one of his (terrifying) eyebrows. "You know that new ENCOM security program we bought for the town? Ansem has given me the task of programming it. It has developed a personality. And it calls itself TRON."

"Well, that doesn't sound too bad," Xehanort said hesitantly.

"No. First it decided it needed a face. My face." Dilan paused, looking disgusted before continuing. "When I yelled at it for that, it added my face to its databank and then stole a face for itself from the janitor who happened to be cleaning the room at the time."

Xehanort was starting to get creeped out already. He didn't want anyone to steal his face since he already doubted his own ownership of his appearance.

Dilan looked around, focusing a bit too long on the microwave. "It watches me. And anytime I want to do anything, it demands I play a game. And sometimes, it tries to abduct me with a laser that for some reason is seated right behind me, pointed at my _head_."

"Dude, it's like you're being cyber bullied by your computer," Braig laughed.

"Worse… Cyber stalked. I left it alone with my phone once… It uploaded 'TRON' onto it. Now I get text messages at three in the morning asking if I want to play 'Light Cycle'."

"Maybe it just wants a friend?" Ienzo offered naively.

Dilan shook his head. "We're already friends. It photoshopped itself into all the pictures on my phone."

"… Dude, you can keep your job. I'll kill people so I don't have to have your job."

"Wait…" Ienzo started. "We all know why we're angry, but why are you angry Xehanort? Is it because of last week?"

Xehanort started to shake his head before nodding in agreement. "Well, yeah, partially because of last week, but it's so much more than that. I feel like his pet. I mean he used me as his guinea pig when we first started our experiments. And then when I wanted to continue to run the experiments on my own, he wouldn't let me. He talks on and on about how he found me years ago and nursed me back to health, but I've only been here a year. He dresses me up like a doll. You guys all saw me when you found me. I was in a muscle shirt and I had cool hair, armor, and a big… metal… thing? But look at me now. I'm a nerd in a periwinkle lab coat and a purple cravat. Old me would pick on me now. I mean no offense guys but really. I'm a nerd now. This isn't me. Something happened to me. And I am pretty sure that it is his fault."

Braig started laughing. Xehanort glared at him.

"No, dude I totally hear you."

"Which is why, when we take over the first thing that goes is the lab coat."

"Actually, I wouldn't mind if it was a black lab coat," Even chipped in.

"Trench coat sounds cooler. A black leather trench coat," Dilan corrected.

"You guys should have hoods," Ienzo contributed brightly.

"What? You're not joining us?" Xehanort asked, looking at Ienzo incredulously.

"I don't know. Starting a revolution seems like a bit of an overreaction," Ienzo replied, biting his lip thoughtfully.

"We'll need a cool name," Braig continued on with planning, ignoring the small hiccup in their plans.

"We're like a luncheon club," Even said.

"No. Not a club. An Organization," Xehanort muttered, a smile creeping over his face, hands coming to rest on the table as he slowly stood up. "We shall call ourselves Organization Si-_Badminton_."

"What? Did you just say Organization _Sebastion_? Fuck that!" Braig yelled as Xehanort changed from slightly megalomaniacal to nerd.

"No, Badminton! You know, for our new _Badminton_ Organization, that we're starting next week. During lunch," Xehanort gave Braig a pointed look. "You know, we have to plan our Badminton uniform."

"What?"

"Hi Ansem," Xehanort abandoned all hope of drawing Braig's attention subtly to the fact that their world's leader had walked into the room just a few moments ago and was standing directly behind him.

"Oh," Braig turned with a huge, fake grin. "Heeeee-y Bossman."

"We were just… deciding we all needed to… get more exercise?" Even said, also forcing a cheery look on his face.

"I am so glad that Xehanort is finally making friends, after all these years," Ansem droned as he smiled at all of them.

"You do know that I've only been here a year, right?" Xehanort asked, as he did every time Ansem seemed to lose track.

"It seems like only yesterday that I found you with that strange armor and…" Xehanort tuned Ansem out and ate some pudding. Honestly, the speech was the same every single time.

"But enough about the memories of years long past. Time to foster a new future. Ienzo, it's time for ice cream," Ansem called with a huge, grandfatherly smile that never failed to set Xehanort's teeth on edge.

Ienzo's eyes went wide. As he rose from the table he turned to them and said "Guys, I'm in. Let's… kick ass at Badminton."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"What are you wearing?"

"Our uniform, what are you wearing?"

"I thought we agreed to get rid of the lab coat!"

"Just because you have no appreciation for science, you nitwit, doesn't mean that I-"

"Fine! You can have your lab coat for now, but you know that Xehanort really doesn't like the lab coat. Or anything periwinkle."

"It's not periwinkle! It's white! And at least I don't look like a… manslut in my uniform!"

Braig and Even continued to argue in the hallway while they waited for the rest of Organization Six to arrive. Tonight was the night they would achieve their personal freedoms, be free to pursue their research in the name of science, and finally break open that keg in the basement. That was if they could agree on a uniform first.

When Ienzo walked into view, Even pointed an accusatory finger at him. "Where's your uniform? Xehanort said that we needed to be in uniform for this."

At this, Ienzo just stared, twisting the drawstrings of his hoodie with his fingers. "Um, you honestly expected me to sew my own uniform? I'm thirteen."

"You can work with thermonuclear astrophysics!"

"… I'm thirteen. I can't work a sewing machine. What is wrong with you?"

Before Even had a chance to reply to that, Aeleus rounded the corner. Wearing a leather muscle shirt.

"Dude, did anyone listen to what uniform we agreed on last week? Xehanort is going to be _pissed_!"

"… I listened."

They all turned around to look at Dilan, who was wearing a uniform that was admittedly perfect and exactly what they had agreed upon last week at their meeting. Braig whistled, looking the black hooded leather trench coat up and down.

"Did you have your cyber stalker sew that for you?"

Dilan sighed, crossing his arms across his (hairy) chest. "Do you have to bring TRON into this? He can probably hear-" BLLRRRRIP

Dilan's phone chimed and he whipped it out, furiously texting while muttering, "No, it is three in the morning, Light Cycle is off the table, you psychopathic _virus_."

"… Good, you are all here."

At hearing Xehanort's voice, they all turned.

"Heeeee-y Boss- Holy fucking shit!"

Xehanort blinked in confusion as Braig gawked at him. "… What?"

"… You look like a zebra. A deranged, fucked up zebra. What part of _black_, leather trenchcoat did you not understand? The black part?"

"He could also be a giraffe, since he's so tall," Ienzo chimed in helpfully. "Since those things kind of look like spots."

Xehanort raised an eyebrow, unsure what was causing all the fuss. His uniform was perfect. It represented all of them. "I'm the Superior, you said before that my uniform should be different."

"Not like that! I meant like you should have a tiara or something!" Braig continued to protest, gesturing wildly at Xehanort's black and white patterned leather uniform. "Not zebra-print!"

"But it's not zebra-print!" Xehanort growled out. "If you look closely, it's a rendering of all of our weapons. Because I'm the Superior!"

Ienzo leaned in closely, examining the print. "I don't see my weapon on it…"

"That's because you haven't chosen a weapon. You can't use a book as a weapon," Xehanort replied matter-of-factly, turning to face the door to Ansem's bedroom. "Fine, next week, we'll standardize our uniforms. But for now, we need to focus. Tonight, we will overthrow our oppressor. We shall reclaim our rightful places. No more humiliating work. No more sea salt ice cream. No more wasted days. No more cyber stalkers. No more girl scout uniforms. We will become our true selves! We shall-"

"Yeah, whatever Boss. Now shut up," Braig cut him off as he reached for the door.

Xehanort frowned, putting down both arms forlornly from where he was expressively gesturing.

Once the door was opened, they snuck into the room, taking their places around the large bed in its center. And then the figure in the bed woke up.

"What is going on here? Xehanort, is that you? Another nightmare again?"

"What? How would you know about that? Are you watching me in my sleep or something?" Xehanort's brain finally caught up to the situation. "I mean, um, no… This isn't Xehanort."

"Don't be ridiculous, my son. Come here and tell me your woes."

Xehanort stepped back as Ansem sat up in bed and possibly tried to hug him. "No! We're here to-"

WHAP

Xehanort could only stare in shock as Ienzo knocked out the leader of Radiant Garden with a book. Or more specifically, by slamming said book into the leader of Radiant Garden's face.

"… Nevermind, you can have the book as a weapon," he commented, fumbling around with the bedside lamp.

It clicked on.

And he laughed.

"Oh, so I guess he does wear belts around his head at night."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

They stood in the Forbidden Zone over the now deposed leader of Radiant Garden.

"Now, I want you to think about what you have done," Xehanort chided as he and the other apprentices prepared to leave. Ansem didn't say anything in response, but he might have still been slightly concussed from that blow to the head. Or maybe he too stunned at being treated like a six year old put in time out, which to be totally honest wasn't that far off the mark. After much debating about what to do with their leader, Organization Six had decided the best possible solution was to simply leave Ansem somewhere for a few months and then pick him up after finishing their research.

As a final act of defiance, Xehanort tossed his purple cravat that he had brought especially for this occasion at the King of Radiant Garden. And then they left. Xehanort couldn't help but feel that this was true justice.

The first thing he did when they returned to Radiant Garden was cut his hair and burn his periwinkle lab coat. And then they broke out the still.


	10. Chapt 2d Renzokuken

**Chapter 2.4: Prelude to a Storm – Renzokuken**

He woke when one of the vases on the mantel of the fireplace crashed to the ground. Squall bolted upright, eyes flashing around before he felt another tremor. There had been earthquakes in Radiant Garden before, and even more back in Balamb. But he usually slept right through them. And they were never strong enough to shake things from the shelves.

Squall was about to lie back down to sleep again when he took a deep breath and smelled burning. And not burning houses. It was a scent he hoped never to come across while he was stuck in this place. Burning bodies. People were dying.

Squall climbed quickly out of bed, nearly falling to the ground and injuring himself as his legs tangled in the sheets. He stumbled to the window, flinging open the curtains as best as he was able, eyes widening. Radiant Garden was aflame. As he watched, something bright and hot shot up into the air, towards the gorge before it exploded. And then he saw them. Swarming, black things, plastering themselves to the walls as they advanced on the city.

Terror gripped him. Primal, instinctive overwhelming terror, something he hadn't felt since he was seventeen. Since he almost got torn to pieces by a robotic monstrosity, killed by a psychotic woman throwing icicles, tortured and escaped from prison. Since he fell through time and space to confront an evil he still had a hard time even thinking the name of. But mostly since he looked to the sky and had seen missiles rushing towards them, towards his home, exploding in bright lights and powerful shockwaves.

Hopelessness filled him, like the sun just exploded and there was nothing to stop it. Death was coming. And it was coming swiftly.

Squall pulled away from the window, stumbling backwards towards the bed. There wasn't enough time to get dressed, but he pulled his boots on, lacing them tightly and efficiently. He grabbed his jacket from his closet, zipping it up as he mentally worked through his GF's junctions. Everything seemed to be in order, but he had no idea what he was facing so he focused on bolstering his strength and defensive capabilities. He grabbed his gunblade and opened the door.

He stumbled out into the hall, nearly tripping over a toppled suit of armor. Quickly regaining his balance, he set out for the stairs at the end of the hall. Though he could hear the noise of death (and yes, death has a noise, a soundtrack he heard all of his life before being marooned here), he saw no one in the castle as he darted down halls, glancing in through the doors. Upon reaching the staircase he found half of it in ruins and the other tenuous at best. How had he managed to sleep through that?

He jumped the rail instead of braving the stairs, catching himself on the edge of the balcony and lowering himself down until it was safe to drop. The lights were flickering and he could not see well below him but he trusted that the floor remained.

The floor was there all right. His foot slid ominously as his nostrils filled with the scent of blood. He looked down as the lights flickered back on. One of the servants had been caught in the collapse of the stairs, vacantly staring up at the ceiling. He knelt down and closed their eyes, before noticing something strange down on his current eye level. Claw marks. Large ones, etched into the supports of the stairs.

A chill settled in the base of his spine but he ignored it, especially when it started to creep up his neck. He rose, quietly moving now. Silence was preferable to speed anyway. He made his way to the front door, pulling it open, dashing outside when he heard movement behind him. He had no time for minor monsters. He needed to know what was going on.

Squall stumbled out into the road to the city, sprinting down the path through the gardens. There was a scream from around the bend so he sped up, pulling out his gunblade with practiced ease. For all the fear coursing through his veins, it would be good to fight again.

He skidded around the corner, gunblade at the ready. And then he saw it.

It was huge, over twice his size, black with a huge sword standing over a woman, who continued screaming uselessly. After a moment's thought, Squall dashed over to the side, using the path's unevenness to gain extra height. With a flying jump, he brought the gunblade down hard across the thing's neck. He felt it give and cut, taking the head off in one clean swipe. He landed roughly, dropping to his knees to roll out of the fall. He turned and grabbed the still uselessly screaming woman's wrist, dragging her to her feet and shoving her towards the city. He didn't look back on the fallen beast.

He almost made it to the city when he heard a scuffling noise behind him. Squall stopped, watching the woman get safely up the steps before turning slowly, eyes scanning the canyon path.

Everything was still except for the shadows. They continually shifted, casting strange shapes. Firelight made you see things, jump in the night. The scuffling noise came again, this time to the left. He whirled gunblade raised to strike but found nothing but stone walls and darkness.

He swallowed thickly, heart racing. Maybe it was rats and he was jumping at shadows. For a moment something flickered, like it did whenever he got a flash of a memory, ones that his GFs took from the space they occupied. A cave or something, with a door. A strong hand wrapped around his wrist as they ran from something in the dark.

Sei-

Something moved beneath his feet. Under them. Squall pulled back from the memories and jumped backwards, gunblade pointed at the ground. Nothing. Just dancing shadows. Nothing nothingnoth-UNHOLY FUCKING HYNE!

Squall screamed, stumbling back as something rose from the ground, twisting in the firelight. Shadows rising with glowing eyes. His could feel his eyes widen as he took another breath to scream again, eyes seeing all the shadows and the new lights gathered among them. Unholy Hyne.

In a panic he slashed out at one of them, feeling it give and crumple. He swung on another but it sank back down, dancing along the surface of the earth. A glimmer caught his eye and he found himself frozen, watching something emerge from the fallen creatures. A… A heart.

It glowed bright and hot, rising up from the disintegrating body into the night sky. And then it vanished into what he assumed was the mouth of one of the beasts, which quickly grew in size.

"Cannibals," Squall muttered to himself in a giggle filled panic. He swung his gunblade again, hitting air as the creature dropped down into the shadows beneath him. Panic was singing through his veins now, in a way he could never remember experiencing before. Right now, screaming sounded like the best idea in the world. So he did, and not a moment too soon as one of the creatures leapt at him, grasping him with claws and pulling him to the ground.

His gunblade fell from his hand as he thrashed, trying to throw it off him as he felt others sink their claws into him, pulling at him. His screaming got louder, and he knew if he kept it up much longer he would wreck his vocal cords for days. That made his screams higher, more hysterical as he realized he probably only had minutes left to live. And then he would die, for real this time, not the half deaths before he was dragged back to the world of the living by a phoenix down or a life magic. He was going to die.

And then the creature poised on his chest stopped clawing at him. He continued to scream but he felt it shift, a change in the air as the creature looked down at him through strange glowing eyes, one of its paws over his furiously beating heart. The others kept clawing, scraping at him and at each other for dominance, slipping over and under and around him in their shadowed form, ignoring his screams and cries and thrashing limbs. The still one however just looked at him, eyes glowing marbles but it looked, watching him gasp for air to scream with, sweat and cry and fear. And then it leaned forward, opening what he guessed was a mouth. Squall's vocal cords were starting to strain, crumple under his useless screams.

And then it did something he did not expect. It licked him. Or something close. One large swipe of something cold and almost wet across the side of his face. Squall stopped screaming for a moment as it pulled back, still looking at him. It made a noise then, halfway between a coo and a trill before it slithered away into the darkness, leaving it's still clawing brethren to finish him off. And then they swarmed.

Teeth bit into his arms, claws tore into his legs and his throat hurt. His vision was blurring under the weight of sweat and tears and his heart was aching. And then there was a sound that he knew far too well, the sound of metal cutting the air.

He felt the claws get torn from him as the creatures fled, leaving him gasping and crying and bleeding on the canyon floor.

"Squall?" A hand landed on his shoulder, causing another scream to tear itself from his throat.

"Shit…" someone leaned over him from the other side. "Squall?"

Zack… Zack was here. Kneeling next to him and holding out his hand.

"Squall we need to get to the city. It's more defensible there. Can you stand?" Squall took a few breaths to calm himself, ease the noises that were clawing out of his throat before he nodded, grasping Zack's hand.

Zach pulled him to his feet and Squall felt a hand on his back to help him steady himself. Looking back he caught sight of Cloud, looking sleep rumpled in fleece pajamas with a chocobo on the shirt, wide blue eyes looking down at him with worry. His gunblade was pressed into his hand, and he grasped it, feeling safer the moment it was returned to him. He looked at Zack then, clad only in cut off sweats, large sword strapped to his back.

Squall's legs were shaking but he stood, gasping. Cloud ducked under his arm, holding him up, whispering in his ear. "Hey, you're okay. Let's get you inside."

He wasn't okay. One of those things had… looked at him. Looked in him and seen something that made it decide to run away from him.

Cloud started to lead him back into the city, which was more difficult than it should have been as Squall was now leaping at shadows. Cloud held him close though, cradled against him.

They got to a house and opened the door, taking him inside. Aerith was standing next to the door in a long pink nightgown, eyes wide in the light of the burning city. Inside were also Cid, the local jack of all trades and a little girl with black hair that he recognized but couldn't recall the name of. Cid was reaching up to twist something on a… Oh… not a house. A hanger.

The ship was blocky, almost awkward but Squall wasn't going to complain.

Cid looked like he never went to bed, still dressed and grease smudged. Tifa was closing the door behind them, in an oversize t-shirt and shorts.

"Wha-… what were those things?" Squall's voice isn't as strong as he wanted it to be but he had expected this particular weakness.

That was the wrong question to ask as everyone exchanged a look. Cloud's touch became cautious and gentle, coddling, and Zack was also touching him now. Bad question to ask.

"Monsters," Cid said turning to give him an odd look. "Didn't they have them back where you come from?"

Squall started to laugh, causing Cloud's hold on him to tighten. "Monsters? Of the non-human variety? Yes, we had those. If you kept to the cities and roads they wouldn't bother you. But our monsters had teeth and claws. They were animals, not shadows. But why are we even talking about this? What about the people out there?"

"There aren't many left. Most of the ships have evacuated the city." Cid answered gesturing vaguely to encompass the rest of the population of Radiant Garden.

"Then why are you still here?" Squall asked, twisting away from the others, walking over to Cid, much more steady then he felt.

"Well we couldn't damn well leave you here," Cid replied gruffly.

"Has… Where are the adults?"

"Most have left with their families." Tifa answered, carefully avoiding mentioning what happened to the rest.

"No, I mean what happened to Xehanort and the others? They have been working on something in the lab, some sort of machine. They never let me in far enough into the labs to get a good look but I heard it… It powered on like a weapon." Squall said, hesitating slightly and bracing himself.

"What do you mean 'powered on like a weapon'?" And Zack doesn't fail him, latching onto the one part of the statement that seemed out of place and difficult for Squall to explain.

"You know I come from a very different place. And have done some very different things. I know what a device that can level a city sounds like when it turns on. And that is what it sounded like."

"Destroy cities?" Cloud sounded part horrified and part curious.

"Worlds, whatever. Large and whiny in either case, but may suit our purpose."

Tifa stared at him in horror. "You want to destroy Radiant Garden?"

"No, I want to have that as a last resort. But it would be nice to threaten those… things with something."

"You saw them, you can't threaten something like that." Cloud said slowly, gesturing out the partially covered window towards the burning town.

"You can threaten anything," Squall muttered, turning around and heading back to the door.

"Where are you going?" Zack protested, stepping in front of the door.

"Where are your shoes?" Squall questioned back, looking down at Zack's feet.

"I… I just kind of-"

"I am the person here with the most real combat experience."

"Says the guys screaming ten minutes ago," Zack muttered.

"They surprised me. And they are probably the most terrifying thing I have encountered since I arrived here, and they rank in my top three for things I have seen in my life that scare me. Doesn't stop the fact that someone has to go find the adults and someone has to go try to rescue as many people as possible. I know the way to the lab. I am going there. And you all will just slow me down."

Cid turned from the ship, eyes leveled on him. He and Squall were both capable of seeing the destruction outside. Both mature enough to realize already that life in Radiant Garden was over. It was time to run.

"We'll be ready to leave in three hours. You be here, or we leave you." Cid said calmly. Squall held his gaze for a moment longer before saluting with a small smile.

"Yes sir. And if I don't-"

"You'll be back," Cloud said with conviction.

"We'll leave. And I'll take care of them. Someone's gotta be the adult." Cid answered, ignoring Cloud's interruption.

"Thanks," Squall said before turning to Zack.

"Try to find as many people as you can and get them out. Make a dent."

"But-"

"Get everyone out of here if you can. If I do end up blowing the place, I would like to do so with as few innocent lives on my soul as possible," Squall checked his weapons before heading back towards the door, Zack and Cloud trailing after him.

"Are you ready?" Zack asked Cloud, slight smile trying to cover up his fear.

"No, but it doesn't really matter does it?"

"Three hours," Cid yelled as Squall pulled open the door and stepped outside.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

There were no monsters in the immediate vicinity.

That was the first of two surprises the next minute or so held in store for Squall Leonhart. He really expected them to be swarming the village by now.

The second surprise came a moment later, when he stopped looking suspiciously confused at the surroundings. He turned to give Zack and Cloud orders when he felt warm hands clasp the back of his neck and pull him forward against Cloud.

Cloud pressed their lips together quickly before pulling just as quickly away, blushing furiously.

"Uh…." So Squall wasn't used to being surprised kissed. Regardless of how many times it happened to him. Really wasn't used to it.

"WATCH OUT!" Zack pulled him out of the way as he swung his massive sword down on a stray shadow that had been creeping towards Squall's shoes.

"Sorry," Cloud muttered.

"Sorry? What did you do that for?" Squall's voice was a bit higher than usual. He wasn't used to being surprised kissed.

"I just thought… if I never see you again… you know. Good bye and… stuff," Cloud muttered, blush deepening. Squall gawked at him.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. Do your damn job," Squall huffed, turning on his heel and stomping off.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

The castle was totally dark. Squall hesitated outside for a moment and wondered idly if maybe he should go back for someone as back up. He dismissed the idea as soon as he had it. Zack and Cloud were already gone, and even if they weren't, he couldn't count on them to move quietly. Especially Zack.

So he was alone, in front of a massive dark castle, about to go into it alone, without backup and did he mention alone? He cursed under his breath, stripping off his shirt and replacing his jacket. He shredded the shirt, tying a loop around his gunblade hilt, attaching it to his wrist. Last thing he wanted was to lose it in the dark. He then tied a strap to the flashlight he'd snatched from Cid, tying it to the waist of his pants.

The door was just as intimidating as it was before this preparation.

"Fantastic…" he whispered before easing the door open, clicking the flashlight on. The faint light made it possible to distinguish shapes, like the overturned table and the now fallen chandelier. He stepped inside, easing the door shut behind him. He slipped along the wall, heading towards the lab entrance. He was vaguely reminded of the forests back home. Dark, silent except for the disturbing noises that heralded your death and you never heard the monster behind you until it was literally about to bite your arm off. This was a dark train of thought. Maybe he should avoid those when in a dark place.

There was a boom from beneath him and the floor rippled. Squall planted his feet and waited out the tremor, hoping the roof wouldn't collapse on him or that the floor wouldn't fall out from under him. Squall would have to consider his new found pessimism later. He had always thought of himself as a realist before.

He reached the door and shined the flashlight down on it. It had been ripped off its hinges, twisted out of the frame. And it had been pushed out. Squall swore loudly in his head. There was a monster loose in the castle, strong enough to rip reinforced doors off their hinges. And it had originated in the basement. Today was not his day.

He pressed his back against the wall, watching the room as best he could in the low light. And he started to adjust his junctions for the situation. Alert was the first thing he junctioned, feeling his GFs start to rearrange for defense, Cerberus pushing forward, his three voices overlapping in murmured advice. No back attacks. He then junctioned encounter reducers, uncertain if they would work but it wasn't like they could hurt at all.

His GFs grew impatient as he waited another moment after everything settled. Squall grit his teeth and then moved quickly through the doorway, dashing off in the direction he knew the labs were. There was one tenuous moment where he slipped on something he didn't stop to ponder, but other than that, the only monsters he encountered were figments of his over active imagination.

The lights were flickering in the labs. The setup for the security system was sparking, a huge spike shoved through the center of it. The labs were empty, but the grind of the machines was still loud, a clanging unnerving sound.

"Xehanort," he called, hating the fear that shook his voice. "You here?"

Cerberus roared in his head and he spun around just in time to raise his arms to protect his face. The ice covered his arms, causing his shoulder to cramp in agony before it shattered, pieces flying off to cut his face. He slowly lowered his arms, eyes finding his attacker.

Xehanort.

Relief flooded him for a moment before he caught sight of what was clutched in Xehanort's hand, something large and black with sharp edges, shaped kind of like a… key. His body worked faster than his brain, stepping back. Xehanort had attacked him. Squall turned his gaze to Xehanort's face, where a disturbing, detached smile rested.

It was hard to breathe, and for a moment he was somewhere else, watching from a crowd as something went past him, something that made him feel like this, like he was being ripped apart. A new emotion began to settle in his bones, one that burned hot, took away what remained of the air and left him empty. Fury.

Betrayal. This is what betrayal felt like. He remembered this emotion well enough.

He didn't have a chance to raise his gunblade to attack when Xehanort rammed into him, sending him flying back across the lab to hit one of the windows. The reinforcement prevented it from shattering completely, which dimly Squall was grateful for as he slid to the ground inside the control room.

He tried to get to his feet but before he managed there was a bright light, almost blinding and a noise that could only be described as agonizingly painful. He couldn't hear the explosions, but he felt them, felt the world tremble beneath him.

And then something landed on him, and darkness fell.

He wasn't sure how long he was out, but when he opened his eyes the emergency lighting was on, turning the room a dull orange and there was something burning close by. And he was not alone.

He struggled to lift his head.

There were two Xehanort's. No. Three, but that was a reflection so maybe there were only two, or maybe only one. Squall shook his head, trying to clear it, trying to focus.

No. Definitely two. They were talking to each other. And they were looking at him.

"Such a pity," said the one on the left. "He would be a fascinating test subject if he wasn't dying."

Squall did a mental inventory check. He didn't feel like he was dying. Injured, possibly dying if given time, but not dying right now. He knew what dying felt like, had felt it on the Deling street as the ice melted under him and inside of him. This is not what death felt like.

"Agreed," said the one on the right. "Though not pertinent to my goals."

"Though pertinent to mine. Which means we find ourselves at a parting of the ways, you and I," the one on the left said, the one that looked older, less like Xehanort, more like someone else.

"So it seems. Shall we come to an agreement, since both of our plans may take years to come to fruition," the other said, looking more like Xehanort.

"You don't interfere with my plans…" Lefty said.

"And you don't interfere with mine," finished Righty. Squall felt his head get heavier, but he fought to stay awake. This was important somehow, even if he didn't know why.

"Agree?"

"Agreed." The two of them shook hands and Squall felt vaguely like two magnets had been placed with similar poles close to one another, a vague sense of being repelled by the universe. Two things touching that were never meant to touch like this.

The two reflections let go of one another. Each turning away and walking towards a pool of darkness.

The reflection in the mirror stayed though. Squall looked at it, and it looked back before the cracks in the mirror became too much for it to bear and it collapsed in on itself.

Squall was alone now.

He tried futilely to move the weight off of him. The fire was creeping closer and he was having difficulty staying awake. His legs felt warm and wet, and what didn't smell of fire smelled of iron, which meant he was bleeding, heavily.

Dying, no, but would be if he didn't get out of here soon.

Panic fluttered through him for a moment before he reigned it in. He had to think, had to figure out how to change the leverage, how to get free.

The answer didn't come from him, but rather from inside him. And it was so obvious he felt stupid for missing it.

He closed his eyes, focused, and summoned Griever.

Griever was a trump card of his, a GF that he had taken from Ultimecia at the end of space and time. Few people knew of its existence, and given that he was alone here, he was probably the only one. Griever was unique, capable of being outside of Squall, capable of blending in, and looked terrifyingly like the man Squall used to be.

Griever's eyes were red though, unnervingly still in the firelight. He wore the clothes that no longer fit Squall, the belts, the fur and the gloves.

"Got us in a mess then?" Griever's voice was a growl as he knelt down to pick up whatever kept Squall pinned, throwing it across the room. "We best leave before the monsters come back."

Squall remembers nodding in agreement, remembers feeling dizzy as he became aware of his legs again, and the next thing he knew, he was outside, Griever setting him down on the ground outside the palace doors.

"Can you bring me back?" he dimly heard Greiver ask before he tilted sideways and threw up. "Guess not."

Griever looked up, obviously hearing something over the fire raging throughout the town.

"I have to go. We'll meet again," Griever patted him on the head, wings sprouting from his back before he leapt into the air, out of sight into the dark sky. Squall watched him leave, dimly aware of someone else approaching.

"Squall?" and Zack was there, in his face, pulling him up to his feet. "Squall we have to leave." He felt someone take a hold of him from the other side, probably Cloud, but he didn't care enough to look.

He flittered on the edge of consciousness, only coming back when he felt something soft under his back and warmth travelling up his legs. He opened his eyes to see Aerith hovering over him.

"What?" He muttered, pushing himself up. He was on Cid's ship, on one of the bunks. "We left yet?"

Aerith shook her head, looking scared. "There is something hanging onto the ship… We… we can't take off."

Squall climbed out of bed, gently pushing away Aerith's hands as she tried to guide him back down. "The ship needs to take off," he muttered, stumbling over to the door, grabbing his gunblade from where it rested against the wall.

"I got him Aerith," Zack stepped next to him, steadying him with a hand on his arm. "I don't suppose I can talk you out of your suicide run?" he asked quietly as they made their way towards the hatch.

"No."

"Well," they stopped outside the hatch. "For luck then," Zack said with a cocky smile, and Squall's reflexes were too dulled to dodge the mocking kiss to his cheek.

And then he was hit on the head.

Squall crumpled to the ground, head pounding, and watched, unable to move, as Zack walked over to the hatch and opened it.

"You don't always have to be the hero," he said with a smile over his shoulder at Squall before it faded. "Sorry."

And then Zack was gone out into the night.

* * *

><p><span>AN: In case you missed it, the two people in the basement are Xemnas and KH1 Ansem. This actually is relevant, so we wanted to make sure everyone got that.<span>


	11. Chapt 2e Fated Circle

AN: This is mostly KH1 and KH2 from Squall's POV. Also, our update day is probably going to change to include Tuesday, since while we aim for the weekend, it keeps getting pushed back to Tuesday for some reason.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2.5: Prelude to a Storm – Fated Circle<strong>

Cloud Strife stood in the middle of his room, checking it over. A single bag rested in the center of the bed, packed to the brim.

Tonight was the night, no going back. Time to leave Traverse Town, land of near perpetual darkness and its depressed populace. Time to act, rather than wait.

They had escaped to Traverse Town nearly five years ago, and things had been going downhill ever since.

Cloud was the one who found Squall in a heap in the back of the ship, bleeding and slurring and half hysterical. Squall was heavily concussed, repeatedly and it showed. And Zack was gone.

They made it to Traverse Town three days later. Squall spent most of the journey clutching at his head and throwing up, in between panicked sobs and horrible silences. Tifa tried to help Squall recover, bring him out into the common areas to eat and each time she tried she would return defeated. Aerith only managed to heal Squall before she too retreated. The only one of their party that seemed to have any luck was Yuffie, who was too young to understand what was wrong, and spent most of her time with Squall petting his jacket and babbling about her toys.

Squall never threw her out, something which continued almost five years later. Even when she irritated him to madness, Yuffie was always asked to leave, but never glared out of his house.

When they arrived in Traverse Town, Squall claimed a room in their house that was as far as possible from the others and didn't leave it for nearly a week. And then he started to leave the house and wander the city, the worst parts of it. He took to the alleys and to the taverns and to the worst districts. He would come back bruised or drunk and always silent.

Squall moved out of the house after a trip back to Radiant Garden.

The trip back was a mess. Radiant Garden was a disaster, all that remained was the Hollow Bastion, surrounded by waterfalls. Their homes were gone, everything familiar. And it was crawling with Heartless. Squall had stepped off the ship and walked through the beasts, cutting them down as he made his way to the castle. It was terrifying, and all they found were dead bodies.

Squall's face was blank and for once Cloud desperately wanted to ask where Squall had come from. It was a question that Squall had expertly dodged, vague answers that managed to sound very clear. But he'd seen death like this before and it didn't affect him.

Squall was living in the Second District by the end of the week, in a house that looked half a step up from what remained of their home. Squall stopped caring about anything except wandering the district. About once a year Aerith managed to cut his hair, and he would shave about once every two weeks and even then it was sloppy.

Yuffie still wandered by and he still let her stay and it hurt a bit. Cloud tried to ignore the rejection, but after a while he relegated his feelings to heartbreak. Squall was dying, even if he kept living. The guilt was starting to eat him whole.

Sometimes though, sometimes Squall would let him in. And Squall would talk about absolutely nothing, not about his trips through the districts fighting the Heartless that would pop up on occasion, not about how the lack of light was slowly driving them all insane, nothing.

Sometimes, Squall left his doors unlocked, in a blatant challenge to the brutal town they were now living in. No one ever took him up on the challenge, though sometimes Cloud would slip into his house. Cloud only did that three times, because the third time he walked in on Squall having some sort of fit.

Squall maintained his almost obsessive need to cover or avoid every mirror he came across. Except for one, a mirror in his guest bathroom. And that is where Cloud found Squall, standing in front of that mirror, muttering to himself intensely. Cloud couldn't see his face from the door but he knew that this wasn't normal or healthy. Squall twisted almost violently away from his reflection and stomped out of the guest bath, closing the door behind him.

Squall stopped short when he saw Cloud, eyes flicking wildly over to the door for a moment. And then he pretended as if Cloud hadn't just walked in on Squall losing his mind.

It broke Cloud's heart, and he couldn't stay here and watch Squall fall apart for any longer.

Cloud Strife stood in the middle of his room, checking it over. A single bag rested in the center of the bed, packed to the brim.

Tonight was the night.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Squall had the distinct impression something was off when he decided to join the team dinner.

He had to admit, he didn't look his personal best. From what he glimpsed in the window reflection, he was unshaven and his hair was long and a bit ragged looking. He was showering, before anyone got concerned, but he didn't look like a civilized person. He looked like a person who frequented back alley bars. Which he did.

He sat down at his usual spot at the table before noticing that that something was different. There were two fewer seats at the table. He waited until everyone was seated before asking.

"Where are Cloud and Tifa?"

The silence that followed was uncomfortable.

"They've been gone for two months, Squall." Aerith said after a long pause. "We thought you knew."

Squall left dinner early.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

The first thing he did when he got home was grab a pair of scissors and march into the guest bathroom, ripping the sheet off of the mirror. He flinched away, as always, from his strange eyes and features before grabbing his hair and starting to cut.

He didn't stop until it was better, until he looked like he used to, back home. He shaved next, because he needed to clean up, become a person again, even if he now never felt like a person to begin with.

He went into his closet next, throwing out clothing that was wrong for him before redressing, becoming the Lionheart again, leather and belts and fur and hostility worn like armor.

He slid his ring on last. It fit him now, and then he was himself again, as close as he could be after all of his failures.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

The next four years passed in a blur. Once he became a person again, he decided to become a whole new person. He was Leon now. If he was Squall, he would only ever want to go home.

The Heartless started to increase in frequency. Leon tried to defeat as many as he could, but he felt like he was fighting a war he couldn't win.

It didn't help that the Heartless still freaked him out. And they still would sometimes act weird around him. Like the one back on Radiant Garden. Every once and a while, a lone Heartless would look at him, coo at him, and try to lick him. Some of them would try to follow him home. He found one in his shower one morning, which was upsetting to say the least.

All it had done was stare at him from underneath the spray before sinking into the drain. Leon took showers in the guest bath for the next month.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

It took nine years after their escape from Hollow Bastion for rumors of a Keyblade bearer to start to spread through Traverse Town.

Leon never viewed himself as an optimist, he was always more realistic when it came down to things.

But a Keyblade? He continued making his way towards Cid's shop, after hearing that some "guy with spiky hair" was in town with a Keyblade. Back in Hollow Bastion, people always said that Cloud had Keyblade potential. How long had been since Cloud had left now? Five years? Cloud could still come back home.

It all came crashing down when he rounded the corner and caught sight of the kid, clutching what looked like an oversized key in his hands.

Cid had to be pulling a prank on him. There was no fucking way.

_You have got to be shitting me._

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

The kid left almost as quickly as he arrived in Traverse Town, taking with him two talking animal companions that he had somehow made friends a whole five minutes after meeting.

Leon wasn't sure who was more surprised when the kid actually came back two weeks later, himself or Cid. The two of them had been placing bets on how long it would take for the kid to show up again, and what state he would be in when he did, something that Aerith did not approve of when she found out. However, considering that Cid bet 500 munny that the kid would be missing one or more limbs when and if he did return while Leon on the other hand had just predicted permanent emotional trauma, Cid was definitely more irritated upon seeing that Sora had returned with all of his appendages intact. Leon smirked as Cid passed him five of the dice like cubes. And then the kid opened his mouth.

"Hi guys! Did you miss me?"

Cid glanced over at the kid before turning to Squall. "That doesn't look emotionally traumatized to me."

Leon grumbled before grudgingly handing the munny back.

The kid continued on, walking forward while the duck and the dog lingered slightly behind. Leon eyed them a bit uneasily as he tuned Sora out, only catching the last part of his babbling. "You should come to the Coliseum, Leon! They're taking sign-ups for the next tournament."

Leon in response just made a non-committal noise and brought his hand up to his face. "…"

"We were just there! There's this really cool guy named Cloud and-"

"… That's nice, Sora, I'm heading to the waterway so– Did you just say _Cloud?_"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Things were finally starting to go Cloud's way again. The kid with the Keyblade had left, leaving him in peace at the Coliseum. And even though there was no sign of Sephiroth here, Cloud was perfectly fine with waiting, especially since Tall, Dark and Handsome had just arrived, probably to sign up for the next tournament.

Cloud usually didn't bother to meet, or even acknowledge the travelers that occasionally came through the Coliseum but Tall, Dark and Handsome was too good of an opportunity to let pass. So, after taking a moment to collect himself, he started to walk towards where Tall, Dark and Handsome was looking at one of the leader boards, his back to Cloud.

And then the man turned, looking towards the two huge statues that guarded the entrance to the arena.

_Oh Holy Kingdom Hearts, how the fuck did he find me?_

Cloud immediately veered off course, heading quickly towards the gate that lead to Thebes.

"… Cloud?"

He winced and pulled his red scarf up to cover his face. "Never heard of him."

"_Cloud?_" Squall repeated, a definitely irritated edge to his voice. "First of all, your most distinguishing feature is your hair, not your face, and secondly, most people would assume when someone says 'Cloud' that they're referring to a mass of condensed water vapor, not someone's name."

"… _shit_."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Leon thought that he would never see this place again. Hollow Bastion. It looked even worse than the last time he had seen it, which was saying something considering the last time he had been here, the castle was still partially in flames.

They met Sora as he reemerged from the dark depths that led to the heart of this world. Their meeting was bittersweet. The worlds would be restored again, and with them, the invisible barriers that separated the stars in the night sky. After seeing Sora's heartbroken expression as Yuffie and the others explained the situation to him, Leon felt that he needed to say something.

"We may never meet again, but we'll never forget each other."

And it was only afterwards that he realized how utterly ridiculous that sounded. He groaned and brought his hand up to his face in embarrassment, letting Aerith continue the conversation on with something equally sappy. He recovered long enough to wish Sora good luck before the kid just smiled and then left, off to save the worlds.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

A year later, and with their world now partially restored, Squall Leonhart somehow found himself the would-be king of Hollow Bastion. He wasn't sure how that happened, but all he knew was that there was a lot more paperwork all of the sudden. He had a sneaking suspicion that he was made an honorary king though just so everyone else wouldn't have to be king and actually do paper work. He blamed Aerith, she was always sneaky like that. He also wasn't quite sure exactly how they came to be here in Hollow Bastion, because the last time he checked, it was so overrun with Heartless that it would have taken a Keyblade bearer to clear it out. And considering no one in town was raising statues again to the might of the Keyblade, it was probably just his gappy memory showing and he had forgotten all the fine details. He was sure that someone would tell him if it was really that important.

They were in the middle of rebuilding the town, which was incredibly stressful and also slightly hindered by the new white things covered in zippers that occasionally appeared and… danced at them. Also, the security system seemed to freak out on random occasions and blast innocent fruit vendors and their stalls into the air. To further complicate things, Cloud had recently reappeared in town and looked so pitiful that it just seemed mean not to house him. This was a major problem in that only about five houses had survived the fall of Hollow Bastion, and Leon damn well wanted one of them. He was the honorary-king after all, he deserved a proper house. And that was how he currently found himself doing paperwork while Cloud lamented on the bed about One Winged Drama King from the Coliseum. Again.

"And I just don't get him! Who brings a Gregorian choir with them to sing while they fight a title match? Especially since he's supposed to represent my inner…"

_Oh Unholy Hyne, is he just going to talk forever? I remember you being a quiet kind of guy._

"And I just don't understand how you're supposed to beat him, since he keeps cheating, I mean, how do you beat- _Wait_."

Cloud sat bolt upright on the bed, eyes wide, almost as if he had remembered something important.

"… What?" Leon asked when Cloud did not elaborate, taking a break from his paperwork to turn in his seat to look at Cloud.

"… Sora."

"... Bless you?" Leon answered, confused, before he was suddenly overcome by his first moving Sora flashback. "… H- Wh- I don't… What just happened?"

Cloud meanwhile looked like his world had just been rocked. "Did you just also… you know… suddenly remember that he… existed?"

"… Yes. But why did he just fling himself back into my memory like a demented… zipper dancer?"

A few days, sure enough, Sora appeared, with shiny new clothes and a growth spurt.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

The second time Sora showed up, Leon showed him the lab. He was mistaken when he thought Sora, the duck, and the dog could stay out of trouble for more than a few minutes. It appeared that in the whole two minutes that he had let them access the basement computer, they had managed to really screw it up. Leon wasn't even aware that it was possible to piss off a computer, but somehow Sora had managed that. This was especially impressive considering that Sora usually made friends with literally everything he encountered ever.

The computer was pissed off.

And the laser's purpose was now revealed.

_Oh. Unholy. Hyne. I've killed the Keyblade Bearer. _

When Sora finally finished disintegrating, Leon ran to the user terminal, hoping that there was an undo command. When CTRL-Z failed him, he started to contemplate how best to explain to Aerith that the Keyblade Bearer had been vaporized by Dilan's creepy computer.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

After rematerializing Sora, another problem popped up. Heartless. Everywhere. And that was how he and Cloud found themselves back to back in the canyon. He really thought they were having a moment. And then:

"What, you're fighting too?"

An awkward silence fell between the two of them as they were surrounded by swarms of countless Heartless. Leon wasn't quite sure if that was supposed to be Cloud's witty comeback to his earlier statement, or a legitimate question.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

After Sora had saved the known worlds again, Cloud came staggering back after his Showdown with One Winged Drama King.

He seemed vaguely disoriented, and they all thought it was just a post battle concussion. And then it never went away. Apparently One Winged Drama King was a manifestation of Cloud's inner darkness (whatever that meant). This fight had taken its toll and Cloud had lost a few IQ points in the process. Occasionally, there were moments of brilliance, but in between those times, there were a lot of repeated questions. From what Leon could gather, Cloud and Sephiroth shared one being. All his characteristics were divided between them and most unfortunately, "high intelligence" wasn't included in Cloud's portion after his last fight with One Winged Drama King. He just hoped Cloud solved this whole "Darkness" problem soon. Otherwise Leon was probably going to kill him.

Things settled down, and they managed to get the total of habitable houses in Radiant Garden up to seven. Kingship was getting more and more boring, less beheading and more signing tax form 42b.

And then one day Leon took a shower. And everything changed.

"… Uhhhhh."

Leon had been enjoying a nice warm shower by himself and now he found himself suddenly not in his shower. He was also fairly sure that this was not anywhere in Radiant Garden.

The creepy old man with a long beard glared at him from behind his desk as if it was somehow Leon's fault that he had just been suddenly kidnapped from the safety of his own shower.

"… Can I help you?" Leon asked, not even bothering to cover himself. He grew up in a dorm, he was used to this. Not exactly this, but being stared at while naked wasn't exactly a new experience.

The old man waved a hand and a towel appeared from nowhere, promptly landing on Leon's head. Leon took the hint and wrapped it around his waist.

"… Now can I help you? I'm pretty sure you didn't… kidnap me from my shower just to give me a towel?"

The old man looked even more unhappy than he did before.

"So you are Squall. Now then, have you seen the King yet?"

"… Actually, I go by Leon, but no? What does he want?"

"Yes...the King has been quite busy of late. Therefore, it would seem that the task of instructing you falls upon my shoulders. You have a perilous journey ahead of you. You must be well prepared."

"Oh." So this was one of _those_ summonings. "That's nice. You couldn't wait until I wasn't showering?'

"It is a matter of grave importance," the old man continued, ignoring Leon's comment. "The Keyblade bearers are needed."

Leon shook his wet bangs out of his face before just staring. "… What? Why am I here then?"

"They are beyond my reach," the old man droned, gesturing vaguely at the window that was for some reason shaped like a crescent moon. "Our previous attempts to contact them have failed."

"And this my problem why?"

The old man's glare somehow deepened. "You were a hero once."

For the first time, Leon was grateful that he actually was elected honorary-king. "Uh, sorry, I'm king. I can't just go off and find Sora when you lose him."

"You must leave as soon as possible."

"You're not listening to me, are you?"

"You will need a companion."

Leon just stared. "... Why me?"

"You will travel to the ends of the known worlds and into the unknown. However, everything in your journey, Squall, is connected. Whether you will find your way to your destiny... Whether or not you or your companion will survive... And, whether or not Sora and Riku will even still be there. And the key that connects them all is you, Squall," creepy old man warbled, with an almost rehearsed, deadpan quality to his words. Almost as if he had given this speech to someone else before.

Facepalm.

"So, before you go, you will need more suitable traveling clothes. The towel is not proper."

"I was in the shower! What was I-"

And then Leon heard women's voices. _Oh shit. Grandmothers._

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Leon was returned to his still running shower, fully dressed in a whole new outfit that had alternated between three different colors (one of which was _pink_) for twenty minutes before finally settling on something Sora would wear. He wasn't sure if it was his collapse in the bathtub or his swearing that summoned Cloud. Cloud, apparently in his dingy cycle, came into the bathroom and sat down on the counter.

"Where did you get the yellow belts?"


	12. Chapt 3a Which Way is North?

**Chapter 3.1: A Small Hick Island – Which Way is North?**

"Why do you have a giant portrait of Xehanort on your wall?"

"He was my friend."

"He destroyed our world. He tried to kill us. And when he didn't succeed, his _Heartless_ and _Nobody_ tried to kill us."

"Yeah, but he was my friend and it wasn't really his fault. We all know why he went insane, it was Ansem and the purple cravat. It's a nice reminder of why you shouldn't pick on nerds."

Aerith, Yuffie, Tifa, and Cid were standing on the other side of Leon's desk, looking up at the giant portrait of Xehanort placed behind him. It wasn't the same portrait that had been hanging in Ansem's old office for all these years, it was some sort of rough draft, one where Xehanort looked either deranged, pissed, or just flat out confused. Leon wasn't sure which, but it was too large to store anywhere else practically and it was a step up from what the interior decorators had hung on his wall before. Leon was no artist, but he was absolutely positive that what had been on his wall before was terrifying and in no way counted as art. The portrait from the lesser of two evils by a long shot and was a temporary fix until he found something less disturbing to decorate his office. Also, Xehanort was his first friend here, even factoring in the man's sociopathic tendencies. What's a little attempted murder between friends?

"That's great, but why are we here? And why are you all… wet?" Cid asked from the corner.

Leon face palmed and sighed, adjusting the towel around his neck. "… Because Cid, I was told I had to leave on this journey immediately and I didn't have time to blow dry my hair. You should be glad I bothered to change out of my wet clothes before I called you here. You might have scarred for life by what the fairies dressed me in."

"What kind of journey?" Yuffie asked, still staring at Xehanort, while he stared back at her.

"I don't know. I just need to find Sora and Ricky."

"… Do you mean Riku?" Tifa corrected.

"Whatever. Ricky, Riku, I just need to find the two of them. And I need someone to go with me."

"I'll go!"

Leon stared as Yuffie excitedly jumped up and down, raising her hand in the air.

_No. I'll murder her within two days._

"Yuffie, someone needs to stay here and supervise the town restoration. And you're the only one I can really trust with that. We're really behind schedule, and people might start rioting if we don't build more houses."

Yuffie looked disappointed, and there was a moment where Leon actually felt guilty. But not nearly guilty enough to subject himself to a long journey trapped in a small vessel with _Yuffie_.

He turned towards his obvious choice for this entire adventure. "Cid-"

"_No_."

"You didn't even-"

"Not going. No way, no how. I'm not going questing. That's something for young people."

"Come on, Cid you're not that old!"

"_No_."

Leon sighed, looking at his other two choices, now that his first choice had denied him. Tifa could work, except for she would end up in charge and the creepy old guy had specifically kidnapped him and given him a mission. He was the key that connected all of them after all. If Tifa was the key, he would have stolen her from her shower. Aerith, he could stand Aerith for a long journey but someone needed to make sure the town didn't burst into flames again while he was gone.

And then he had an idea, a very stupid idea, but an idea nonetheless.

"Where's Cloud?"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Cloud was in the gardens, sitting next to a drained fountain. He may possibly have been writing in some sort of journal.

Cloud looked up when Leon approached, setting his pen down next to him. "Hi."

_Hi? Oh great, it's one of Cloud's "off" days, isn't it?_ Leon winced a bit and braced himself for this conversation.

"Cloud, you want to go on an adventure?"

Cloud shook his head, frowning while he opened to a new page in his notebook. "I have to wait for Sephiroth."

"One Winged Drama King isn't here. So you should come with me. He'll show up eventually, this way you can get stronger. Or whatever. Just come with me. Otherwise I have to take _Yuffie_."

"Wait… You want_ me_ to come with _you_?"

Leon had the distinct feeling that there was maybe something he was missing in this conversation as Cloud closed his notebook and stared up at him.

"… Yes. Now let's get going."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"… So, we're all packed now. But how are supposed to get there? You and I both know that Cid will never lend us his gummi shhhiiii-t."

It took them an hour to pack up their belongings, and after getting all ready to go, Cloud pointed out the obvious flaw in their plans. However, before Cloud was even able to finish, that problem was solved for them.

Midsentence, the two of them found themselves suddenly not where they had been only moments ago. Leon instantly recognized the ridiculous crescent moon shaped windows. "Ah, crap." He turned, and sure enough, the creepy old man was glaring at them from behind his desk.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

After an awfully familiar speech and a gifting session for their quest to retrieve the Keyblade bearers, Leon and Cloud boarded their new ship, one that Leon promptly christened the Ragnarok.

"So where do we start?" Cloud asked as he examined the star map they had been given by the creepy old man.

"I don't know, Sora always said something about 'Destiny Island'. And Yen Sid said something about it being outside his realm of influence, so I guess we should start by looking at the far corners of that map?"

Cloud shrugged and set the chart down, pulling out the drawing they had been given. "Who else are we looking for?"

"Riku. I've never met him, but he's Sora's best friend."

"… I think Riku might be a girl."

"What?"

"This drawing Yen Sid gave us. The one Naminé made? Look, that one is Sora, and that one is the girl who drew this. So the one in the skirt is Riku."

"… Let me see that." Leon leaned over as Cloud held the drawing up for inspection. Sure enough, there were two skirts present in that picture, and neither of them belonged to Sora. Leon stared at the third silver haired figure in the drawing that appeared to be wearing some sort of… black, red, and blue bodysuit with a white skirt. "Maybe he just likes skirts, even if they are hideous."

"Well, Riku sounds like a _girl's_ name."

"But I'm pretty sure that Sora called Riku a he at some point! 'I need to find him'."

"He talks about Riku like she's his girlfriend though. When was the last time you said anything like that about me?" Cloud asked, sounding mildly depressed for some reason.

"… Valid. Well, how about we call that direction North, and we head that way?"

Cloud shook his head and pointed at an empty corner of the map. "I think we should go there."

"… There's nothing there."

"I know, but Sora always said he was from the middle of nowhere."

"… I don't think he meant that he was from empty space, Cloud. And what makes you the expert on navigation?"

Cloud looked mildly affronted for a moment before replying. "Well, you heard Yen Sid. 'Everything in your journey, Cloud, is connected. Whether you will find your way to your destiny... Whether or not you or your companion will survive... And, whether or not Sora and Riku will even still be there. And the key that connects them all is you, Cloud'."

"…" Leon didn't know how to respond to that, without bursting Cloud's bubble and informing him that the creepy old man had given him the exact same speech after he had been kidnapped from his shower. So he decided to respond in the only way he knew how. By face palming.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Two weeks of flying through empty space with Cloud was not Leon's idea of a great time. There were only so many topics of conversation two people could have, and by the time they reached their destination, they had exhausted all of them.

"This is… bigger than I imagined."

From the name, and everything they had heard about this "Destiny Island," he had imagined that it would be a small hick island in the middle of nowhere. However, looking down on it from orbit, this world looked more like a planet, and the only island in sight was more of a ... well…

"I think I see the island," Cloud chimed in from his side, pointing towards the gigantic landmass surrounded by ocean.

"Cloud, that is a continent, most definitely not an island."

"I wasn't the one who named it, you should tell Sora."

"I don't think Sora named it either, Cloud. But where do we even start looking?"

"How about over there?" Cloud pointed out the front window at what appeared to be a huge city on the eastern edge of the continent.

"… Yes, the shining metropolis is a great place to start! It's not like there are millions of people there, and we all know how much Sora looks like a proper city boy."

"I'll land over there."

"…" Sarcasm was apparently lost on Cloud.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"Look, it's even bigger up close than I thought it would be. Well, where do we start looking, genius?"

The only city that Leon had ever been to that was even comparable to this was Esthar's capital city. Millions of people, hundreds of colors, and enough noise to deafen casual conversation. He hoped to Hyne that there was some sort of population index around here. "Sora" wasn't that much to go on, thanks a lot Yen Sid.

"How do we even know for sure we're on Destiny Island?"

Cloud had a valid point. So Leon grabbed a passerby by their collar.

"You."

"… May I help you?"

"Where are we?"

"… 312th Street and Iridium?"

"And?"

The stranger stared at Leon like he was deranged. "… You want me to expand outward?"

"The complete coordinates of where we are. And what's the date?"

"… Okay? Um, Archades, the capital of the Archadian Empire on the continent of Ivalice? And it's June 1st?"

"Is this Destiny Island?" Cloud asked politely from beside him. Leon rolled his eyes. Didn't Cloud know how to properly interrogate someone?

"... Yeah, if you meant to say 'Islands'? And where else would you be? Gran Pulse?"

Leon released his captive, focusing on the important part of that comment. Destiny Islands. Destiny _Islands. _As in plural.

"_Fuck._"

Leon was starting to hyperventilate in despair when Cloud interrupted his emotional meltdown by tapping him urgently on the shoulder.

" … I think I see Riku."

"Don't be ridiculous, what are the chances of finding her within two min-"

And then Leon saw her. _Holy shit. Cloud _is_ a good luck charm._ He pulled out the crappy drawing, and looked back and forth between the girl walking away and the girl on paper.

"Unholy Hyne. Cloud, go."

"Go what?"

"Fetch."

"I'm not a dog, you go fetch."

"Oh fine."

Leon started to pursue the girl through the crowd, Cloud following after him. She was even wearing a hideous white sweatshirt tied around her hips, so maybe Naminé just really sucked at drawing and that was what the skirt was supposed to be.

"She looks a bit old for Sora," Cloud commented as they drew closer.

"Excuse me, Rik- I mean Ma'am," Leon reached out to tap the woman on the shoulder. She turned and sure enough, she was definitely too old for Sora. Hell, she was probably older than he was.

"… Did you just call me Riku?"

"Yes, nice to meet you, Riku," Cloud replied, offering out his hand. Riku stared at him.

"I'm sorry, but did you just get me confused with my little brother?"

"… Excuse me for a moment." Leon turned and dragged Cloud away to the privacy that a few steps offered. "I told you Riku was a boy!"

"But it sounds like a girl's name! And don't forget that you agreed with me!" Cloud protested, grabbing the drawing from Leon. "And look! That is a skirt!"

"To be fair, it wouldn't surprise me in slightest if my brother is in a skirt." Girl-Not-Riku scoffed and took the drawing for herself. "Maybe it has something to do with that strip club. The R.O.D. or whatever. And Mom always said _I_ was the problem child."

"… What?" Leon was a bit too stunned to process this. One of the saviors of the known worlds was stripping? Not that there was anything wrong with stripping, but really? Someone should have told him this earlier. He would have not picked dingy Cloud for this adventure if he knew it would end in a strip club.

"Yeah, the Realm of Darkness or whatever. _Everyone_ has heard of it, but no one I know has ever been there. It sounds kind of shady."

Cloud frowned, crossing his arms. "Actually," he started, sounding slightly offended that someone confused part of his world's culture with a strip joint, "the Realm of Darkness is the parallel dimension that runs next to-"

Leon slapped his hand over Cloud's mouth. "He's high on … painkillers." Okay, that sounded weak, but it was better than letting Cloud continue and ruin their chance of finding the Keyblade bearers.

"Right. Anyway, you looking for my brother? You're not gonna… kidnap him are you?"

"No. We're here to…" Leon was almost stumped for a second. And then, the lie came to him. "Boarding school. I work for a special interest group that wants to foster gifted young minds. Your brother is apparently quite talented, when he isn't stripping. And maybe he's good at that too, but really, they're more interested in his mind."

"Well, you're on the wrong island. Like completely. I mean this is _Ivalice_. I ran as far away as I could from home without ending up on North Island." Girl-Not-Riku pointed out with an expression that clearly said they were morons.

"Oh, they must have given us the wrong address."

"They were probably just afraid of the Mayor of Main Island. Not that I blame them. Well, it is summer. My brother is probably visiting my grandma."

"And she would be? And I'm sorry, I never asked for your name." Leon was using all of his politeness.

"Roxanne."

A song came to Leon's mind and he firmly tried to stomp it out. Or least not start smiling. He wasn't sure how well he managed when she gave him a look.

"I know, I get it all the time. At least it's better than what my parents named my stupid brother."

"You mean a girl's name?" Cloud asked from Leon's side.

Roxanne started to laugh. "Oh, you're in for a surprise when you fill out the paperwork." She turned to leave.

"Wait! You never told us where your grandmother is."

"Can't tell by my hair? North Island."

"Which way is that?"

Both Leon and Roxanne turned to stare at Cloud.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Despite Cloud's moronic comment, Leon was able to find North Island without help given that it was north.

They looked out the front window and saw palm trees.

"We're not going to fit in. I'm not dressed for tropical paradises."

"Maybe we should use the magic buttons the Fairy Godmothers gave us?" Cloud pointed out, pulling open a drawer in the cockpit where they had tossed them. The buttons were about the size of a thumbnail and had the ability, when tapped, to alter the appearance of their wearer to match the environment. Cloud took his and stuck it under his shoulder pad. Leon placed his on the inside of the collar of his jacket.

"… Now what?"

"… Reboot," Leon muttered sarcastically to himself as he tapped the button with his fingernail. There was a flash of light. "Oh hell no."

He didn't want to look down at himself to see what he was wearing; staring at Cloud was traumatizing enough. Cloud was in a bright orange shirt, embellished with a print of blue flowers and green leaves. He was wearing khaki shorts, and flip flops. There was suntan lotion on his nose, and those were hideous sunglasses. Why were they shaped like pineapples?

Cloud looked down at himself and then back at Leon before shrugging. "… I guess this works. Maybe this is what the locals wear?"

Leon tore off the flower lei from around his own neck. "No, undo, undo, undo you stupid worthless piece of shit," he growled as he prodded the button repeatedly. Nothing happened.

"I think you made it angry," Cloud helpfully added. Leon glared.

"… Wipe the suntan lotion off your nose." Leon tore off his own ridiculously colorful shirt, grateful for the wife beater underneath. His own sunglasses were orange, but at least they weren't shaped like fruit.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"Well Cloud, it was pretty easy to find his sister, right? Her hair really stuck out, how many people can there be with silver- _Fuck_."

There were hundreds of them. Silver hair everywhere. The only non-silver haired people around were dressed alarmingly like them and were taking pictures of everything.

"Maybe we were supposed to blend in with them?" Cloud asked, pointing towards a large gathering of- oh Hyne, were the two them supposed to be tourists?

"Okay, let's go. Take pictures, try to blend in."

They joined the tour group which was apparently touring the main village of North Island. Some highlights included an old woman walking her pet skunks (one was an albino even), the great family tree which looked more like a bush, and near the end of their tour, a shrine.

"Welcome."

Leon frowned, looking around for the source of the voice. And then he found it. Standing right behind them. Maybe looming was a better word. Leon recoiled, dragging Cloud with him.

"I am Kadaj, the High Priest of Jenovaism," the silver haired man rasped at them, continuing to creep towards them, gesturing emphatically with his hands. He was completely clad in leather, which was even more disturbing considering how hot and humid it was outside.

Leon ran out of room, backed up against the shrine. "What's a Jenova?"

The High Priest gave him a look that Leon wasn't sure if he should interpret as irritated, gleeful, or really turned on. "Jenova is the mother of us all. She resides in this box, but her spirit is with us always." Kadaj pointed behind him, and Leon followed his finger, and realized that he was leaning against the same box Kadaj was indicating.

He felt his skin crawl and he leapt away immediately, leaving Cloud to fend for himself.

The High Priest continued, "Have you come here to be baptized in our faith?"

Leon leaned back as the other man continued to intrude upon his bubble. "Uh, no, we're actually here to find… Riku."

"Ahw, Riku?" And that was suddenly the most hickish accent Leon had ever heard.

_Oh Unholy Hyne. What the hell is this place?_

"Sure, I know Riku," Kadaj continued, dropping the High Priest act completely. "That boy's my cousin. On my mama's and my daddy's side."

_Unholy Hyne. Get me out of here._

"Well, come on. Let's go to my grandma's house. She can point y'all in the right direction."

And that was how Leon and Cloud found themselves having dinner with the skunk lady. Later that night, he had to share a bed with the albino skunk. It slept on his head, and he didn't sleep at all.


	13. Chapt 3b The Man and the Bear

AN: We chose the FFnet screen name from this chapter, not the other way around. You will understand when you see it, and also learn how to pronounce it.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3.2: A Small Hick Island – The Man and the Bear<strong>

Three months later, Leon and Cloud finally found themselves on Main Island. Beau (also known by his pseudonym, Kadaj, the High Priest of Jenovaism) had sent them in completely the wrong direction, resulting in the two of them becoming lost and losing valuable time. To be fair, he did point them south, but south was a rather broad direction considering that they had started from the northernmost island. They had passed Main Island four times during those few months because it wasn't all that "main" and happened to look like every other island in the chain. This wouldn't have been so problematic, except there were about three hundred islands on this world and none of them had helpfully stamped their names on themselves. Whatever this important mission Riku and Sora were being summoned for was, Leon hoped that it wasn't urgent. Otherwise they were screwed. Really screwed.

"Finally, I thought we would never get here, with everyone and their shit directions."

The gummi ship was parked on what looked to be a soccer field and in front of them was Main Island High School, which was the name the two of them had bestowed on it for now.

When they disembarked, their clothes immediately shifted back from tourist chic to their standard leather and belts.

Leon felt vaguely irritated by this, as he had spent the last three months attempting to get their clothes to change to something less colorful and had only recently started to get used to his new look. "… What the hell? Why couldn't it have done this before?"

"I guess we're not tourists here," Cloud helpfully commented as the ship's hatch closed behind them.

"I thought these were supposed to help us blend in. What the hell was with the tourist act on every other island?"

"Well, we certainly weren't going to blend in with the locals. You saw North Island."

"… Shut up, Cloud." Leon activated their ship's cloaking device. "Everybody remember where we parked."

"Why would we forget?"

"It's- … Nevermind. The ship's invisible. If we lose it, we're never finding it again. We should probably head towards the school's main building. See if we can find the records office."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

They didn't make it far from the field before Destiny Islands once again proved that the general populace was completely insane.

"What the hell is that?"

"I think it's called a roundabout. They were quite popular in Rabanastre, remember?"

"No, Cloud. The thing in the middle. What is that?"

"It looks like a statue. You know, you landed in one."

Leon turned and narrowed his eyes at Cloud, unsure if Cloud was being stupid, or sassy. It was hard to tell sometimes, especially since when Cloud was being sassy, he was intelligent enough to play stupid.

"… That was uncalled for. I'll be more explicit. What is that statue in the middle of the roundabout depicting?"

"… I don't know. We should go look. Might be important."

And then Cloud set off into traffic.

Leon quickly caught up and escorted him across the street before someone died.

The statue at the center of the traffic circle across from the school was… well, it would have fit in at Radiant Garden. It appeared to be depicting some sort of epic battle between a man and a bear. The man had long flowing locks, a submachine gun, and was swinging an axe. He also seemed to be pulling the pin out of a grenade with his teeth.

"What is wrong with these people? Who is this?"

"It's their mayor."

Leon turned to stare at Cloud, who was reading the plaque with great interest. " 'This statue has been erected to commemorate our mayor's most glorious victory over the mutant bear that had for so long threatened our borders'."

"… What borders? This is an _island_. It's a bear, where was he supposed to go? For a swim?"

Cloud shrugged. "It was a mutant, maybe it could fly."

Leon was ashamed to admit that he did check to see if the bear had wings. And then he stopped to consider it.

"You know, this feels really familiar." He moved around the statue to get a better look at the mayor's face. "For some reason, I look at him, and my leg hurts. A lot."

"Maybe you're dying," Cloud chimed in.

"Shut up, Cloud."

Then there was loud cheer. They turned and saw something that honestly Leon had never seen before.

A huge playing field filled with water.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Turns out Destiny Islands wasn't weird in just the boring ways where they worshiped heads in boxes and elected their mayors because they killed mutant bears (why did that seem so familiar?). Their sports were bizarre too.

This sport was called "blitzball" and it was apparently a combination of soccer, full contact football, and active drowning. And it appeared to be very popular. Cloud insisted they stay, and Leon couldn't really find a reason to leave. What if someone drowned? What if they _missed_ someone drowning? Plus Destiny Islands was populated by weirdos. He kept hearing bits and pieces of a conversation from a few rows ahead of them involving "green jello" and "potatoes" over the roar of the crowd. There was an active gladiator sport in front of them that possibly would result in someone drowning, why would you discuss _potatoes_?

During a time out because some sort of foul occurred, an advertisement ran. And it only furthered his belief that this world was populated by insane people. It took him awhile to figure out what it was even an advertisement for. He originally thought it was advertising a kickboxing match, and then it transitioned into a cool club, before finally ending in a dentist's office. A _dentist's _office.

"That looks like Sora," Cloud said in disbelief as the man on the screen offered to punch the cavities right out of them.

On that point, Leon would have to agree. The man looked disturbingly similar to the spiky haired brunet they were both familiar with. They even had the same obnoxiously bright color scheme.

"Maybe we should call his office?" Cloud asked as the number flashed up on the screen.

"And ask him what? 'Hello Mr. Bar-… Whatever that name is. Have you seen this kid that ran off to save the known worlds? He looks just like you. So you must know him'. "

Cloud pouted, crossing his arms as he continued to stare at the screen as the dentist showed off his office that more than slightly looked like a tattoo parlor, complete with flash on the walls. "Well, when you put it like that…"

"It sounds stupid? That's because it is stupid, Cloud. Just imagine. Sora with drills. In your mouth."

Cloud shook his head and cringed, covering his mouth with one of his hands.

Play resumed shortly after, and no one had drowned by the time half time started. Leon was just about to get up for popcorn when some sort of… fight broke out in the badminton courts across from them. Apparently, badminton was also violent on this island. And apparently there was a feud between the badminton and the blitzball teams. He wasn't sure why since he was fairly certain blitzball was played in water and badminton was played on land, and he couldn't really see the overlap. However, this feud involved someone's father.

And then a miracle happened. And lo, the lame could walk. The blond kid in the front row (who may have possibly been the one discussing green jello) leapt from his wheelchair, shouting, "If anyone is going to kill him, it's going to be me!" And then he took off towards the fight. Screw popcorn, Leon wasn't missing this for the world. He grabbed Cloud's sleeve and pulled him in the direction of the badminton courts.

He lost track of Miracle Kid quickly, but it didn't matter, because there was literally violence in every conceivable direction.

And there was a scream, followed by another scream, followed by a "NOOOOOOOOOOO." Leon whipped around and there was Miracle Kid, being lifted off the ground by some burly blond dude from the blitzball team while some other brunet kid that he couldn't see clearly clutched at Burly Blond Dude's leg, sobbing hysterically.

The fight was finally broken up by police in full riot gear. There may or may not have been pepper spray involved and there were more ambulances than Leon had ever seen in his entire life.

Sadly, Miracle Kid was one of those taken away in an ambulance, and judging by the angle of his leg, he would need another miracle to walk again any time in the near future. The burly blond dude got taken out by a blitzball near the beginning of the fight. Unfortunately, he was still holding Miracle Kid while this happened.

"Holy shit that was," he and Cloud started at the same time.

"Awesome!"

"Awful!"

"…"

"…"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Unsurprisingly, with everyone distracted by the riot, no one even noticed them breaking into the school. The records office was for some reason located in the math hall, next to the most disgusting bathroom he had ever seen (and he had lived in a _boy's dorm_.)

He originally attempted to pick the lock, but that plan fell through when the whole lock just fell out. He stared while Cloud picked up the doorknob and lock fixture off the floor, turning the parts over in his hands to inspect them.

"… Well, that solves that problem," Cloud commented as he attempted to replace the tumbler on the door.

"Not yet, we still have to check the records."

Cloud shrugged and took the lock with them.

They had a major hiccup in their plans. They did not know Sora or Riku's last names. And of course, the records were in alphabetical order by last name. The names that they did not have. They also discovered after flipping open a few files, that only the first and middle initials plus the last name were listed.

There were a lot of S's and R's. Way too many to start ringing random doorbells.

Leon groaned, closing the file cabinet he had been leafing through. "I'll start looking for last year's yearbook, you start on A and see if anything stands out."

Two hours and two yearbooks later, he was honestly ready to give up for the day. But then Cloud excited poked him in the side.

Leon looked up quickly, feeling as ecstatic as Cloud looked at the thought that they might finally be getting out of here. "Did you find them?"

"… No, but you need to see this."

"… Cloud," he growled out in annoyance as he closed the yearbook he had been inspecting, "we're on a schedule here."

Cloud continued to hold the file open next to Leon's face. "No, you really need to see this name."

Leon sighed in defeat, deciding to humor Cloud, if only to get him back on task. And then he saw _it_.

"_No_. No."

Cloud couldn't hold it in any longer. "_Yes_. R. S. F. Leithe-Soughts _the Third_."

Leon continued blinking at the name to see if there was some possible way to make it seem slightly less… horrid. "I don't think it's pronounced that way, it's gotta be something like 'Lethe-Sotts'."

Cloud shook his head. "No, what if it's actually pronounced 'Leet-Sauce'? '_Leet. Sauce'_."

"You shouldn't even joke about something like that. That poor kid. He's probably been picked on since middle school. Seriously, look at how many days this kid has ditched. You don't do that unless something is wrong."

Leon grabbed the file from Cloud and moved to place it back in the cabinet. And then he froze. A few files back, there was a name he knew.

"… I know where we're going," he said as he pulled out the file.

"How?"

"Just… trust me. Everything makes so much more sense now."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

They arrived at K. Loire's house after a thirty minute walk. The three story palatial estate was located on top of a giant hill overlooking the rest of the town and they could see the sculpted lawn shrubbery from blocks away.

Leon narrowed his eyes as some of the bizarre shaped bushes came clearer with decreased distance. "… Is that supposed to be a… person?"

"It's Peter Pan. I think," Cloud observed as they neared the house.

Upon arriving, they discovered that bizarre lawn foliage wasn't the only thing decorating K. Loire's yard.

Leon stopped in his tracks and stared. "… Is that a naked man?"

"Yes. Yes that is."

"What is he doing?"

"Why is he here?" Cloud answered his question with another question, carefully averting his eyes from the lawn.

"I don't… know. Just don't look."

With that, the two of them stumbled their way to the front door, doing their best to ignore the naked man sprawled out on the grass.

Cloud knocked on the door.

Half a minute later, it opened.

"Hello? Can I help you?"

"Princess Kairi? We're here to-"

Leon was cut off as the door was slammed in his face.

"Umm…" Leon and Cloud exchanged a look as they heard the chain lock slide into place.


	14. Chapt 3c What Ducks Fear

**Chapter 3.3: A Small Hick Island – What Ducks Fear**

Cloud, because a locked door obviously wasn't a sign, decided that knocking again would be best.

The door opened as far as the chain would allow.

"… Are you here to kidnap me?" Kairi asked through the crack, eyes narrowed. Leon gave her a confused look.

"No? I mean, technically we are here to kid-… acquire Sora and Riku. I have no specific orders regarding you," he tried to explain as Cloud kept his hand hovering near the door knocker. Leon smacked his hand down but kept his focus on the princess.

"… Who are you?" Kairi asked, "You look familiar."

"My Lady?" came a voice from behind them and Leon couldn't stomp down years of conditioning. He turned and immediately regretted it. Cloud made a strangled noise from beside him and his hands flew up to cover his eyes. "Is there a problem?"

The naked lawn ornament was no longer sunbathing.

Leon may have grown up in a boy's dorm that had little to no respect for privacy, but it had been a while, and this was pushing it. He kept his eyes firmly on the man's sunglasses. That was until Cloud's hand appeared out of nowhere to protect his innocent eyes or something. "Ow shit fuck Cloud!" Leon flinched back into the door as Cloud's thumb found his right eye.

"I don't think so, Al-Cid," Kairi said from behind them. "Besides, that one really does look familiar. You can go back to sunbathing. But if I scream…"

"I shall come to your defense in a heartbeat," the man declared loudly and through Cloud's fingers, Leon could see him return to his previous place on the lawn.

Leon managed to claw Cloud's hands off as they heard the chain lock unlatch behind them.

"Ma'am," Cloud said with urgency as he turned around to look at the princess. "There is a naked man on your lawn."

"Yeah?" Kairi gave Cloud a look Leon recognized as one that he used all of the time. Confused exasperation. "He's Al-Cid, the Rozarrian exchange student. They do things differently there. Who are you?"

"My name is Leon and I'm from Radiant Garden, but we met in Traverse Town. This is Cloud and he's… This is Cloud and we're here to try to find Sora and Riku because they are needed by Yen Sid," Leon explained, trying to look as harmless as possible.

"Oh! I remember you now," Kairi opened the door fully, gesturing them inside. "Come on in. Sorry about the cold greeting, but I've been kidnapped before, so people showing up asking for a princess is just generally a bad thing."

"… Fair enough," Leon shrugged as they stepped into the house. Behind the door was a shotgun. Leon stared at it for a moment before considering the revelation that had brought them here. That actually wasn't that surprising.

"Dad insisted," Kairi explained, noticing his look.

"Oh… Oh I believe you," Leon muttered and followed Kairi into her house to the living room, where the TV was on mute.

Leon opened his mouth to explain more extensively when the phone rang. Kairi made a frustrated noise and picked up the receiver.

"I'm sorry, the number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please confirm your number and try again," she rattled off in a chipper voice and slammed the phone down.

"… Uhm?"

"He's been calling me for-" The phone rang again. Kairi made inarticulate rage noises and shoved the receiver at them. "One of you, deal with him."

Cloud obediently reached out and took the phone. "Hello?"

Leon heard what could only be described as an "ehhhhhhggnnnn" of distress before the caller hung up. Leon turned expectantly to Kairi for some sort of explanation.

"He's been calling me every ten minutes for the last two hours," she explained as simply as possible.

"Who?" Did she have a stalker? Did he need to take care of this? Was it his job? They were almost sort of rela-

"Riku," she cut off his train of thought with a word that simultaneously was filled with affection and hatred.

"What?"

"He's in the hospital. And he wants me to come pick him up because he doesn't want his parents to know. And he won't take no for an answer," Kairi explained with a look heavenward. "And he's as high as a kite."

"… Why?" Cloud asked.

"You haven't seen the news?" Kairi gestured to the TV screen. "He's an internet sensation now."

Cloud reached over Leon to grab the remote and turned the sound back on.

"Live from the badminton courts where it all happened earlier today, a riot broke out during halftime of the blitzball game."

"Hey, we were there," Leon said to Cloud as they both leaned forward, watching the newscaster. The news then showed footage of the riot.

"There we are!" Cloud pointed and sure enough, there they were, watching a full blown riot erupt.

"We have been talking to students all afternoon. This student was one of the members of the blitzball team," the camera cut to a teenager by the name of Reks.

"It was Captain Basch fon Ronsenburg of the Blitzball team," he said with the clarity only a concussion could provide. "Or it could have been his brother? They're twins, I don't know. They have the same face, and it's all just blurring together now." Behind him someone ran past screaming: "I'm Captain Basch!"

Kairi made a strangled noise from the other couch. Leon started to look over at her before the interview continued.

"SHUT UP, VAAN!" shouted Reks, before he turned back to the camera. "But man, vengeance was had. We totally redeemed Rasler's dad's honor."

"What exactly was said about the King of Nabradia?" the interviewer asked excitedly. Reks just shrugged.

"I have no idea, but Rasler got really worked up about it and there was a war cry and then we just had to. It was for his father. You don't turn that down. I felt like a _knight_."

"And did you know any of the people injured here today?" the interviewer continued.

"I sure as hell know Riku," Reks said with a laugh. "I used to bury him in the sandbox when we were little. No hard feelings!" he shouted at the camera.

"Don't believe Ondore's lies," shouted 'Vaan' as he ran past again.

"VAAN! GET YOUR OWN INTERVIEW!" Reks screamed before he turned his attention back to the interviewer. "Sorry Mr. Ondore," he said to the newscaster. "My brother gets a bit overexcited."

"…He is of course referring to the recently returned kidnapped teenage boy from earlier this summer," Newscaster Ondore explained, deciding to ignore that outburst. "His injury was, well why don't we just show you? As a warning, this footage is of a severe injury. It may be disturbing to some viewers."

The clip from earlier resumed and suddenly there was Miracle Kid on the ground getting stomped on by Vaan.

"Oh god," Kairi muttered into her hands.

"What?" Leon asked and then Burly Blond Dude tripped over Miracle Kid and fell on him. There was a snapping noise.

"OH UNHOLY HYNE!" Leon shouted.

Miracle Kid's leg went at a strange angle and then there was a scream of "NOOOOO" from Burly Blond Dude.

"Where… oh Hyne," Leon couldn't look at the screen so he turned to Kairi. "Where is Riku?"

Kairi gave him a confused look before his attention returned to the screen as a brunet appeared suddenly. Burly Blond Dude was hoisting Miracle Kid up in his arms, mindful of the leg bending in all of the wrong places. And then the brunet fell to his knees and grabbed onto Burly Blond Dude's leg in emotional agony.

"Wait," Leon said, eyes now taking in the brunet properly.

"Is that…?" Cloud started.

"Sora?" Leon finished, because it sure looked like him, primary colors and spikey hair and huge shoes.

"Does that mean that…"

"Dammit," Leon swore as it all clicked into place, including Miracle Kid's hair color. "They were right there. We were ten feet away from them!"

And sure enough, there they were in the background, staring. Then a blue ball flew across the screen. Burly Blond Dude tried to move out of the way but Sora clinging to his leg prevented that. The ball collided with Burly Blond Dude's head before bouncing away to hit the camera. The camera hit the ground only moments before the pile of Burly Blond Dude, Riku, and Sora did.

The footage ended and returned to the newscaster. Kairi took the remote from Cloud's slack hand and put it back on mute. "If it makes you feel better, I was there too. And yet… all of that happened."

"So Riku is in the hospital?" Leon asked, because it just seemed so unbelievable.

"Yeah. And he's not very-" The phone rang again. Kairi rolled her eyes, took a deep breath and pressed speakerphone.

"Riku, you need to stop calling me and call your dad."

"Kaaaiii-ri. Kai-ri I called and it said you were gone and then I called again and it was a man."

"… I'm here now, Riku. You need to call your dad."

"Kairi, there's a duck outside. It's watching me."

"… Riku. You're on the fourth floor. I don't think it's watching you."

"They know, Kairi. They _know_."

"…"

"Kairi, what if they come get me?"

"If you call your dad, they won't have a chance."

"Kairi, the nurses won't close the blinds. They stopped coming because they said I was annoying."

"… I can't imagine why."

"And stupid fat Basch landed on me and broke my leg."

"I know Riku. The whole internet knows."

"And he won't close the blinds and because of that I won't let him touch my Triceratops."

"… What?" Leon interjected because seriously, what?

Kairi looked at him and gave an awkward equally confused shrug. "He's been speaking nonsense for hours. They gave him something _really_ good."

"Kairi. Basch… Basch is looking at me."

"That's because you're acting like a freak, Riku."

"Or the duck got to him. He seems like a duck ally."

"… What the hell does that even mean Riku?"

"Are you saying I look like a duck?" came a new male voice from the other end of the call.

"Your bandages make it hard to tell," Riku whispered. "And you're fat."

"I am not fat!"

"Riku! Riku!" Kairi snapped, trying to draw Riku's attention back to the phone.

"Kairi… Kairi the ducks are outside."

"I know Riku, they gave you the wrong room but it will all be better if you just call your dad."

"No, he'll get angry that I broke my leg."

"… I think he'll be angrier about the active participation in a riot."

"I was saving your stupid Vaan."

"So you could kill him yourself. Call your dad."

"No."

"Fine! I'll call him for you!" Kairi reached out and dialed.

"NOOOO!"

While the phone rang, Leon heard something that sounded like "I let you touch my Velociraptor!" from Basch and "Yeah! The inaccurate one!" from Riku before a new voice came in as the phone was answered.

"Hello?"

"Hello Mr. Riku's Dad," Kairi said, and Riku went dead silent.

"Kairi? Is there a problem?"

"Your son is on the line. And he's in the hospital."

"… What?" And instead of sounding angry, Riku's father sounded confused. "What happened?"

"He got… uhm."

"BASCH'S FAT ASS LANDED ON ME!" Riku interjected loudly and there was a protest from his end of the line.

"… What?" Riku's father asked, still obviously trying to process what was happening.

"Have you seen the news? Hey, Riku, have you even seen the news? Basch picked you up to carry you to safety."

There was a noise that sounded vaguely like the newscast over the phone and Riku seemed to be ordering Basch to find the remote in their room.

Then there was that telltale snapping noise.

"Oh my god!" Riku's father exclaimed as Riku and Basch finally got their TV working.

"Maybe he isn't fat," Riku monologued. "Maybe he just has really nice huge manly muscles that feel really nice."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… Kairi… is my daddy still there?"

"Yes, Son."

"Oh. You didn't hear that. I like boobs."

"Of course you do, Son," Riku's father said with a long suffering sigh. "I'll come get you."

"NO! You have to stay on the phone with me."

"… Did they put you in the East Wing?"

"Daddy, I can hear the ducks. They're right outside."

"… Why the hell would they put you in the East Wing? It's in your medical file."

"I've been trying to ask him the same thing," Kairi interjected. "All I get is rambling about Basch and the nurses."

"Alright… Son, I'm going to tell you a secret. A secret with how they dealt with ducks during the war." Riku's father said, sounding dead serious. "Do you know what ducks are afraid of?"

Leon gave Kairi a confused look as Cloud listened intently. Kairi shrugged back at him.

"What?" Riku asked, voice quiet as he waited for this untold treasure of knowledge.

"Sleep," Riku's father said with conviction and Leon and Kairi exchanged looks.

"What?" Riku didn't seem to buy it either.

"You see, Son, during the war, they found a lake guarded by ducks. They tried all that they could to scare them away, but nothing worked. Until they settled down for the night. Suddenly, the ducks became terrified and they fled in the night. You see, Son, when you sleep, ducks don't know if you are faking it, and that makes them afraid. Because what if you are? You could attack them."

"…Oh…" Riku said over the phone, as if the wonders of the universe had just revealed themselves to him.

"So sleep, Son, and be unafraid. But before you do, give the phone to Basch."After the sound of what Leon assumed was the phone being thrown over to the next bed, Riku's father's tone completely changed. "Basch, get up and close the blinds. You only are concussed. Walk it off like a man."

"Yes Sir…" came Basch's muffled answer.

"And tell your mother you all are invited over for dinner on Tuesday."

"Yes Sir…"

"… That didn't even make sense," Kairi said after Basch hung up. "And how did you do that? He kept calling me over and over."

"Years of experience," Riku's father answered.

"Was any of that true?" Kairi asked and Riku's father started to laugh.

"No, don't be ridiculous. Why would a duck be afraid of _sleep_? But it was the only way I was going to get him calm down enough for me to pick him up."

"Well thank you. It was… it was going to get ugly."

"You're welcome. I guess your dad will be home soon since I am leaving. Gotta go save my son from the duckpond."

"Alright. Bye, and thank you for saving me from him." Kairi hung up.

"That… That was Riku?" Leon had to ask.

"To be fair, he's really high," Kairi tried to explain.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

While they were waiting for Kairi's dad to come home, the Rozarrian exchange student once again made a naked appearance before changing into some clothes and joining them in the living room. The four of them covered a wide variety of topics.

Why was there a naked man on the lawn? ("I just want an even tan.")

Where exactly was Rozarria? ("It's on the southwestern edge of the continent of Ivalice.")

Why did it take them so long to get here? ("Kadaj gave us crap directions.")

What was the problem with ducks? ("He tells everyone he hates them, but he's actually terrified of them. I think he got attacked by them at the zoo when he was a kid… His parents took pictures of it. Donald didn't help either.")

Why does everything think Riku was kidnapped? ("Oh, they think Sora was kidnapped too. But they think Riku was a stripper. They just think Sora's nuts.")

Were skunks commonly kept as pets on Destiny Islands ("What? Why would you even ask that? Oh wait. You met Riku's grandma, didn't you?")

And then the door opened and Leon knew it was time to face the only man in the universe who terrified him.

"Kairi, I'm home early from work! Did you see what happened to Pool Boy?" Came a loud boisterous male voice and Leon reminded himself that he faced down the end of the universe. He could face an old man with a crap leg. "Perhaps we should go visit him, and I can tell him about how I overcame my pain and became Mayor of Destiny-"

"Daddy, we have guests," Kairi announced, cutting the Mayor off mid ramble.

Leon cringed as the man finally came out of the hallway and into the living room. "Greetings citizens, how may I-"

And then the Mayor stopped, eyes fixed on Leon.

"… Son?"

"No. Just no… Don't call me that." Leon stood up, turning to face his biological father. "… Hello, President Laguna."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Eleven years ago, when Leon was landing on a statue that was supposed to be depicting a Keyblade bearer (even though it was grossly inaccurate), Laguna Loire washed up on the shore of Main Island. The first life form he encountered, other than fish, was a large mutant bear. He would like clarify that he didn't normally murder random animals, but in this case it was well deserved. The mutant bear did attack him first. And it might have also been capable of flight. After it was all over, he had to rank the battle in his top three, right behind his fight with a ruby dragon for his role in the _Sorceress's Knight_ and his first encounter with those gigantic dancing mushrooms. It wasn't until later that he discovered the mutant bear had killed Main Island's previous mayor, and he found himself yet again, king of a foreign nation.

He wasn't sure where he was or why he was here, but he thought that he should make the best out of the situation. A year after becoming mayor, a mysterious girl crash landed on their island. Everyone feared her because they seemed to think she was some kind of alien, which was ridiculous (aliens didn't look like that) so Laguna took her in as his own child.

"And that is how I knew together we were meant for great things."

"I don't understand, why do you keep adopting children? But wait… does this mean you don't know what happened to us either?"

"I'm afraid not, Son."

"… Stop calling me that."

"Wait… I'm still confused. You're his dad?" Cloud asked from the back seat of one of Laguna's numerous sports cars.

"Yes, indeed I am."

"… He's my bio-dad. I don't have a dad."

Laguna looked vaguely depressed as he continued to drive down the hill towards the beach. After catching up for a few hours, Kairi and Al-Cid excused themselves to bed and Laguna suggested that the three of them go find Sora and Riku tonight so they, Leon, and Cloud could be on their way quickly (since they were already running three months late at this point).

2 AM may be a bad time for house calls, but according to Laguna, they couldn't be delayed for any longer. Leon had to resist pointing out that this man was seventeen years late for his own son's birth and really had no ground to stand on in this discussion.

Riku was apparently closer. The three of them pulled up in front of a two story house and Leon waited for further instructions. "… Now what?"

"You're a SeeD, improvise," Laguna commented as he rolled down the windows and unlocked the passenger side door.

"… He has a broken leg, what am I supposed to do about that?" Leon asked as he got out of the car.

"Improvise with a wheelchair," Cloud helpfully added, and once again, Leon wasn't sure if this was one of Cloud's stupid moments, or one of his snarky ones. He decided to ignore that comment, and closed the door in Cloud's face.

As he crossed the lawn, he tried to determine the best way to get into the house without arousing suspicion, keeping in mind he would also have to, somehow, get Riku out of the house. He eventually decided that going through the front door was probably for the best. Riku would probably still be on the first floor (probably in the living room), and it looked like the master bedroom was on the second floor. He just might be able to pull this off.

Laguna, for some reason, had lock picking equipment that he had handed off to Leon before this adventure. He pulled it out of his jacket and went to work on the front door. Five minutes later, he finally managed to get the door open.

The house was quiet and then-

Something large flew past his head and collided with the door frame.

"HOLY SHIT!"

He jumped backwards, tripping over his own feet in the process. He fell to the ground and had to immediately roll out of the way as an object that this time he definitely recognized as a blender got chucked at his head. He managed to get to his feet and made a desperate sprint for the car as the porch light came on behind him. It was only when the three of them were speeding away in the car that he finally was able to come up with a coherent sentence.

"What… What was that?"

"Oh, didn't I warn you?" Laguna asked absently as he turned down a side street. "Riku's parents are both ex Special Forces. You know, I should offer his dad a raise… He's my head of security."

"What?" Leon couldn't believe his father would send him into certain death, troubled relationship or not. "What the hell did they throw at me?"

"A KitchenAid."

"What the hell is a KitchenAid?"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Needless to say, after running around at two in the morning dodging kitchen supplies, they were not up early enough to drive Kairi to school. However, Laguna, feeling bad about earlier that morning, let Leon borrow one of his sports cars.

They arrived at the high school just as the morning bell rang, signaling the beginning of classes. They began their search.

The first classroom they investigated was some sort of physics class. The teacher seemed to be in a middle of a tirade. "We're just going to ram it. If you're not prepared to die for this experiment, then why are you in AP physics?"

"Mr. Zargabaath, this is regular physics," some kid that looked vaguely like Basch commented.

The teacher only laughed, and put on his safety glasses. Leon and Cloud closed the door before something terrible happened. They weren't sure what, but there was lots of screaming.

Further down the hall, they opened the next door. And it appeared to be an econ class. They didn't go unnoticed this time however, and the teacher paused mid lecture to stare at them. Leon took that as his cue to close the door.

They continued this for the next thirty minutes with no luck. When they made it to the humanities hall, Cloud was obviously showing a lack of interest in their quest.

"… Who are you texting, Cloud?"

"I don't know. I found the number yesterday, when we were here."

"… _What_?"

"It said call for a good time. And I'm bored. I'm asking how flexible they are, so that way if we train together I can know how hard I can go on them."

Leon stared at him in horror trying to decide if he should explain this concept to Cloud or just let him continue to live in blissful ignorance. However, the conversation from the next room stole Leon's attention away.

"And that is how my great-great-grandfather died of gangrene. So remember that when someone says you should eat your own foot. It doesn't end well. Well, that's the end of my presentation. Any questions?"

A long silence ensued from inside the room before someone (he assumed their teacher) spoke. "Alright then, thank you, why don't you take a seat? Riku, it's your turn now."

_Yes_. Leon opened the door and walked into the room. On instinct, he snatched the note out of the air as it flew next to his face.

He opened it.

_What am I reading? "Bedazzling tiger eyes?" What does that even mean?_

Still in shock, he refolded the note and looked up, instantly spotting the only silver haired person in room. He couldn't resist making a snarky comment.

"Aw Riku, I didn't know you felt that way about me."

Riku made a strangled noise and flailed about slightly in his seat.

Sora, seemingly oblivious to whatever was happening, just screamed "LEON!"

"It was such a pain in the ass to find you guys."

* * *

><p><span>AN: Laguna Loire is implied through FF8 to be Squall's biological father. He didn't know about Squall's existence until Squall was already grown up and saving the world. If he had known, Laguna would have probably been the best father ever. This is a man who waged a one man war on a foreign nation to retrieve his adopted daughter who had been kidnapped by that nation's ruler. After defeating her, he ended up as President. Unfortunately, while he was away, Laguna's wife died in childbirth and Squall and his (adopted) sister were sent off to an orphanage on another continent. <span>


	15. Chapt 4a Call for a Good Time

AN: The teacher is a character Squall has met before, but that'll be touched on later.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4.1: The Urban Legend – Call for a Good Time<strong>

Riku wanted to die.

Never mind yesterday, _this _was his suckiest day ever. Yesterday just involved getting kicked repeatedly in the testicles, being stepped on the face, and having his leg broken- okay, maybe yesterday sucked more but today was definitely more emotionally distressing.

His second proclamation of fluffy manly feelings was intercepted by Leon, Leon of "Radiant Garden." He just _had_ to come into the classroom at that exact moment, he just _had_ to open his note, he just _had _to read it! "I dreamt we were riding exquisite winged horses of periwinkle soaring over vast continents of mountains of blue and green," what the hell had Riku been thinking? Why, why did he write that? Why couldn't he just stick with "check yes or no"? Riku sucked at poetry and that was part of the reason why he was currently sobbing in a bathroom stall. His head hurt, his eyes were bloodshot, and his leg hurt like hell but he wasn't sure if that was a residual effect from yesterday's "Basch should lose about 600 pounds" incident or not.

Why, why did these things happen to him? What did he do in a past life to deserve such bad karma? It was like a superpower or something, a really horrible superpower that was a combination of being Riku (having bad luck) and being best friends with Sora (who had a magical power of inflicting pain on all those around him).

He had run away from class after a few minutes of Leon humiliating him and an incident involving Riku's head and a desk. After that, Riku hid in the nearest bathroom, or at least the nearest deserted bathroom. The first two were occupied by stoners.

The bathroom lights flickered. Riku looked up in annoyance. The math hall bathroom was the only one that was devoid of any drug deals mainly because everyone was terrified of it. The math hall bathroom had lived on in school legend ever since a rumor made its way around the school claiming a student had been murdered in it years ago. And honestly, Riku wouldn't be too surprised if that ended up being true. It was the bathroom that was always flooded, the bathroom that never had paper towels, the bathroom where the lights were dim and cast the wrong light on everything. And currently, Riku was sitting in the second stall from the door, both trying hard not to start crying again or get his feet wet with whatever the hell was on the floor (he hoped to god it was water).

His phone buzzed at him again. He resisted the urge to chuck it only because then he would have to retrieve it from whatever disgusting substance it landed in.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

_Twenty Minutes Previously_

"Leon!" Sora leapt out of his seat and ran excitedly towards the leather clad intruder.

Riku sat there in shock, unable to do anything but open his mouth in a soundless scream as his brain tried and failed to comprehend what had just happened. Leather, silver, belts, leather, scar… more belts... _Holy Fucking Kingdom Hearts!_ It finally clicked in his mind, and Riku let out a strangled scream as he leapt out of his seat and pointed an accusatory finger at _him_.

"You!" Leon of "Radiant Garden" messed with the wrong teenager on the wrong day, and now there was going to be hell to pay.

"… Me." And with that, Leon smirked at him. Riku stared helplessly as the other man did the unthinkable, the impossible, as he pocketed Riku's love letter.

It was only after this that his teacher finally intervened. "Excuse me sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave-"

She stopped speaking and stared at the intruder in her classroom, and not in a potential kidnapper kind of way, but in more of a creature from the black abyss variety. And the most surprising part was that Leon just returned the look, eyes wide as if he had recognized his long lost sister or something. Riku had the sinking suspicion that he was missing something, something instrumental in understanding what the hell was going on here.

Leon eventually tore his gaze from Ms. Trepe and looked around the classroom, eyes scanning the desks.

"… The family tree assignment, eh?"

Riku glanced down at his own family tree on his desk in slight concern when Leon just stopped on his and stared. Why was he getting such unwanted attention? His wasn't all that out of the ordinary, it was just rather… ingrown… Who was he kidding? His family looked more like a shrubbery than an actual tree, a messed up, inbred shrubbery whose mother had escaped from North Island and whose cousins led cults worshipping heads in boxes and kept albino skunks as pets. Riku turned over his family shrubbery in annoyance and glared at Leon. It was then that a switch seemed to flip in his brain.

_Wait a minute, what the hell am I doing just standing here, he _stole _my confession! _

"Hey! Give it back!" Riku yelled, once again pointing at the intruder.

"No," Leon replied flatly, and Riku could have sworn the other man was smirking. "You two are coming with me now." Leon gestured as he spoke at Riku and Sora, who was bouncing next to him excitedly.

Riku shook his head. Leon looked at him, just looked at him.

"Do you want to be in school?"

He glared at Leon. "No, but I'm not leaving with you!"

Leon's face tightened ever so slightly, just enough to betray annoyance. "I will drag you to the damn gummi ship if I have to, and trust me, I have had loads of practice dragging annoying blonds around on this trip."

Riku wasn't quite sure how to take this. First off, he was not blond, at least not in the strictest sense of the word. Also, Riku wasn't annoying, maybe sometimes frustrating, but never annoying. And finally, why was Leon dragging around blonds? So he chose simply not to answer and just glared, standing defiantly, refusing to move.

Leon frowned. "Don't make me carry you." Sora shifted uncomfortably next to Leon. He gave Riku a pleading look from across the room.

Riku smirked. "I dare you."

"I'm not putting up with this," Leon sighed as he took a step towards him.

He walked swiftly towards Riku. Riku kept on looking at him, hoping to stare him down. However Leon just kept on walking towards him. It wasn't until Leon reached out for Riku's arm that Riku realized that Leon was _really _tall and perhaps he had more willpower than he gave him credit for. So he resorted to plan B, making himself as painfully unmovable as possible.

"What the hell are you doing?" Leon growled as Riku sat down in his chair and stared defiantly up at him. Leon let his arm drop to his side as Riku shook his head violently.

"I'm not leaving with you!" He grabbed the bottom of his seat.

"Riku… Come on, let's go."

Riku looked up. Sora was looking at him with his huge eyes and was giving him the look, the look that he used to bend poor unsuspecting people to his will and have them help him in his quest. Sora was very good at making puppy dog eyes, and that combined with his overwhelming happiness, it was how he got all those sidekicks and the free food and board. Riku could already feel his resolve dissolving. He wanted to cave just so Sora would stop looking at him like that. But then again, Sora didn't know why he was being immature and stupid beyond belief, he just thought he was being- well, being _immature _and _stupid_ beyond belief. He didn't know why Riku was making an ass out of himself. He didn't know the truth, he didn't know that Leon had intercepted a love note meant for his eyes only.

Leon grabbed his arm and pulled but Riku tightened his grip and dug the heels of his shoes into the ground. His chair made a terrible shrieking noise as it was drug along the ground a few inches, making everyone in the classroom cringe.

Riku knew trouble was coming when Leon shot him that look, a look that clearly said, "If you don't behave, I'll read your love note, complete with the poetry and confession of fluffy feelings," but he ignored it and tightened his grip on his chair.

Leon sighed and walked back to the front of the class. Riku smirked, ha! He won the battle of the wills! No one and nothing was going to make him leave with Leon, nothing was going to make him move from this seat.

Leon smirked ever so slightly. Riku's eyes widened. _No, he couldn't possibly, he wouldn't, he doesn't have the balls_ _to_-

"Your bedazzling tiger eyes and chestnut colored locks-"

_SHIT! HE HAS IT MEMORIZED!_

Riku moved with reflexes he didn't even know he possessed. He saw Leon's eyes widen as Riku detached himself from his seat and took a flying leap across an entire row of desks, sending students scrambling for cover as he soared overhead. As he glided through the air, he could not help but think about how kickass he must look right now. Riku smiled to himself, and then several things happened at once. Riku had made three assumptions upon leaving the ground: one, Leon was stupid, two, Leon was slow, and three, that Leon would stand there like a dumbass. One or more of these assumptions proved to be incorrect and in that instant, Riku's smirk turned into a scream as Leon sidestepped him.

_HOLY FUCK! THIS IS SO UNFAIR!_

Sora screamed as Riku passed within a fraction of an inch of Leon and with a sickening crunch and the unpleasant sensation of having all the joints in his body pop painfully, he slammed headfirst into Ms. Trepe's desk and crumpled to the ground unmoving.

Sora shrieked again and ran over to his best friend and knelt down next to him. He grabbed Riku's arm and shook it.

"Riku?"

Riku groaned and shifted, so he was on his back rather than his side. He opened his eyes slowly and gazed at Sora with unfocused eyes and a goofy expression on his face.

Sora leaned over him in concern. "Riku?" he asked again.

But Riku's mind was not currently in this dimension. Where he was currently, there were lots of shiny lights, pretty colors, and black spots that danced across his field of vision. Sora came in and out of focus and his voice seemed to drift along as though he was speaking to him at the end of a tunnel or something.

Sora looked at Leon. "I… I think he hit his head."

Riku put a hand to his temple, blinking his eyes as he tried and failed to focus on Sora. He closed his eyes and rubbed them.

Leon just stared at him in alarm. "Sora," he started slowly, "I think that's an understatement."

On Riku's end, things were slowly coming back into focus. The classroom was no longer purple and the ceiling tiles weren't moving anymore. And there were definitely people standing around him instead of blobs. He sat up slowly, feeling very shaky.

Leon continued to stare. "A huge understatement."

Sora moved closer and placed a hand on Riku's shoulder. "Riku," he said deliberately, "you hit your head."

Riku found the willpower to roll his eyes despite feeling as though he had been recently assaulted by Roxas, a blitzball, Vaan's foot, Basch's fat ass, and a desk- wait, didn't that happen? Never mind, probably wasn't that important anyways. Either way, it hurt like hell.

Ms. Trepe came into view. She pushed up her glasses as she spoke. "Maybe I should call the nurse."

He thought he heard Leon mutter, "What _is_ it with you and nurses?"

Riku shook his head, eyes still slightly crossed. "I'm not moving from this spot." His words came out sounding slightly slurred, _weird._

Leon sighed. "You just said that a minute ago."

Riku looked at him in confusion. He did? Wait… that did sound familiar. He glared at Leon, feeling harassed. "You moved me! I'm not moving!"

"You moved yourself, idiot!"

Sora poked Riku's arm again. Riku turned and before he could say anything, Sora held up one hand. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

This… this required some thought.

The two of them just sat there, staring at each other for a full minute before he finally answered. "Seven."

Sora looked at the three fingers he was holding up in alarm. He then turned back to Leon. "That's not good."

Leon leaned over Riku. He had a shiny belt buckle, like really shiny… Wait, belts, why did that sound familiar? He liked belts, so did Ansem. And DiZ, his whole face was covered in belts and so was- _Shit_! It was _him_, the evil, leather-clad _bastard_!

His eyes went wide and he pointed at Leon. "You!"

Leon stared at him, as though assessing his mental health. "We've already had this conversation. You have a one track mind that's for sure, let me guess, next you're going to insist that you aren't moving, despite the fact that you just did, and then I have to threaten you and you will injure yourself further. So let me make things easier for you, this is the point where I carry you out of here." Leon moved forward and Riku let out a strangled yell.

The veil of concussion-related stupidity was slowly starting to lift. He wasn't moving from this spot, he had to get out of here now! Which… didn't make that much sense when he thought about it but now was not the time for thinking. He had to get out of here.

He almost knocked Leon over as he leapt up and made a mad rush for the door. He was just glad he didn't fall flat on his face considering the circumstances, that would just make for the most anticlimactic escape scene ever.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

So here he was, sniffling in emotional distress in the math hall bathroom. His brain was back to mostly normal now, or at least he hoped. The smacking of the head incident wasn't going to help his dwindling math test scores, that was for sure.

His phone buzzed angrily at him again and he flipped it open. Incoming call from unknown number. He hit receive and held his phone up to his ear.

"What?" he said in an irritated fashion. He was not in the mood to put up with anything now, let alone perverted stalkers.

On the other line, all he could hear was someone breathing into the phone. He frowned, now really pissed off. "Say something!"

A definitely masculine voice came through the phone. "We've been looking for you, Riku."

Riku looked around, feeling just a bit paranoid. Then he remembered that he was in the math bathroom, and no one goes into the math bathroom without a biohazard suit and matching rubber boots, perhaps a flamethrower for good measure. He leaned against the gum covered stall door with a slight smirk on his face. No was going to find him _here_, no one would even risk contracting the potentially fatal diseases that grew in the toilets like cell cultures in oversized Petri dishes, no one was ever going to look in here for him.

"Oh yeah," he said with a slight smile, "come and find me then."

"Come and find you? I'm already here."

Then there was a dial tone. Riku froze with the phone still pressed to his ear. He stopped breathing, holding his breath as he listened. There was no sound except for the slow drip of water and… was that a rat? Was this bathroom where the Black Death originated from? Oh lord, he resisted the urge to scream only because he was more scared of stalkers than fleas and boils, but only just barely.

He continued to listen, only to be met with perfect silence. _Wait, this is stupid_. He let out his breath and shut his phone, putting it in his pocket, smiling to himself sheepishly. There was no one here, he was all alone in the serial killer bathroom, no rapists would find him today, no one except him was-

The door creaked.

Riku froze, back pressed up to the stall door, praying that it was just his overactive imagination playing tricks on him, cruel evil tricks on him. But then he heard heavy footsteps and a small splash as someone stepped in a puddle of water(?). He quickly looked around for an escape but it soon became obvious that he was trapped, trapped in a bathroom stall waiting for execution as the man outside slowly meandered around, occasionally pausing before continuing.

He closed his eyes, trying to convince himself this was just a bad dream. Any second now he was going to wake up and find that this whole awful day was just a nightmare, any second now he was going to wake up to the sound of his mother cleaning his room and finding his awkward love note he was going to deny ever seeing before and was going to _burn_ the second he woke up.

Shing!

Riku started to breathe faster as something metal was pulled out right outside where he was currently cowering in fear. He wracked his mind, what makes a noise like that, what did the man just pull out? A knife makes that noise… oh god, a _knife_ sounds like that. He was going to be found hours later, dead and covered in blood on the disgusting bathroom floor. His mother would build a monument to him and move all of her shrine back into his room and he would live on in school legend as "that one guy who was killed in the math bathroom twenty years ago" that no one actually believes really existed. His mind flashed back to that movie with the alien Sora loved so much. "In space, no one can hear you scream." What about the math hall bathroom? Maybe he could make a run for it, maybe he could escape. No, with his luck, he would get caught and stabbed before he even got to the door. He should have stayed home, he knew from the start that today was going to be full of suck.

There was a strange series of beeping noises. Riku listened intently. What was that? Sounded electronic…

Bzzz

Riku jumped as his cell phone buzzed angrily at him in his pocket. He slammed his hand down on it and fumbled, trying to silence it while praying his creepy stalker was deaf.

The pacing stopped. Riku froze with one hand still on his cell phone. The man's shadowy silhouette was cast on the wall in front of him. And then, the lights flickered and finally blinked off.

Riku could not help but let out a small screamlet before clapping his hands over his mouth. This was it, he was going to die, he knew that now for certain. Riku looked around in the darkness. He heard footsteps rights behind him and tried hard not to panic even more. Ah screw it; it didn't matter if he stayed calm because either way he was going to get his insides spread across the wall like obscene finger painting. But then, a miracle happened.

The lights blinked back on, once again casting a strange orange glow on everything. He sighed in relief and relaxed against the door, feeling strangely safe, as no was going to sneak up on him. Then he saw _it_, or rather the lack of it. The man had moved, his shadow was no longer cast on the floor and ceiling, he was somewhere else, but where? It was only then he heard the breathing that was not his own and looked around in alarm around his stall. He crouched down and checked under the stalls next to him. _Where is he_? He stood up again, back against the door. He felt hot air on his neck. The stall door creaked and a sense of foreboding dawned on him slowly as he stiffened and looked up.

The man was clasping the door and peering over it.

Riku screamed, spun around, and kicked the stall door open. He caught his would-be rapist off guard, nearly knocking him to the floor. Riku ran out and looked around in a panic. The creepy stalker was in between him and the door, and the creepy stalker was now pissed. Riku spun around and ran into the next stall over, shutting and locking the door. He then realized how bad of an idea this was. Like really, really bad. Now he was trapped in a corner with a very annoyed murderer outside instead of just being trapped in the middle stall with a disgusting toilet next to him. He looked around for something he could use as a weapon when he froze, completely in shock. _What the fuck?_

He looked around in disbelief. This was… unbelievable. He shook his head, wondering if he was hallucinating. On the wall there were at least a hundred obscene… advertisements. But that was not the most worrying part. The most worrying part was the seven digit number that was under _everything_. He looked at his cell phone and back to the numerous "call for a good time" messages scrawled out all over the stall. _No fucking way, no it can't be my number, it's- … Fuck_. Only a few people had his cell phone number, his family, Sora, Noah, Kairi…and that was about as far as his list of friends actually went and he was pretty sure they wouldn't sell him out, literally, like this. Where the hell did these people get his number? _Real mature, let's just pick on the guy who was a stripper, even if I never was really_ was _a stripper_.

The stall door rattled and Riku jumped, almost forgetting that he was in a "to be or not to be" violated situation here. And as if responding to his pure terror, there was a sudden flash of light and he felt the familiar, comfortable weight of the Keyblade in his hand. He looked down and stared at it in shock before feeling his face heat up a bit. Right, he totally remembered that, he didn't _forget_ about it or anything, it wasn't like he was just an idiot- Forgetting you are the savior of the known worlds and that you possess a magic sword was completely understandable under these circumstances.

He tightened his grip on the Keyblade, and readjusted his footing to be more stable so he would not slip on the rather large puddle that originated from the toilet. This was so disgusting, when he was less worried about being murdered, he would return with a health inspector and a vengeance.

It was then that he heard the bathroom door open and close and more footsteps made their way in. Was this his salvation? Did someone come to rescue him? The footsteps made their way right up next to the stall door, and it was then that he remembered that this was the math hall bathroom. And no one went to the math hall bathroom unless there was something seriously wrong with them. Well, he would meet them in the glory of battle instead of cowering here. His courage had finally found him again as he realized that there was only one way he was getting out of this, and he unlatched the stall door, ready to face whatever was out there for him. The door was pulled opened and he came face to face with…

Sora?

The brunet blinked as Riku's mind finally caught up with his reflexes, and the Keyblade stopped a fraction of an inch away from Sora's neck.

"Riku, what are you doing in there?"

Before he had a chance to answer though, a dark silhouette swept around the room. Oh god, the man was here, and now he was going to kill Sora too. Riku grabbed Sora by his uniform's tie, pulling him into the stall with him. He slammed the door shut and locked it, placing himself between Sora and their potential killer.

"Riku, I'm happy to see you too, but why did you shove me in a bathroom stall with you? This is gross."

It was gross to Sora being this close with him? His heart fell for a second before he looked back. Oh, the green, fuzzy toilet. Right, that was pretty gross.

"Sora, what are you doing in here?" he growled out. He appreciated the backup, but at the same time… "There's a serial killer out there!"

Sora looked at him blankly, obviously confused. "Was he hiding behind Cloud?"

Hiding behind clouds? What kind of a stupid question was that? And why the fuck would there be clouds in here? "No! What are you even talking about? Wait, never mind, I need you to focus Sora. Can you do that for me?"

Sora nodded, still looking very lost. Riku sighed in relief and turned his attention back to the door, Keyblade at the ready. It was showtime. Well, at least it would be if Sora shut up and got ready. "Hey Riku, does that mean what I think it means?"

What was Sora even going on about? Riku rolled his eyes and turned to tell Sora to be quiet and get ready to kick some serial killer ass before freezing as he saw Sora gesturing at the largest obscene message on the stall wall. Well, shit. Riku grabbed Sora's arm, pulling him around to face him. "Sora. I need you to focus." However, Sora was more determined than Riku would have liked and continued to look back to the wall over his shoulder.

"Why is that written all over the stall?"

Riku groaned, not wanting to be having this conversation right now. Honestly, why couldn't he have a normal best friend? "Sora, I don't give a shit, we have other things to worry about." Like the man that was pacing a few feet away from them.

"Wait… 727… Isn't that your phone number?"

Riku's eyes widened and he shook his head, praying that Sora would just drop it already since at this rate they were going to be murdered, and it would take _weeks_ before someone even noticed that the math hall bathroom smelled more like rotting flesh than usual and their bodies were found. However, the universe wasn't on his side today and Sora continued to examine the "advertisements" while the man outside continued to wait for him to make a wrong move. Riku wasn't going to give him that opportunity though, he was going to make sure of that.

"Riku," Sora whined, which he ignored, turning to stare at the stall door. A few seconds later he felt Sora tugging on the sleeve to his uniform and he rolled his eyes, looking over at him. His best friend stared at him, and Riku knew even before he opened his mouth that this was going to be painful.

"But isn't this the boy's bathroom?"

Riku was about to respond with something witty and sarcastic, but then he remembered why Sora was most likely asking such a dumb question in the first place. Well, this was awkward, wasn't it? Riku stared at him in return, unsure of how to answer, so instead, he let his Keyblade dissipate in a shower of sparks and grasped Sora's shoulders and gave him a gentle shake to try to refocus his attention on the more pressing situation at hand.

"Sora, focus, can you do that for me?"

Sora continued to look at him in confusion and nodded slowly, giving him a small smile. "I guess that I can-"

He was cut off as the door to the bathroom opened and Riku clasped his hand over his best friend's mouth, shushing while he listened to the heavy footfalls making their way inside.

"I thought you said you found Riku."

"I did."

"Well, where is he?"

"In there. With Sora."

"… What are they doing in there?"

Riku glanced at Sora before letting him go. He held up three fingers and then brought both hands up as if he were grasping a Keyblade. The brunette just stared blankly and Riku sighed, trying again, this time mouthing the words "on three." Sora nodded and smiled brightly this time, giving him the thumbs up to show that he understood. Outside the stall, the conversation was still going nowhere.

"So you're telling me that they are in there?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

Riku held up his first finger, reaching back behind him to place his hand lightly on the lock, ready to slide it open.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

Riku held up a second finger and he called the Way to Dawn into his hand. And then something horrible happened. It was already rather crowded in here, and that wasn't helped when Sora summoned his own Keyblade. And it especially wasn't helped since when Sora followed suite, he summoned the Ultima Weapon right into Riku's thigh so the curved spines dug in painfully up along his leg and pinned it against the door. This bathroom stall was simply too small for two teenage boys and their mystic swords, and shit, that sounded weird even in his head. He fought to swallow down the profanities that were screaming through his mind and he gestured at Sora violently, hoping he would get the message and put the damn thing away. When Sora just continued to stare at him in confusion, not following what was making Riku behave so strangely, Riku acted in the sake of self-preservation of his already partially crippled leg and unlatched the door. When the door gave out behind him and he fell backwards, Sora gasped, dropping the Ultima Weapon and reaching for Riku instead. He did manage to grab Riku's wrist, but the older boy's momentum and unbalanced state wasn't stopped by Sora, and they both fell onto the (thankfully) dry floor.

"I told you they were in there."

"… Shut up, Cloud."


	16. Chapt 4b The Shrine

AN: Sorry for the long wait between updates. School has restarted and updating will slow down a bit but we are still working and we still love this story.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4.2: The Urban Legend – The Shrine<strong>

"Nice house, looks better in the daytime."

"Uh, thanks?" Riku finally muttered in slight confusion, glancing back at Leon as he pulled out his house key and unlocked the front door. Once they were inside, he set his backpack up against the wall and listened intently for the familiar sound of his mother flitting around the house. When he was greeted only by silence, he sighed in relief. "Good, my mom isn't home yet, otherwise we would have been in so much-"

"Trouble?"

Riku froze and turned to look towards the kitchen where his mother was standing in the doorway, arms crossed.

"_Mom_?"

They were screwed, completely screwed.

"Hello, Honey," she drawled, her accent thickening, like it always did before she went in for the kill.

"Mom?" he repeated dumbly, eyes widening. He was trying hard not to panic. What was his mother doing here? How did she know?

"You just get stuck, don't you?" Leon commented from the porch.

Riku's mother seemed to finally notice the intruder lurking by the front door. "… Who's that, Honey?" Her eyes narrowed and she turned her gaze back to Riku, who was slowly edging his way towards the staircase. He froze, unable to move as she just _looked_ at him and stared into his _soul_. He knew that look, it was the one she reserved for only hardened criminals, mobsters, Sora's mother (even though those three were pretty much the same in her opinion), and sons that were caught ditching school.

He swallowed hard, trying to control the almost overpowering urge to either scream, grovel, flee, or maybe all three at once just to be safe. "Uhh… He's um…" He trailed off as her gaze hardened.

If there was one thing his mother was good at, it was detecting a lie. That and smelling fear. And right now, Riku was terrified. His mother was easily the most frightening woman Riku had ever been born to (and the only one technically, now that he thought about it), and he knew that his chance of escaping with his dignity intact was approximately zero. His mother was a human lie detector, she was promoted to Chief of Police because of it years ago, and Riku had never learned how to lie under pressure as a result. Little white lies, he could usually pull off, either that or his mother just didn't bother to rip into him for saying he wasn't afraid of ducks or that he had a great day at school. But for the important lies, there was no point in trying when your mother could tell you weren't telling the truth by the twitch of your eyebrows or just by the fear in your eyes as she started to carefully dissect your _lies_ one at a time.

"He's… Yeah. We'll let you guys have grownup time." And with that, Riku grabbed Sora's wrist, dragging him up the stairs while he fled for his life. Leon and Cloud were adults; they could deal with his mother. They could fend for themselves. It wasn't like his mother was Chief of Police and an ex-Special Forces- oh god, Leon and Cloud were screwed.

Once Sora and Riku were safely in his room, he barricaded the door and started listening for the sounds of screaming and household appliances being thrown.

"Why is your room covered in pictures of you?"

_Oh right, Sora hasn't been in here since we came home_. He turned to watch Sora as he started to walk around the room, staring at Riku's baby pictures plastered to the walls.

"Mom… Mom didn't handle me being gone very well. This is my shrine. Even though I'm still alive. It matches my plaque," he commented lamely as Sora paused to stare at one picture in particular. Riku frowned a bit, moving behind Sora to try to see what was so interesting about it. For a split second he panicked and nearly threw himself in front of the wall to block it until he remembered that his naked bath pictures were across the room, by his window.

"You mean your 'In Loving Memory' Plaque? You know, I was always impressed how they managed to fit your entire name on it."

"… Thanks Sora." _I'm glad someone likes my monument. _

Sora pointed at a picture on the wall, but due to his rather obnoxiously shaped hair, Riku's field of vision was blocked and he continued to maneuver awkwardly around him, hoping to god that his mother didn't post up the duck photos or something. "Who's that creepy old dude holding baby you?"

Riku blinked in confusion. His mother took pictures of him as a baby being held by creepy old men? That seemed rather un-nurturing. He pushed Sora aside and stared. "… You mean my great-uncle Sebastian?" Great-Uncle Sebastian wasn't creepy, Great-Uncle Sebastian was just- okay, in that picture, he did look rather creepy, but he was Mom's favorite uncle, and she had a _lot_ to choose from.

Sora nodded, a look of comprehension dawning on his face. "Oh, is he the one that you're-"

"Yes, Sora," Riku interrupted, cutting that conversation short before it even began, hoping that Sora would just forget about bald Great-Uncle Sebastian who held babies with clawed hands like they were piles of fruit and would just move on.

Riku turned and walked over to his bed, sitting down on it while he waited for the sounds of Leon and Cloud being chased from the premises of his house by his mother. He sighed, checking his watch out of boredom before he looked up again to watch Sora.

His heart stopped for a moment.

"Riku, what's this and why does it have my name on it?"

Riku's eyes widened in horror as Sora picked up a piece of paper laying out on his desk. He tried to think of an explanation, any sort of explanation for possessing something as… incriminating as that horrible piece of piece of paper that he should have burned hours and hours ago, and perhaps never have written in the first place.

Sora started to unfold the first draft of Riku's note, and Riku sprang to his feet, ready and willing to tackle his one true love to prevent him from discovering his status as that. Sora's fingers were not at all slowed by the complex fold that Riku and he had developed years ago and right as he started to open the final fold, a miracle happened.

"Honey! You and Sora can come back down now!"

Sora dropped the note, letting it fall back onto Riku's desk as he turned towards the door. "Oh, it sounds like your mom's ready for us."

Riku skidded to a halt, nearly tripping over his own feet and slamming himself and Sora into the photo covered wall. However karma wasn't finished with him yet. He fought back a profanity filled scream of pain as the corner of his desk clipped his thigh, right where a giant bruise was already forming from Sora nearly emasculating him earlier today with his Keyblade. _Goddammit motherfucker fucking shit dammit fucking BITCH_. He clenched his teeth and gripped at his desk with both hands, sinking down onto his knees as he struggled to contain the sweartrains that were threatening to spill from his mouth. Today was not his day, even though at the rate his life was going, he would probably die from a Sora related injury before his day ever arrived. He reached up on top of his desk blindly, groping around for his love note before Sora turned back to check on why exactly he had managed to lose Riku on their journey from the desk to the door. His fingers finally landed on the unfolded piece of paper and he just barely managed to pull it off the desk in time.

His fingers closed around the note, crumpling it into a ball. And then Sora spoke.

"Why are you on the floor, Riku?"

Riku made sure to leave a few extra seconds to collect himself so he wouldn't sound like a man who had just been assaulted twice by desks today. "Sorry… Dropped something," he lied, clenching his fist around the note as he struggled to keep his voice level. "Go ahead, I'll catch up."

He waited until after he heard the door close again and the sound of Sora's footsteps making their way downstairs before he let out a muffled f-bomb of anguish. Today was not his day, and this week probably wasn't going to get any better.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

It took him ten minutes to regain the will to live and after doing so, he hobbled down the stairs slowly, not wanting to add a broken something from a fall to his growing list of things that he hated about life. At the bottom of the stairs, he smelled brownies cooking, and he felt betrayed, and even more so when he staggered into the kitchen and saw Leon and Cloud sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee while Sora licked the mixer blades clean of brownie batter. _His brownie batter_.

"… _Mom_, you made brownies and you didn't come get me?" he whined, taking a seat of his own at the kitchen table. His mother had her back to him and after checking on the brownies baking in the oven, she turned and crossed her arms, giving him a very disapproving look. Riku wasn't sure what he had done wrong, but that look alone was enough to make him feel guilty about existing.

"Honey, why didn't you tell me and your father that you were thinking about attending a private school?"

Leon was apparently a better liar than Riku gave him credit for. "Uh…" He glanced over at Leon and Cloud, hoping that maybe they would clue him in on whatever ridiculous story they had told his mother. When they just continued to sip at their coffee, he decided to wing it.

"I… wasn't sure if I could get financial aid," he lied, looking at Leon for some sort of cue. What was he supposed to even say? He turned his gaze down at the kitchen table, pretending that the small stain on the wood was suddenly extremely interesting and required deep analysis before he chanced a glance upwards again and saw his mother was just staring at him.

He expected this, his mother was always a rather intense person in the middle of an interrogation, but this look was somehow different than her usual soul-penetrating gaze.

Riku turned in his seat to follow her as she walked around the table, just examining him with a genuinely concerned expression. Was his lie about being worried about money really so horrible to warrant his mother looking at him like that and circling around him like some sort of vulture? When she went around the table again, so did he, just turning in his seat to keep her in his field of vision. She finally stopped right in front of him and grabbed his chin, moving it around to tilt his head this way and that. Finally having enough, he batted her hand away in annoyance, frowning as she responded by circling around him again.

"… _What_?" he growled, immediately regretting it as her eyes narrowed at his tone. "I… I mean…" he tried again, stumbling over his words as he attempted to backtrack. "What are you doing?"

She sighed and crossed her arms, continuing to look at him expectantly. "Honey, what's in your hair?"

_... What? _He looked around the table in confusion at the other three. His hair was in his hair. What did she expect him to say? He started to catch on that something was wrong though when Sora paused in his licking of the brownie batter and glanced over at Riku, his eyes widening as if Riku had… had something disturbing caught in his hair. _Oh shit_.

He reached back to feel for whatever was distressing his mother so as he started to go through a checklist of things that could possibly be tangled up in his hair. His hand froze and his eyes widened as he remembered his adventure in the math hall bathroom. No. _No_.

He barely resisted the urge to flee into the shower and start scrubbing his skin raw. He didn't want to know what was in his hair, there were so many horrible things in that bathroom, and he didn't want any of it near him, let alone on his head.

His mother seemed to sense his distress and spoke up again before he managed to work himself into a panic-stricken fit. "Honey… it's gum."

"Oh thank _god_!" His mother just stared at him, but he was counting his blessings because out of all the things to wind up in his hair from that cesspool of teenage debauchery, gum was one of the least offending.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

He wasn't so thankful an hour later when his mother pulled out the scissors.

"Mom! No!" he pleaded as he attempted to shield his hair from her with towel that had been sitting on his shoulders.

"Maybe you should try freezing it again?" Cloud supplied from across the kitchen. He, Sora, and Leon had been "helpfully" offering advice as Riku's mother went through every single gum removal technique the five of them combined could think of. But the math hall bathroom variety of gum was apparently a much hardier species than any other they had encountered. It might also have been sentient. Not only did nothing seem to work, each attempt to remove the gum seemed only to aggravate it, causing it to latch on more firmly to a growing mass of Riku's hair.

"I've already done that. Three times. Honey, it's not coming out any other way."

Riku already knew this twenty minutes ago when the gum stubbornly refused to leave his hair. He knew that there was no way he was going to come out of this experience whole. But he wished that she would stop brandishing the scissors in a way that made him incredibly nervous and just a bit threatened that she was going to swoop down and assault his hair with all the finesse and technique of an alcoholic with a weed wacker. He sighed and pulled his towel down and off of his head, admitting defeat.

His mother seemed to take that as her cue. She walked behind him, taking the knotted mass into her hand. Riku just waited for the inevitable to happen, but it never did. So he just waited, feeling tenser and tenser with each passing moment. Finally the awkward silence was broken.

"Sweetie, your hair is a mess. Can I get the split ends off while I'm at it too? It'll look so much better when I'm done."

He hesitantly nodded. That seemed alright. He was a bit overdue for a trim anyways, and his last real haircut had been years ago, back when he was in middle school-

His mother pulled his hair into a ponytail. And then cut it off.

Betrayal.

That was the only thing he was able to feel as he turned to stare in horror at the eight inch long strands of hair just lying limply on the ground. He reached back to feel his remaining hair, hoping that his mother had showed mercy, that she wouldn't really do something like that to her only son. However, he found much to his despair that his new haircut barely reached the back of his neck. And she wasn't finished with him just yet. To his horror, she next grabbed his bangs and continued cutting.

"MOM!" he practically screamed, leaping out of the chair and barely avoiding having scissor blades imbedded into his face during the process. He continued to feel at his shorn locks, hoping there was some way to salvage his ruined good looks as he backed away from his mother.

"Honey," his mother stated flatly, just giving him a look like he was the one acting like a lunatic with scissors, "it was all split ends. You obviously didn't take good care of your hair in the R.O.D. It needed to go. Now let me finish. Otherwise you're going to look stupid."

A high, hysterical laugh tore its way past his lips, and he just kept laughing as his mother guided him back to the chair and put the towel around his shoulders again, as she continued to cut and style the hack job she had just bestowed on him, as she evened out his bangs and layers. By the time she was finished, his laughter had long since died off, replaced by despair instead. He covered his face with both hands as his bangs were now much too short to hide behind and slumped down in his chair as his mother started to sweep up the alarmingly large pile of hair on the floor.

When he finally dared to peek between his fingers at the other three people who had observed the whole thing, he found them just staring at him in a mix of shock and a bit of horror, as if they were worried that maybe his mother would come after them now too, and give them all new hairdos.

The room was dead silent save for the sounds of his mother flitting around in the background as she continued to tidy up after giving her son what he was suspecting was the human equivalent of a poodle cut. She finally finished and handed him a mirror that she had retrieved from the bathroom. He took a deep breath and prepared for the worst, reminding himself that a haircut wasn't permanent and he was half-North Islander, and an added benefit of being descended from that particular long line of incest was that his hair grew quickly and would be back in no time. He finally looked at his reflection.

His hair wasn't as short as he imagined it was going to be. His bangs had been cut until they came to rest about even with his eyebrows, and the rest of his hair had been layered, with the longest parts reaching just short his chin.

"… Damn," Leon muttered as soon as Riku's mother left the room to go toss out yet another dustpan full of silver hair. "I was going to make fun of you, but you actually look decent."

Riku just glared and was going to respond with something snide when Sora interrupted him. "Yeah! It looks good, Riku. You have nice eyes, and I can actually see them now," Sora concluded with a bright smile.

And that alone was enough to make Riku's stomach flutter. And for him to almost forgive his mother for attacking him with scissors.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

After that hour and a half divergence dedicated to saving and then destroying Riku's hair, the five of them all sat down in the second story den and Riku's mother just listened to everything Leon had to say, occasionally asking questions but otherwise remaining quiet with a slightly skeptical look on her face. Leon was starting to suspect that his lies weren't quite cutting it and that Riku's mother was more… cunning than he originally anticipated. Which was a surprise, given that _Riku_ of all people had inherited half of his genes from her.

When she finally excused herself to go take care of something downstairs, Leon turned to Riku, who kept reaching up to feel the ends of his new haircut.

"So, because I'm lying to your mother, what _is _your last name? I have to come up with some fake paperwork and it'd be a lot more convincing if you weren't just referred to as 'Riku' in it. I asked Sora earlier today, and he said 'best friends don't betray each other like that,' which was mildly concerning. What's your last name? I need to know."

Riku blinked, tugging on one of the longer strands of silver hair before shaking his head. "… No. You don't need it. I can just be Riku."

Leon sighed, rolling his eyes. "No, not really. How bad can it be? His name is Cloud, and I'm named after a weather front."

Riku paused as if deep in thought. He finally sighed dramatically and slumped back against the couch, averting his eyes. "… Fine. It's… Hikaru," he muttered, and even Cloud in his dingy state was able to pick up that blatant lie.

"No, no it's not," Cloud pointed out immediately, causing Riku to let out a rather nervous sounding laugh.

"Wha- what?" Riku stuttered and Leon resisted the urge to point out his apparent inability to ask a question without repeating it only because the teenager then continued in what was maybe supposed to be fake indignation, "Of course it is. And how would you know? You don't know my last name."

_Oh Hyne, this kid sucks at lying._

"There were no 'R. Hikaru's in the file cabinet at your school. Trust me, we looked."

"Honey! I need you downstairs!" suddenly came the voice of Riku's mother drifting up from the ground floor. Riku however just ignored it with a loud, frustrated sigh.

"It's Hikaru. Riku Hikaru."

"No it's not," Sora muttered next to him. Riku turned and glared at him, causing the brunet to sink down against the couch and flash an apologetic smile. "I mean, yeah, it's totally Hikaru."

"Honey? Where are you?" came Riku's mother's voice again, which her son continued to ignore.

"Yeah, and what about you, Sora? Have you told them your last name? Sora Bar-"

"NO!" Sora interrupted loudly, "everyone says it wrong, so I'm just Sora!"

On the first floor, Riku's mother was running out of patience. "Honey. I need you downstairs. I'm only going to say it one more time."

Riku rolled his eyes and let out an extremely exasperated sigh. And then, being the teenager that he was, he turned in the direction of the stairs, and started yelling. "MOM!" Sora visibly cringed next to Riku, and to be honest, Leon didn't blame him. This kid was way too loud to be allowed in civilized society. "I'm talking to my new teacher! Chill out! Geez!" Riku huffed and crossed his arms, settling back against his seat again. And then it happened.

"RIKU SEBASTIAN FRITZWILLIAN LEITHE-SOUGHTS III! DON'T YOU DARE TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME!"

In the aftermath of that outburst, an awkward pause followed. Riku was the first to react, his expression changing from one of annoyance to pure horror faster than you could say "R. S. F. Leithe-Soughts III."

_Shit, it's _him.

Cloud just threw back his head and started to laugh. Leon joined him shortly after.

"ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?"

Riku had been finally awakened from his horrified stupor and was in the middle of lunging across the coffee table towards Cloud when he immediately veered off course, instead propelling himself towards the staircase. "NO! Mom! I'll be right there!" He turned, whipping himself around quickly to snap angrily "Shut up, guys!" at the two adults, both of whom were at this point incapacitated with laughter.

Riku's mother however would not be sassed. "DID YOU JUST TELL ME TO SHUT UP?"

"NO! Mom!"

"SEBASTIAN!"

And there went Riku down the stairs, scaling it in a single leap with surprising grace considering that this was the kid that had knocked himself out earlier that day by assaulting a desk. Maybe it was the fear for his life, or just the fear of being grounded, but for the first time today, Leon could see that maybe Riku did have some warrior potential after all.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

They spent the next few hours waiting for Riku's father to arrive home from work. That time passed much less interestingly than before. Riku Sebastian Fritzwillian Leithe-Soughts III ("Stop calling me that, it's not funny") had been grounded and ungrounded after arguing and then sucking up to his mother, and afterwards just sulked and continued to mess with his new haircut as Leon, Cloud, and Sora chatted the time away.

Finally, there was the sound of the front door opening and closing. Riku perked up visibly. "Dad?"

There was shuffling and then footsteps on the stairs.

"Son?" Leon recognized the sleeping-duck-man's voice immediately. He sat up in his seat and straightened out his clothes, trying to make himself somewhat more put together. He was meeting the man who told tall tales about epic duck warfare and who almost succeeded in killing him with a KitchenAid yesterday. This man deserved respect.

When Riku's father made his way up the stairs, Leon stood up and was going to introduce himself and shake the blond man's hand, but Riku intervened, leaping up to give his father a hug. Riku's voice was muffled, but Leon was almost certain that he heard him say, "Daddy, save me. Mom murdered my hair."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Riku loved his parents. He really did. Out of all the reasons why he wanted to leave on his raft, his parents were at the very bottom of the list. But they were embarrassing as hell. Everyone always said their parents were humiliating and made them want to crawl under a rock in shame. Riku envied them. Even _Kairi's _dad would have been less embarrassing, and that man didn't even wear _pants_ half the time around company.

Riku and Sora finally managed to extract themselves from his parent's conversation with Leon and Cloud. In the hour it took to finally find an opening and make a break for it, the baby pictures had been pulled out, his father monologued to no one in particular on a variety of subjects, and a fire had to be extinguished downstairs in the oven because everyone had forgotten about the brownies completely.

When the two of them made it to the front door from the kitchen where the adults were dealing with the incinerated remains of chocolaty goodness, Riku's phone buzzed. He frowned, wondering if Cloud was texting him for more "training sessions" and after a moment's debate, he sighed and flipped his phone open.

"**1 new message from Kairi"**

"**Where were you guys today? They had homecoming nominations at lunch, and you left me to deal with Rasler trying to buy my loyalty with cookies all alone. Btw tomorrow is the assembly. You and Sora ditching with me at the park?"**

Riku groaned, holding up his phone so Sora could read Kairi's text. And to think he had forgotten about Homecoming. _If only I could forget about Homecoming._ "Homecoming week is this week apparently. Today was nomination day, so that means tomorrow is assembly day. We're ditching, okay? I know you haven't had a chance to attend a homecoming assembly, but trust me, you're lucky. The only thing you're going to miss is Rasler prancing around trying to get votes. And even though that sounds hilarious, it's not. It's horrendous."

Sora gave Riku a slightly skeptical expression before he just shrugged in a noncommittal gesture. "Sure, I don't really care about Homecoming anyways, we can do that." He picked up his backpack from next to Riku's front door. "Well, I should get back home now, I have to walk Sora still before Dad gets home … So yeah, see you tomorrow."

Sora smiled, giving Riku a giant hug before pulling away. With that, Sora left, leaving Riku alone with Cloud who had wandered in after the two of them from the kitchen.

Cloud finally spoke. "… Why is he giving himself a walk, and why is he doing it in the third person?"

* * *

><p><span>AN: And, yes, it is Fritzwillian, as in with an "r" and an "n". <span>


	17. Chapt 4c Shinra, Satellites, and Cyborgs

**Chapter 4.3: The Urban Legend – Shinra, Satellites, and Cyborgs**

Yesterday, Kairi and Riku had made a pact. One that they had managed to rope Sora into for his own good.

Ditching the Homecoming Assembly.

The Most Boring Assembly of the Year.

Yesterday had been nominations and voting for who would be on the court. Today was the day the court was announced and round two began. Sadly, presenting the court took approximately two hours for some reason and was always thematic.

This year's theme was Court Life, and there were too many paper crowns at school already.

Kairi had attended the Homecoming assembly last year, where she discovered much to her dismay that everything Riku had told her about it from his first attempt at being a freshman was untrue. It was actually ten times worse. She was never putting herself through that again. And so they agreed to meet up this morning at the park across the street from school to play on the playground like children and make fun of Kairi's Dad's statue until the storm had passed, and the assembly was over.

Kairi got there first, having been dropped off by a very confused Squall-Leon. She wasn't sure what exactly to call her adopted brother, because Laguna insisted it was Squall, Squall insisted it was Leon and Cloud only seemed to be able to remember his own name with any sort of consistency.

And then Sora and Riku arrived and Kairi had a horrible experience.

Every once in awhile, Kairi would find herself attracted to Riku. It was a nightmare and something that pretty much destroyed her day. Because he was _Riku_ and he was… _Riku_.

Sure, he was extremely attractive, but Kairi didn't have to find him attractive. He was her best friend, her brother that she never wanted. He was Riku, jerky, obnoxious Riku who had more personality issues than there were islands on Destiny Islands.

However, apparently, yesterday he had gotten a haircut. Which was actually a good thing as now he no longer looked like he had simply forgot to cut his hair for the last two years.

Sadly, the haircut also made him very attractive. And that simply was something that would have to be dealt with.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Home Ec was the first class after the Homecoming Assembly. And it was one Kairi regretted taking. Not because it wasn't fun baking cookies and making stuffed animals. No, she regretted it because it was a general elective, meaning anyone could take it.

Including her best friends.

The first week of class had gone as she expected, meaning they latched on to her like she was a life raft and their boat had just sunk. It would be okay, she supposed, if they were actually competent. But sadly, Sora and Riku, while brave and heroic and the saviors of the known worlds, were shit at cooking.

_I just hope we all survive today without anyone getting poisoned_.

**They can't be that bad.**

Naminé was the only kind voice in the room, and she was technically in Kairi's head.

_They are that bad. Once, when we were kids, we made sandwiches for lunch and got food poisoning_.

…

_I still don't know how they did it. All I know is that today… today we could die._

They were going to be making an full breakfast today with French toast, scrambled eggs, and cinnamon buns. So far everything had gone smoothly, but all that had happened so far was they had made the journey from the tables to the kitchen area.

Riku started to reach for the ingredients instantly.

"No," Kairi snatched his wrist. "Wash your hands first."

Riku stared at her in confusion before wandering over to their sink to wash his hands. Sora was already there, playing with soap bubbles and seemingly muttering to himself.

… _Great. Our team has five members and, no offense Naminé, only one of them can cook._

**None taken… Do you really think Sora is talking to Roxas?**

_Either that or he is talking to his new friend Bubbles, who is about to die_. Kairi reached over and turned the water back on, destroying Sora's tiny sculpture.

The heartbroken look Sora gave her made her wonder if maybe she had just killed Sora's friend.

Everything was relatively quiet for about three minutes.

And then everything just started to go downhill.

"Kairi?"

_No, please no_.

"Is there a difference between a 'tebisp' and a 'tisp'?" Riku asked, as if the question made any sort of sense whatsoever. She turned from where she was prepping the skillet and stared at him for a long moment.

"A what?"

"And you said you were the expert on cooking. A 'tebisp' and a 'tisp'," Riku grumbled before holding up two spoons.

"… You mean a tablespoon and a teaspoon?"

"…"

"… Tablespoons are larger?" she offered, because she wasn't sure where Riku's line of questioning was going and she only hoped that she could avert whatever disaster he had started.

"… Oh."

"Riku, what did you do?" she asked when she realized that Riku was staring between the two spoons like he was trying to solve the mysteries of the universe, or possibly just do basic algebra.

Riku was horrible at lying, as well as being horrible at cooking. He looked up at her, wide-eyed and panicked for a moment before looking anywhere but her.

"Nothing."

"_Riku_," Kairi said in the icy tone she had learned from Riku's mother and Riku cracked.

"I put three tebists of baking powder," he muttered and Kairi looked at the recipe and sure enough, three _teaspoons_ were required.

It was going to be a long class.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"Riku, what are you doing?"

"Putting eggs in."

"… Riku, you're not supposed to put the entire egg in. Shell gets cracked and left _outside_ of the food."

"Don't be ridiculous, Kairi. If they wanted just the inside of the egg it would have said 'crack the egg' or something. Look, even the picture is of a whole egg."

"… Fair. But Riku, have you ever eaten anything with egg shell in it?"

"No, that's gross."

"…"

"… I'll just pick out the shell then."

"Yes, you do that."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"Kairi!"

_No._

"Sora?"

"I may have had an accident with the sugar but I think I fixed it."

"… What kind of accident?"

"Well I misread it and I put in an extra cup of sugar."

"… Okay… We can probably fix tha-"

"And then I figured cooking is like chemistry and chemistry is a lot like physics."

_No. Please no._

**It's okay, he can't possibly be that bad at-**

"So I thought Newton's third law concerning equal and opposite reactions would be applicable."

"…"

"So I added an extra cup of salt to balance out the sweet."

"OH GOD," Kairi yelled and lunged for the drys. "RIKU!"

Riku spun around from where he was picking out the egg shells with an upset look on his face.

"WHAT? I am picking out the egg shells, this isn't my fault!"

"RIKU! We need to start over right now!" Kairi dumped the dry mixture into the trash, hoping the teacher wouldn't notice.

"What? Why are you yelling at me then?"

"I need you got go and get some butter and then get some more flour. Can you do that?" Kairi pleaded as Riku frowned at her.

"… Fine."

"Take Sora with you!" she barked because Sora was reaching for the salt again and that simply couldn't be allowed to happen. She snatched it away from him and held it protectively against her chest. "No! You aren't allowed to touch anything anymore unless I hand it to you."

"Why are you being so mean, Kairi?" Sora asked, sounding genuinely offended. "It would have been like sea salt ice cream. Salty, but sweet."

"No, they are cinnamon rolls." Kairi watched the two of them wander over to get butter before turning to re-measure the dry components. And then they never came back.

"No, Sora. It says a tebisp. You have to use the tebisp spoon not the tisp spoon."

Kairi whipped around and they were still standing in front of the butter, preparing to carve out a tablespoon from the middle of the bar.

"NO!" she ran over once again.

"WHAT?" Riku looked affronted and put his hands on his hips, ready to work up a manly tantrum.

"This is just embarrassing. There are lines! You cut along them," Kairi pointed to the tiny marks on the wrapper. Riku stared at them for a long moment before going:

"Oh… I guess that is easier."

"No shit."

"Cooking brings out the worst in you," Riku frowned. "So much darkness for the Princess of Heart."

"No, you bring out the worst in me."

"That's not very nice Kairi," Sora pouted. Kairi glared at him until he wandered away.

"Just… Just go get some flour, okay?" Kairi pressed her fingers against the bridge of her nose.

"… But Rasler has the flour."

"Get. Some. _Flour_."

"… Right. Flour." Riku wandered over to the other side of the room to collect the flour from his mortal childhood enemy.

She went back to measuring out the dry part of the ingredients when she heard from the other side of the room: "Leetsauce is so gay it's contagious."

"I'm right here… and are you trying to say you're attracted to me?" Riku's voice replied, sounding ridiculously confused. "I just want some flour. No need to be so hostile Rassy."

_What the hell? Rasler is a dick but he's never this dickish._

Kairi turned around to see what Riku did to provoke this attack but found that Riku was actually just standing there, innocently.

Well that simply wasn't fair. Riku should only be attacked when he starts fights. She started over towards them.

"You sad you didn't get nominated to the Princess Court?" Rasler taunted. Riku stared at him blankly.

"What?"

_What?_

**What?**

"Yeah, I heard you think you're popular. You aren't at a strip club now, Rod-boy."

Oh hell no. Only two people were allowed to give Riku shit for his trip into the Darkness and Rasler wasn't one of them.

"Hey!" Kairi interrupted. "What is going on here?"

"Back off Loire, this doesn't concern you." Rasler said dismissively.

"Insulting my friend for no reason concerns me. What the hell?"

"It's a 'Royal' matter." Rasler said in that irritating haughty voice of his and Kairi snapped.

"You may be a prince but I'm a Princess of Heart, _bitch_," Kairi yelled and lunged for him. Rasler reached up to grab her but Riku got in the way and punched Rasler in the face.

Rasler went down clutching his broken nose and Riku stood over him like some sort of victorious knight.

"No one attacks the princess in front of me," He snarled and Kairi had a horrible, awful moment where she was once again actually attracted to Riku Sebastian Fritzwillian Leithe-Soughts the Third.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Three hours later and they were all in after school detention. Sora managed to join them when he accidentally dumped the liquid half of the ingredients on Reks' head in the ensuing fight. Sora seemed content to stare at the ceiling and mutter to Roxas though, so maybe detention wasn't really the punishment the teacher was aiming for.

Kairi was trying to figure out what to say to Riku, because this attraction simply could not be allowed to continue, when Basch strode in, followed by Noah.

"Basch, why are you here?" Rasler asked from behind his ice-pack.

Basch took a seat, dramatically, before taking a deep breath and launching into his tale. "Well, I was in biology. We are giving presentations on dinosaurs and this guy gets up to talk about velociraptors and he had no idea what he was talking about at all. And so I called him out on it, and he called me a nerd. Seriously? I'm Captain Basch fon Ronsenburg of the Blitzball team, I'm not a nerd. So I punched him. And then got up and finished his presentation for him."

"…"

Reks was the first to recover. "Dude. You _are_ a nerd."

"No I'm not." Basch said a bit too quickly. Noah rolled his eyes from the chair next to his twin.

"How about you, Noah?" Riku called from the back of the room where he was placed by the moderator after he wouldn't stop squeaking his chair.

"Uhm. I tried to point out to Mr. Zargabaath that we aren't in AP physics, therefore we shouldn't have to die for our experiments. He tried to get me to set my arm on fire. I said no. And switched out the chemicals. He wasn't happy," Noah shrugged awkwardly.

"He probably just doesn't like you because we're from Landis," Basch chimed in helpfully. Noah rolled his eyes.

"We haven't been 'from Landis' since we were three, Basch."

"Why are you all here?" Basch asked, looking between all of them.

"Well, you see, Leetsauce decided to challenge the monarchy this morning."

"Hey!" Riku snapped. "I can break your nose again! Then it will be really crooked and it will get immortalized in your portraits. 'This is King Rasler Heios Nabradia, who picked a fight in Home Ec with a commoner and got his ass kicked'."

"I'd be more worried about Homecoming, Rasler. Ashe is going to kill you when you make King and Queen and your nose is all messed up," Reks pointed out.

And there it was, the solution to all of Kairi's problems. A date. A Homecoming date even. Whenever she and Riku thought that maybe they could overlook the fact that being romantically involved would probably require double lobotomies, they would go on a date. It always ended with them each firmly back where they belonged: Friend Zoned forever. Because really, he was _RIKU_. And Riku was obsessed with Sora (and not to mention he didn't like women), even if he wouldn't admit it. Even to himself.

She twisted in her seat to look at Riku.

"Riku!"

"… Kairi?"

"What you did earlier, when you broke Rasler's nose. You were so… That was the most knight-like thing anyone has ever done for me. You made me feel like the princess I actually am."

Oh god, this was really sappy. Sora was looking concerned, having finally tuned into everything that was happening around him.

"So, Riku, will you please go to Homecoming with me so I can stop being attracted to you and your new haircut?" The room was silent for a moment before it was broken by Reks.

"… _What_?"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

After school, Leon had somehow found himself being roped into a "family dinner." Laguna had insisted that it would be the best place to officially introduce Leon and his "School for the Gifted" to the parents of his potential "students." He had protested at first, because thus far the only thing following Laguna's advice had earned him was getting a blender thrown at his head, but he finally caved and agreed to attend. Leon wasn't exactly sure what to make of this "family dinner," (he never really had a family, and even if he did, he was fairly certain that they wouldn't have dinner like this anyway.) He had lived in a dorm almost his entire life, his idea of great food was some hotdogs, a bag of chips, and maybe a foodfight.

However, for all the fact that this was a family dinner, he had to set the table for about sixteen people so maybe this whole situation would start to feel like eating in a cafeteria. Except it was in Laguna's _ballroom_ and they were all to be seated around a massive table. And he was pretty sure they were eating with china, not trays and plastic silverware. So if he started throwing food, everyone would be really angry.

The plus side was he got to meet Sora's family, and see who he inherited his ridiculous hair from. The downside was that he had to listen to Cloud gloat because, turns out, that dentist _was_ Sora's dad.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"… Bar-what?"

"Sion Barzahd," the ridiculously colorful man said, slapping Leon on the back as he gave him a hug. "But my patients call me 'Doctor B'."

"… Oh. B-Bar-zard?"

"NOOOOOOO," Sora screeched from next to his mother. "It's Barrr-zah-d! You have to roll the r! Don't say it if you can't say it right!"

"Sora," Sora's mother chided.

"… I'm confused, why are you rolling the r with so much enthusiasm?"

"Because back before the Mainlanders, no offense Mom, came, people could pronounce their r's correctly."

"Sora, honey, I don't think it's that big of a deal," Sora's mother tried to reason with her irate son before he turned, pointing an accusatory finger at her.

"Mom, you don't get a vote! You kept your last name! And everyone knows it how to pronounce it because the company owns half of Destiny Islands!"

"Ruby Shinra," Sora's mother introduced herself with a sigh. Leon shook her hand, but Cloud just stared.

"… Shinra? As in… _Rufus_ Shinra?" Cloud's voice took on an interesting pitch. And Cloud was now making that demented expression he always made whenever he remembered that Sephiroth was living nearby.

"Yes? Do you know my cousin?"

"We've me-" And Cloud's voice pitched up from a growl to a squeak as Leon elbowed him in the side before this could get ugly. "eeehhtt."

Sora's father just laughed. "Ah, you don't like Shinra? I don't either. Except for you, Honey," he amended quickly. "But you're still the only good one. There was a time," and he took Cloud by the shoulder, as if imparting great knowledge to him, "when Shinra and I crossed swords. Or more like fists. Because I punched them and their evil plans into oblivion. You see, they turned first girlfriend into a panther."

"Honey… you mean a cougar," Mrs. Shinra interrupted with a long sigh. "We've been over this."

"And then, they took my second girlfriend, and they turned her into a _cyborg_."

"Sion. You can't call people with artificial limbs cyborgs. They're people too. I apologize for my husband, he got punched a lot as a bouncer."

"She _was_ a cyborg! And- wait… Did they ever get her out of that satellite?" Sion appeared to freeze before another two men entered through the door and he was moved out of the way by a… holy shit.

"I am Volt Krueger," the first man (?) spoke with deep voice that seemed to reek masculinity. He had horns. And about fourteen piercings that Leon could see. "I am a dental hygienist with Sion."

"Oh," was all Leon could manage as he tried to determine if the man was in fact human. He might have been a demon, in semi-disguise.

"And I'm Kou Leifoh," and this man was at least more discernibly human. Zell had more tattoos than this guy. "I am also a dental hygienist. We all were bouncers together back in the satellite days."

"Yeah, who knew all the exciting things would happen on the one day I took off." Riku's father had wandered over joined the conversation once he saw that Sora's family had finally arrived at Kairi's house.

"Yeah, well, you shouldn't have ditched us for a date."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Many years ago, Riku's father broke the sacred law of Broship that he held with Sora's father, also known as Sion Barzahd, now known as Doctor B.

"Wait, you're ditching us to go on a date?"

"Well… yeah. I mean there are three of you there. I think you can handle a bar for one night? What could possibly happen?"

"Bro's before Hoes man!"

"What?"

"You were my best friend! I talked about you when my girlfriend turned into a panther and- this is important! It's my one year anniversary of being a bouncer!"

"… You do know I'll be back tomorrow right?"

"BROS BEFORE HOES!"

SLAM

The years passed, and then, they found themselves at the wedding of Leithe and Soughts. Where Sion Barzahd fulfilled his duties as best man. And gave a speech.

"And then I realized, once I got to know you, you weren't a hoe. You weren't stealing my best friend away. You weren't even that bad of a person really, even if you are scary. You're pretty cool. You kick terrifying ass at paintball and you can make grown men cry. If anything, that makes you a bro. So I extend my hand in broship, to you, Ma'am. So here's to the bro and bro everybody. May their relationship never end like all of mine have."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"And this is Sora!" Leon found himself distracted from the reuniting friends by a dog shoved in his face. Said dog was far too large to be carried around as it was, and seemed to know it by the deranged noise it made.

"I'm sorry, 'Sora?'" Leon asked looking over at Sora, who was holding the dog aloft.

"No, he's Sora." Sora gestured at the dog, who was currently writhing in his arms, trying to lick at Leon's face.

"… The dog is Sora?"

"You caught on faster than Riku," Sora said with a proud smile. "He kept thinking I was the one peeing on furniture."

"… Why is the dog named Sora?"

"My parents forgot who I was so they bought a dog and turned my bedroom into a sewing room."

"… Oh."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Family Dinner was apparently very loud. And there was no possible way to keep track of all the conversations going on at once. Leon had tried for about five minutes before giving up and just concentrating instead on trying to identify whatever the hell was on his plate. Part of it was identifiable, but the other half seemed to resemble something that he expected to find in the math hall bathroom. He just continued to poke at it with a troubled expression as he did his best to drown out the jumbled bit and pieces of conversation that went past him at the center of the table. Cloud was next to him on one side, acting as a shield between Leon and his biological father while the Rozarrian exchange student sat on the other. And he seemed to be just as perplexed by this whole family dinner thing that Leon was if the expression he was currently making was any indication. And he too was poking at his… slime mold. And appeared to be slipping some to Sora under the table. Son of a bitch, why didn't he think of that first?

He reached down, gesturing to get the dog's attention and knew he succeeded when he felt warm Sora tongue on his fingers. He moved his plate towards the edge of the table and Sora poked his head up immediately, tail wagging. He used his fork to slide the furry green supposed food item along his plate towards the edge where Sora was waiting expectantly, drooling all over Leon's pants.

"… You're not eating your cumbershnickle?"

Leon and Al-Cid jumped as suddenly Riku appeared out of nowhere, planting a chair between them and straddling it backwards, looking at them both in disbelief. Al-Cid cursed as his plate tipped over, sending his "cumbershnickle" flying onto his crotch and Sora leaping after it.

"… My what?" Leon asked, because he was certain that he misheard him.

Riku just continued to stare at him like he was the one speaking nonsense. "Your _cumbershnickle_. You two are feeding it to Sora."

"… Cumbershnickle?" Leon repeated. He was going to assume that Riku was referring to his slime mold, and just go from there. "You… eat it?" And here he was hoping that it was some sort of garnish that was just for show.

Riku sighed, rolling his eyes in exasperation. "Yeah, you eat it, dip-" He then paused, looking around the room as if worried that his mother was going to swoop in on him for cursing. "-shit." The teenager grabbed Sora then by the collar, pulling him back from Al-Cid. "Sora, you can't just go diving for food in people's crotches. Your namesake does that enough already." Riku scratched Sora behind the ears with both hands, and added as an offhanded explanation to Leon, as if it somehow made that comment any less disturbing, "Human Sora wanted my crotch jello on Sunday. I said no."

Leon was going to ask, but then it occurred to him that he probably really didn't want to know. Riku then turned his attention back to Leon, letting go of the dog (who promptly lunged for the spilled slime mold again.)

"… Dude, it my _mom's_ cumbershnickle. I'm depending on you to get me out of here, and you're insulting her cooking by feeding it to the dog?" Riku sounded genuinely upset by this for some reason. But Leon had never had a mother, and had no idea what it felt like to have one's mother's cooking being insulted, so he couldn't really judge Riku for it. But that wasn't enough to convince him to try it. Leon had had survival training, he knew better than to stick pulsating living…. fur into his mouth.

"Eat it," Riku growled when Leon made no move to pick up the fork that had been laid off to the side of his plate.

Leon shook his head and opened his mouth to respond with something along the lines of, "No way in damnation," when suddenly he found that his mouth was being invaded. By Riku. By Riku with Leon's fork. His mouth was being invaded by _cumbershnickle_ of all things, and Leon was preparing himself for a horrible experience that perhaps involved vomit, and most definitely involved punching Riku in the face. But then, something… unexpected dawned on him. Cumbershnickle, despite having about the same texture as a sponge tasted… like sweet potato. What was wrong with this world?

"It's good, right?" Riku asked with a smug look on his face, stabbing the fork back into the quivering mass on Leon's plate. Leon chose not to comment and was just grateful none of the adults were looking their way; he didn't want to explain why exactly a teenage boy was essentially spoon-feeding him. That might raise all the wrong questions, and then they would never get off this world.

"But anyways…" Riku continued as Leon was still struggling to recover, moving on from the food conversation as if he hadn't just violated another man's mouth with a fork, "you look… lost. And since my getting off of Destiny Islands depends on how well you can convince my mother to let me go, I'm helping you. Even though I don't like you." The teen set down the fork, crossed his arms, and laid them on the back of the chair as he continued to straddle it, throwing all proper table manners out the window.

"Occasionally, we all get together and have dinner," Riku tried to explain. "There are four of us. Families that is. The Barzahds," and Leon noted Riku's non-existent rolling of the R as he said it, "Mayor Loire and Kairi, the fon Ronsenburgs, and my family. The fon Ronsenburgs," and with that, he gestured back to where he had been seated before, where two boys that looked exactly alike, save for their haircuts, were sitting. "They're from the ex-Republic of what used to be Landis. It's an ex-Republic because it's no longer a republic after Arcadia decided they wanted it. Their dad was in the war with mine… so they moved down the block from me when Landis was taken over. Their dad is still back on the Mainland for now, but their mom," and Riku was now gesturing at the brunette woman sitting next to Riku's father, "she moved here with the kids. Noah is one of my best friends, but Basch is a douchebag. He's nice to me out of school… But during it? He used to shove me into lockers," Riku groaned, rocking back in his chair as he undoubtedly relived some horrible days from his youth. Leon picked up his fork and started to pick at his cumbershnickle while he waited.

"And you met my parents," Riku finally continued after he was finished having his… fit or whatever it was. "So moving on to Sora's… Our dads are best friends. And the two guys that came here with Sora's family are old family friends from the bouncer days. Dr. B. is pretty cool… He's a bit weird though. I think he got hit a few times too many times in the head while he was a bouncer. He's a dentist now, apparently it's his life's calling because after all the teeth he punched out as a bouncer, he figured he would put some back in or something equally batshit. I don't know, he's a cool guy, but he's totally weird. And his wife is even weirder," Riku grumbled, resting his chin on his folded arms. "My mom and her hate each other, since apparently there was some incident when I was younger and Sora and I nearly drowned each other during a bubble bath, and apparently it's still important. Which is why we stick them over there." He gestured towards the far end of the table where the two women were in the middle of a heated conversation of sorts. "Keeps the… insanity away from us. In all honesty though, I sort of think they are friends. They love bitching at each other, to the point where they will seek each other out just to argue. In any case, she's a Shinra, and she hates me now because I'm Sora's 'bad influence,' and I honestly think the only thing that has kept me from ending up in a body bag is the fact my mother would have her arrested immediately for it."

"… And also the fact that you're a teenage boy, and just because you're stupid doesn't mean you deserve death?" Leon added, because really, talk about overly dramatic. He had no idea what being a "Shinra" meant around here, but honestly, the way everyone acted about it made it sound like Sora was part of an evil mob-family that was set on world domination and destroying the planet (and turning people's girlfriends into panthers/cougars/cyborgs).

Riku rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "You've obviously never met a Shinra before."

"… Yes I have. I've met Sora. And he's so nice, it's actually physically painful."

Riku blinked, as if he had actually somehow forgotten that his best friend was an evil _Shinra_, and when he finally recovered from the shock, he mumbled back with a frown, "He doesn't count, he's only half Shinra."

"Well, technically, aren't all Shinras half Shinra?"

With that, Riku and Leon both turned to stare at Al-Cid, who had finally managed to extract Sora from his crotch.

Al-Cid adjusted his sunglasses and continued with that thick accent of his, "It's not like he's from North Island-" And then he stopped abruptly, and just looked at Riku, as if he was finally absorbing Riku's hair color and skunk lady genetics. "North Arcadia," he backtracked quickly, but not quickly enough as Riku's very North Islander eyes narrowed.

Riku didn't even address the slightly rude comment about his genetics. Instead, he seemed to realize that he didn't recognize the man who had just insulted his heritage. "… Who are you?"

"Al-Cid Margrace," the man introduced, and at Riku's blank stare, he added, "the Rozarrian exchange student?"

Riku blinked, before a look of dawning comprehension made its way across his face. "Ohhhh, yeah, you're a senior, right?" At Al-Cid's nod, Riku extended his hand, apparently all former hostility forgotten. "I think I remember seeing you around campus a few times this year. Well, welcome to Main Island. Who's hosting you?"

Al-Cid took Riku's hand and shook it. "Kairi," he promptly replied and then recoiled as Riku made an inhuman noise Leon had only previously associated with angry wet cats and ripped his hand away from Al-Cid's grip.

"You're staying with _Kairi_?" Riku growled, leering forward at Al-Cid over the back of his dining chair. It teetered dangerously on two legs, and Leon subtly scooted away with his cumbershnickle, so that way if Riku tipped his chair, at least he would take out just the table, and not Leon instead.

Suddenly, hands fell onto Leon's shoulders, gripping them tightly. Oh Hyne.

"My son!"

Crap. Next to him, Riku let out a small shriek, and lost balance with his chair, causing it to tip forward and crash into the table. Laguna continued on, ignoring Riku who had since disappeared underneath the table.

"My son is here to introduce himself and his new educational institute to you. His life has been full of misfortune and danger, but here he is today, a successful young man. Hoping that you will entrust him with educating the young talented minds of tomorrow." There was no stopping Laguna once he decided to monologue.

"When my wife was pregnant I was called away to… fight in the war against Arcadia. While I was away, my wife gave birth to my darling boy here. However, she died and left my son an apparent orphan. So he was taken away to a lighthouse by the sea where he could be raised in happiness until he was old enough to enroll in Gar-… A School for the Gifted." Well, technically, some of that wasn't complete bullshit. And Garden was sort of… gifted.

And Laguna continued, rubbing Leon's shoulders as he went. He needed to stop touching him. Now. "He lived there for many years until he was called away to help a princess run an election campaign to take down an Arcadian official. And then my son found himself running election campaigns for all kinds of people." Leon was in shock. Was 'election campaign' supposed to be some sort of euphemism for 'assassination?' "Along the way he travelled all over the world, made some friends, was reunited with me on a space station where he rescued his girlfriend, and then later he rescued her again from Cryo-Freeze."

Distantly, Leon was almost certain he heard Sora's father mutter, "Bet it was Shinra. They're always messing with people's girlfriends. Shinra, satellites, and cyborgs. They have a space station now? What's next? Supersoldiers?" Ruby Shinra rolled her eyes and smacked her husband on the arm, shushing him while Laguna continued his speech. "During all of this, he had some problems with time com… Management. But in the end, he saved the day. Along the way, he discovered that it was his education at a School for the Gifted that really aided him. And he discovered that it was his true calling to help other poor lost Gifted children find their way to their true potential. Which is why he is here, extending an invitation to the Gifted students of our future."

"Wait. So you're recruiting people to be X-Men?" Basch piped up from the other end of the table. An awkward silence followed as everyone just turned to look at him. And then it was broken.

"… _Nerrr-hhhhdddd_," spoken by a muffled voice under the table. Leon panicked for a moment, thinking that Sora had learned to talk, but he remembered-

"Riku, what are you doing down there?" Sora leaned over and ducked his head under the table. "Are you pulling a Sora and begging for food? I know you like cumbershnickle, but isn't this a bit extreme?"

"I'm not a nerd! I don't read comic books!" came a panicked yell from across the room, but everyone's attention was drawn away by Riku's father who just laughed and said as casually as could be, "Don't drop the cumbershnickle in your lap, Sora. Wouldn't want them fighting over it."

* * *

><p><span>AN: If you have never heard of the Bouncer, look it up. It makes Kingdom Hearts seem sensible in comparison.<span>

And if you're at all interested/curious, we got some comments in reviews that we can't really answer directly in the chapters (length of replies + ffnet's rules) so we're going to reply them on our tumblr instead over the next day or so (kh-spectrum . tumblr . com). Obviously updates have also slowed (school and writer's block). We have the whole thing outlined, but somedays you just don't feel funny.


	18. Chapt 4d The Countdown

AN: Sorry this took so long, but it's longer than usual to maybe make up for that? And it is officially out of the introduction phase, and the main plot starts next chapter.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4.4: The Urban Legend – The Countdown<strong>

**Wednesday – 4 ****Days until departing from Destiny Islands**

"Kairi... I feel like I am being watched."

"That's because you're a freak, Riku."

"No, Kairi... I think people are watching me from the lunch line."

And they were. Girls. Dozens of them. At first, he thought he had just imagined it. But soon it became clear _something_ was off when just walking down the halls to his classes resulted in explosions of giggles as he passed. What were they saying about him? Did he forget to zip up his fly? Was his shirt on backwards? He checked both, causing Kairi to stare at him in alarm.

"... I don't know what you are doing, but you need to stop."

"Kairi... they're staring at me."

"Because you're pawing at your crotch, Riku. Like a freak."

"… They were staring before I did that."

"Riku, you're being paranoid."

"No, I'm not. Look! Some of them are glaring now."

And he wasn't imagining that. The creepy blonde girl that sat behind him in English was most definitely glaring in his general direction. He wasn't paranoid and just to be sure it was directed at him, he checked behind him to make sure that Rasler wasn't lurking or something.

"Hey guys! What's up?"

Riku whirled around, nearly smacking Sora in the face with his lunch tray. "Sora, they're watching me."

Sora gave him a confused look after carefully taking a step back out of tray range. "... Who? ...Riku. There aren't any ducks around here. You're safe. It's okay."

"No, Sora. THEM," Riku growled, tilting his head towards the lunch line. He would have gestured more clearly, but he was terrified that by doing so, he might have provoked another giggle fest.

"... Them?" A look of dawning comprehension made its way across Sora's face. "... Do you mean _them_, Riku?"

"Yes, _them_."

Sora practically growled, eyes flitting around the room. Were teenage girls that offensive to him? For a moment, Riku's heart fluttered, maybe Sora didn't like girls, maybe they were gross, maybe he just needed a man in his life-

"The Organization, here?!"

_Oh no._

Sora's lunch tray went flying.

_Shit._

Sora's lunch tray landed on Reks' headand Sora was suddenly up on the table next to them. _Standing_ on top of it.

"Did he just do a back flip?" Riku heard from the lunch line.

But he was too distracted by the fact that Sora appeared to be- Oh no.

Would tackling Sora off the table be considered an overreaction? He hoped not, because he was already mid-jump (making sure to throw in a flip too, just so Sora wouldn't be outdoing him).

"Riku!" he vaguely heard Kairi protest as Sora shouted: "Alright Xemnas, it all ends here!"

And then Sora summoned the Keyblade. And apparently he had switched back to the Kingdom Key since he last assaulted Riku with his Keyblade on Monday, which was surprising right up until it slammed into Riku's knee.

Riku screamed, in a manly fashion, as he pulled Sora off the table, bringing them both crashing to the ground. Kairi was making some sort of embarrassed wheezing noise that sounded like a moan of despair crossed with a smothered laugh.

"What the hell was that?" a voice could be heard through the now silent lunchroom.

And just because it was feeling unhelpful, the Kingdom Key vanished in a puff of sparkle.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

The end of school was what Riku looked forward to from the moment he first set foot on campus every weekday morning. But today, the joy after hearing the bell ring had been short lived and extinguished by something _foul_.

He was still staring in horror at his open locker as the last of the folded pieces of paper and a... a... bra fell out onto the floor.

He screeched, leaping back to stare down at in horror. It was... pink. And frilly and, oh god, was this some new form of bullying?

Or even more horrifying, maybe Rasler wasn't kidding when he said his gay was contagious.

He picked it up by a single strap, holding it away from him while he desperately looked for somewhere to dispose of it. And then one of his teachers walked right past him. Riku jumped, hurriedly shoving the feminine accessory into the front pocket of his school shirt and waved nervously, causing Jeckt to stare while he walked around Riku in the hallway. Riku was fairly certain he heard the man mutter "Explains a lot," when he was a few feet away, but since Riku wasn't sure what that would explain, maybe he misheard him.

"… Riku. Is that a bra in your pocket?"

He whipped around, hands protectively covering his chest. "... No. No. I don't wear bras."

"…. Good?" Kairi was giving him a confused and somewhat disturbed look.

"... Kairi. It's not mine. I found it!" he tried to explain, turning to gesture at his locker.

"… So you're carrying it around in your pocket?" Kairi clarified, taking a slow step back.

"Kairi, it was in my _locker_!" For clarification, he removed both hands from his chest and swung the locker door closed, pointing at the narrow slots on its face. "I... _How_?" He pulled the bra out, trying to recreate the scene that must have occurred only a few hours before. It wouldn't fit. There was no way it could fit through those.

"… Why was it in your locker?" Kairi asked, face now one of horror.

He gave up trying to force the bra through the slots and handed it to Kairi instead. She could handle it, she had boobs. "I... don't know." He bent down to pick up some of the notes that had fallen out too. "... These were also in there."

"…. Why?" Kairi asked, stuffing the bra into Riku's back pocket before reaching down to pick up one of the notes.

He pushed the notes at Kairi. "... You read it." It was probably from Rasler and company, making more "Princess Court" (whatever the hell that meant) jokes, princess bras included.

Kairi opened one, appalled when flower petals fell out. And then even more appalled when she read the first line. "Oh my god."

Great, they were probably telling him to put on the bra. "I hate this island," Riku grit out, opening his locker to pull out the rest of his things he would need for homework. "I'm not wearing that thing!"

"What?" Kairi jerked her gaze away from the horrifically composed line about Riku's eyes (even worse was the previous couplet about his ass). "Wear the bra?"

"No, I'm not wearing a bra!" Riku growled. "I'm so sick of everyone picking on Rod-boy! Just because Ansem was a freak and liked to play dress up does not make me a cross dresser!" He could hear someone behind him pause and in his irritation he whipped around, standing up tall and looking as intimidating as he could manage with a pink frilly bra in his back pocket.

Sora stared at him, wide-eyed, clutching his partial differential equations textbook to his chest.

Riku's face went pale. "... Hey, Sora. How... how are you?" _Don't ask about the bra, don't ask about the bra._

"…. Riku?" Sora asked slowly, tentatively. "Why is there a bra in your pocket? Are you… Are you trying to say something?"

A horrible thought occurred to Riku as he tried to come up with some sort of explanation for the frills and the pink. This could crush his already nonexistent chance of being with Sora. He needed to act fast. Maybe he acted too fast as the first thing he blurted out was: "I didn't sleep with anyone, I swear!"

Sora's eyes shifted to Kairi, searching for some sort of explanation but she seemed to be staring in shock as well. "Oh-h?"

"... Locker," Riku muttered, still in a stunned stupor as his brain caught up to his mouth. "... It was in my locker."

"… You keep bras in your locker?"

"No! Someone put it there! Kairi," Riku looked over desperately at her for help. "Explain?"

"I don't have an explanation," Kairi answered with a hiss.

"The- The notes! The ones telling me to wear it!" Riku pointed at them. "It's people just being jerks, Sora. Not me. It's not mine."

"… Why would they give you a bra?" Sora asked, eyes shifting to Riku's locker.

"Because people suck," Riku growled, pulling the bra out and shoving it at Sora. "_Look_ at it. What is wrong with these people?"

Sora took a huge step back, raising his book up like a shield. "Wait… how did they get it _into_ your locker."

"... I have no idea. They must have my locker combination..." Was nothing sacred anymore?

"But… but wouldn't they just tape it to the door if they wanted to be really mean?" Sora started to sense something was wrong with this. "Why… why give you a bra?"

"Uhm… Riku… maybe you should read the notes?" Kairi suggested, holding one out to him.

Riku took the note, handing her the frilly pink bra in exchange. He sighed and opened it up, taking a moment to read through the... Was this supposed to be poetry? He had the vague feeling that it was supposed to be confessing attraction of some sort. But it was hard to tell with all the metaphors. His "aqua rapids" eyes shifted back towards Kairi and Sora, who were both looking at him expectantly. "I... think Rasler's cracked, Kairi."

"… Riku… it's not from Rasler," Kairi tried to break the news to him as gently as possible.

"... Then who?" He passed the note off to Sora, who had been trying to lean over to read it.

"They signed their name on the bottom, Riku," Kairi reached out to point. "Seriously, did you get stuck when they started describing your 'rippling pectorals'?"

"Who is Mary-Ann Susan?" Sora said in confusion, holding the note very close to his face, as if that would somehow make this all make sense.

"... What? You mean... It's from a ... girl?"

"I think the bra would have been a hint, Riku."

"... Wait. Does that mean it's been worn?" He practically leaped back from Kairi, just in case she decided to return it to him. "Aghhhhnnnhhhh- No. No. _No_."

"But why would they give you a bra?" Sora wailed.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Leon's suspicions that he hadn't quite convinced anyone's parents to entrust him with the gifted children of tomorrow after yesterday's "family dinner" were found to be true during his Wednesday visit to the residence of Leithe and Soughts. Mrs. Soughts continued to look at him like he was a criminal, and Mr. Leithe just seemed to go along with whatever his wife wanted. When the married couple retreated to discuss the topic of their son's schooling alone, Riku gazed at Leon like he had been betrayed.

"I _need_ to get off this island, and you can't even convince my mother to send me to an elite and _free_ private school? Seriously?"

"The elite private schools I am used to promoting were ones that educated the youth in murder and espionage. I am out of practice."

"… How can you be out of practice? Lying is a lifelong effort. Why do you think I can't lie?" Riku growled out. "I've been traumatized since birth by my mother."

"I've been king. I don't really have to lie?" Leon shrugged. "I'm used to people obeying my orders."

"Well, this is Destiny Islands, we don't have kings. We aren't like the _Mainlanders_," Riku hissed, giving Leon a very deranged expression. What was it with these people? Were they all ... islandist? Mainlandist? Racist? This world, for all the fact that it looked like a tropical paradise under the sun, it was almost as screwed up as his homeworld (his first homeworld).

"Yeah. Got it?" Leon leaned back slightly. "Why don't _you_ try convincing your mother that you need to go?"

Riku gaped at Leon as if he had just proposed. "... What part of 'I can't lie' didn't you understand? She'll eat me _alive_."

"You're not lying if you say 'I want to go'."

"But my reasons for why I should go are lies. How can I convince anyone without at least arguing my point?"

"The trick to lying is to _tell the truth_." Leon realized that logic was a bit backwards. "What I mean is you want to go because it's something you need to do. You want to go with Sora. You want to go because you feel like your development is stunted here."

Riku looked at him with wide eyes at him as if he had just explained the wonders of the universe. However, before he was able to come out of his stunned stupor and respond to Leon's statement, his mother and father reentered the room.

Leon had the feeling he'd just rocked Riku's tiny mind. He gave him a concerned look before giving Mrs. Soughts a smile. "Riku was telling me why he wants to attend my school."

Mrs. Soughts just looked at him. And Leon felt very uncomfortable with this. "... Oh, was he? Then why is he making that face? Honey, you can... stop that now."

"He's having a cathartic revelation about his world view," Leon explained, giving Riku a mildly concerned glance. "Something that we encourage."

"... Son," Riku's father started and took a deep breath as he prepared to start what Leon presumed would turn into a long ramble somehow involving ducks, warfare, and Riku's baby pictures. And that apparently was enough to break Riku out of his stunned silence.

Riku's eyes went wide and he burst out with, "I have no friends!"

An awkward silence followed. So much for teaching Riku to lie.

"I have no friends," he said again, averting his eyes down towards his feet. "Before I was Rod-Boy Riku, I was just Loser Kid Riku. The only difference now is that everyone thinks I have STDS and am damaged as well as just being a loser. I mean... people think Sora's a loser too, but at least he gets along with everyone, and everyone likes him."

Riku showed no signs of slowing down. "I know all kids hate school... But I really hate it. I built a raft out of driftwood during my free time just so I could imagine sailing away on it, that's how much I hate school. It's not the classes, or the teachers... It's my classmates. Just this week," Riku frowned, crossing his arms across his chest, still avoiding eye contact with any of them, "I'm apparently 'so gay it's contagious', a 'Princess', and I had a _bra_ stuffed in my locker. You don't get much lower than that... And it's only Wednesday."

Riku paused, falling silent for a moment. "I'm sick of it. I know you love me, and I know you want me to stay here, but I need a break from everyone... So can I please go?"

Leon wasn't sure where Riku was coming up with this, but it was a pretty fantastic lie. Tapped into parental fears about teenage problems, while not overdoing them too excessively. He gave Riku an encouraging smile.

Riku's mother and father exchanged a look. A look that conveyed everything Leon had been hoping for. Guilt, lots of guilt. Guilt meant that Riku's little speech had done its trick; his speech was so depressing that it would make even the best parents cave in an attempt to make their darling happy. So it was no surprise when Riku's mother finally sighed and just said, "... I'll talk about it with your father, but if you really think you'll be happy there, you can probably go."

Leon did not grin. He kept that inside. He did smile fondly and proudly and hoped it looked affectionate. And not creepy.

Riku nodded, looking equal parts shocked that his parents were bending to his will and that his mother hadn't grounded him for all eternity for his most heinous of lies. When his parents walked off, presumably to discuss this matter one last time, Leon turned back to Riku. "... What happened? I've seen you lie before, and it was _painful_. What was _that_ you just said to your parents? That was practically a work of art. It was... perfect."

"... You said the best way to lie was to tell the truth."

"…"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Thursday – 3 ****Days until departing from Destiny Islands**

"Heyyyyyy, Riku."

Riku had a feeling this was going to be a bad day from the moment he woke up this morning. Initially, he dismissed it because most of his days ended up being bad, but right now, his fears were being realized. A girl. A _girl_ was talking to him while leaning against his locker.

"So... uhm..." She was twisting her hands in her skirt, trying to look at him through her lashes, which just made her look confused. "Do you have a date for Homecoming?"

"... Uh, yeah I do?" he half stated, half asked in confusion, wondering if this was all part of some new "make fun of poor eternally single Riku" joke that he was once again the butt of.

Her face fell and he felt a swell of victory. Maybe he'd managed to get ahead of the prank. "Oh. Who?"

"... Kairi," he said after a careful pause. He shuffled to the side, trying to see if there was a way to extract his books without any unwanted bodily contact. It was a girl after all, all contact was unwanted.

"Oh." Riku shifted uncomfortably while the girl gave the empty space towards his feet a look that could peel paint. "I thought _she_ was going out with that Vaan guy?"

"Uh..." Riku winced slightly because he didn't know what Vaan really had to do with this, since Kairi had asked him after all. "Well... she said we were going, so..."

"... She asked you?" More ugly looks, and Riku was preparing to edge away and perhaps send Kairi a text message warning her that this girl wanted something from him, and Kairi seemed to be in the way of it. It then hit him that this girl wanted to... ask him to Homecoming. Oh fuck, why was this happening to him?

"It's date night?" he tried to explain.

The girl just turned away and walked off without another word, leaving Riku standing there dumbly as he watched her go.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"Riku... I feel like I am being watched"

"That's because you're a freak, Kairi."

"No Riku... people are watching me from the lunch line."

And they were. Girls. And they all seemed to be glaring at her.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

The end of school was what Kairi looked forward to from the moment she first had to deal with Sora and Riku at lunch. But today, the joy after hearing the bell ring had been short lived and extinguished by something... disturbing.

She was still staring in horror at her open locker as a few folded pieces of paper and a... a... doll fell out onto the floor.

She's never received gifts or creepy dolls before so she wasn't exactly certain what to do. But she knelt down and picked up the doll. And promptly dropped it again with a little scream.

It... looked familiar. As she bent down to just stare at it, the similarities continued to sink in until, with a horrible feeling, she realized that there were probably approximately ten people on Main Island with her hair color, and she was the only natural one.

"… Is that a voodoo doll?"

Kairi jumped up flailing and smacked Riku a bit too close to his balls for either of their personal comfort.

Riku let out a hiss of alarm and immediately leapt back, bringing his hands down in an attempt to shield his testicles from more physical trauma than they had already endured this last week. He stared at her, and then back to the doll after checking himself for damage (much to Kairi's discomfort). "Kairi, be careful, a man can only handle so much."

Kairi just took a step away before looking back at the doll on the ground. "… I … what? First you get bras in your locker and then I get voodoo dolls. What's next? You send Sora a love poem?"

Riku froze, face stiff while he looked at anywhere but her. At first, Kairi thought Riku was reacting that way because he would never willingly admit that he found Sora attractive, let alone that he was _obsessed_ with him. But then she realized...

"... Really? You sent him a letter? Why isn't he going with you then?"

"Leon intercepted it," Riku whined and Kairi immediately felt sorry for her adopted brother.

"... Oh." That was all she was able to bring herself to say. "I'm sorry...?" She bent down to pick up the doll again.

Riku leaned over her shoulder, grumbling something about "Stupid Leon" when he just trailed off, mid-bitching. "... Kairi. I think it really _is_ a voodoo doll. Where is its _heart_?"

Kairi looked down at the voodoo doll and sure enough, the heart was missing. "I don't…" for some insane reason Kairi looked around for it, as if expecting to find it. And then she did. Nailed to the door of her locker by a pin in the corkboard she had hung up inside.

Riku seemed to notice it about the same time she did because she heard him let out a somewhat unmanly screamlet and he leapt back from her locker. "You need to get rid of that Kairi! That is serious stuff! Don't... get that near me." He pointed at the doll she was still holding.

Kairi turned to roll her eyes at him. "You are afraid of a doll?"

Riku continued to back away from her. "A doll? Kairi, that isn't a _doll_. My... my grandma. She's... She makes stuff like that. I've seen what it can do." His voice dropped to nearly a whisper, his eyes staring at her widely. "Last time I went to visit, she had one of me..."

Kairi raised an eyebrow and held the doll out in his direction. He immediately leapt backwards again, taking out the trashcan that happened to be unfortunate enough to be caught in his path. "Riku. Yes, it's creepy, but really?"

Riku just whimpered at her, eyes wide with fear. Kairi rolled her eyes and moved to throw the doll away.

She could feel Riku's eyes on her the whole time as she extracted the doll's heart from her locker and threw it and the doll into the trashcan Riku had almost knocked over. She then bent down to pick up the notes that had fallen out of the locker.

"What are those?" Riku made no move to get closer and Kairi just rolled her eyes.

"I don't know…" She opened the first one and stared at it in horror.

Riku leaned in, feet still rooted to the same spot. To Kairi's extreme annoyance, he was so tall that he almost managed to be able to read the note just by carefully teetering forward halfway across the hall. Almost. He was forced to edge closer (obviously a bit braver now that Kairi's "curse" was in the trashcan).

"... What does it say?"

"I think it's… hate mail?" Kairi offered. "Though… I am a bit confused as they don't seem to be in agreement. This one is angry I asked you to Homecoming because she wants your 'aqua eyes' all to herself and this one is angry I asked you to Homecoming because I 'broke Sora's heart' and this one… just hates me."

"... I don't get it," Riku finally said after a long, long pause. "Are all girls this complicated?"

Kairi gave him a look. "You forgot I'm a girl again, didn't you?"

"You don't count as a girl, Kairi," Riku dismissed with an eye roll. Kairi had to bite back a remark about how it now made sense that Riku accepted her Homecoming invitation.

"… Kairi… is that… a doll?" Sora had finally decided to appear, eyes wide and confused as he looked down at the remains of the trashcan. "Why… why does it look like you?"

"Because Kairi is a heartless bitch," Riku replied flatly, cautiously peering at the remains of her doll. "See, her heart is right there."

Sora made a horrified face. "But… But Kairi is a Princess of Heart! One of the purest hearts in all the worlds."

"Yeah. Apparently, even though I don't believe it. I can buy the princess part, but pure of heart?" Riku teased, and Kairi responded by throwing at him what she was assuming was another part of the doll, a small severed felt hand laying on her books in her locker. Riku's shriek of terror made the slight guilt she felt totally worth it.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Leon wasn't certain how he got roped into dog walking. His only comfort was that he wasn't dog walking alone. Riku was actually the one holding the animal's leash and Cloud trailed along after them, getting distracted by flowers. "Why are we walking the dog again?"

"Because Sora is in therapy because his mom thinks he's crazy. And he's also trying to see if he can convince his mom that your fake school is a good idea." Riku stopped abruptly in front of Leon, almost causing him to walk straight into the teen. "Sora," Riku groaned in exasperation, staring down the leash at the golden retriever, "Do you have to pee on every bush?"

"Can we stop calling the dog Sora?" Leon asked, getting slowly unnerved by the whole situation. There were too many living things with the same name and one of them was doing things that were socially unacceptable for a human.

Riku stared blankly at him as if Leon had just suggested Riku should strip naked and do a hula dance. "... What else are we supposed to call him then? It's his name."

"No no bad dog?" Leon offered, trying to remember how Rinoa chastised Angelo.

"... But he isn't being bad, he just likes to pee," Riku protested, nudging Sora with his knee in an attempt to get the dog walking again. "Sora. Come on, you've already dealt with that bush. It's yours. But anyway... You better hope Sora has better luck today than he did last night. Apparently his mom was alright with the idea of a fancy school for her darling... Until she found out I was going too."

"… I don't understand," Leon said after a moment, looking away from Sora to give the puppy some privacy. "You going is a bad thing?"

Riku let out a sigh of relief as Sora started to walk again. "Didn't you catch on from dinner? Sora's mom hates me. Thinks I'm," Riku had to partially turn in order to properly convey his eye roll to Leon, "his bad influence. Please. We all know that's _Kairi_. Trying to get him to steal my raft. _Women_," Riku cursed.

Leon was fairly certain he missed something so he just smiled vaguely. "Doesn't explain why she lets you walk the family dog."

Sora paused to sniff some flowers and Riku stopped while he waited, leaning up against a tree next to the sidewalk. "... Oh trust me, dog walker isn't an honorable position where Mrs. Ruby Shinra comes from."

"… So she's punishing you… by making you go over to your best friend's house and allowing you to play with a puppy?"

"... I've never thought of it that way. Well, I don't mind it, but I won't let her know that. If she thinks I'm having fun, she'll probably never let me over again," Riku grumbled, giving Sora a small tug with the leash. "But whatever... that doesn't matter. My parents were easy, Dr. B. is easy too. But Mrs. Shinra? We're never going to get off this island..."

"What do you suggest we do then?" Leon asked, watching the puppy tumble over.

"... Kidnap him."

"… Okay."

Riku turned to stare at him in horror. "Dude, that was a joke. Do you know what would happen if we kidnapped him? Dr. B. would come after us. And punch the cavities right out of us, along with our teeth, with his _brass knuckles_. Have you ever been hit with those before? It hurts..."

"Actually, yes I have," Leon shrugged, before turning to look at Riku. "… have you ever been punched by brass knuckles?"

"..." Riku fidgeted awkwardly. "... Sora. I was ten, and we were at his house. He 'fake' punched me... I got my front _teeth_ knocked out."

"…"

"... I know. He's going to be the death of me," Riku mumbled under his breath before nudging Sora with his foot. "Come on, we're going to miss Sora1 coming home if you keep this up."

"You call the original Sora 'Sora1'?"

"... You would too if Sora1 told you 'Sora peed on the couch' and didn't specify which one."

"… Fair."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Sora was waiting for them on the front porch, looking very tense and upon reaching Sora's front yard, the brunet walked (instead of his usual bouncing) out to the curb, his arms crossed, and his usual smile nowhere in sight.

"… Mom still says no," he moaned, looking more depressed than Leon had ever seen him. It was unnerving, seeing Sora not smiling like a moron, and Leon made a mental note that no matter annoying Sora's annoying grin was, it was better than Sora1 looking like someone had just kicked Sora2.

Sora1 bent down to greet Sora2 (and Leon was starting to understand why Riku referred to them by their respective numbers since it made this entire process much less confusing), and after the dog had finished giving him many overly slobbery puppy kisses, he looked up accusingly at Riku. "… You should have let me convince my mom before you went and made your mom cry, Riku."

Riku made an odd noise that sounded like the weird melding of what was the start of a protest and a honk. Sora and Sora both stared at him alarm, before Sora2 started to bite at his wrist, as if wanting to save him from whatever demon (which in this case was puberty) had possessed him to garble out that voice crack.

Riku seemed to be in shock too for he just let the dog gnaw on him for a few seconds before trying again. "I didn't make my mom cry, Sora. And it's not my fault you can't make _your_ mom cry and let you go with us."

"No Riku, I did make my mom cry. But not because she felt moved, but because I'm being 'selfish' for wanting to go…"

Riku was attempting to detach Sora from his wristwatch when he made another noise of protest, a much more manly and less cracky one than before. "It's not selfish, Sora. It's our destiny to go to this school. We're Keyblade Masters. And there's only three of us because Roxas doesn't count, and one of those three is a mutant rodent."

"Actually, I think we're technically only bearers, I think in order to be Masters, we have to take a test."

Riku scoffed, sliding Sora's jaws off of him finally. "Please. When there's like only three of us, who's going to judge whether or not we're Masters? Mickey?"

"… Yen Sid might."

A new voice. Apparently Cloud had rejoined them after taking his sweet, sweet time sniffing the roses or whatever he was doing. And possibly going through Sora's mail. Leon stared in horror before snatching the stack of envelopes from him.

"What are you doing, do you want us to get arrested?" Leon growled, shoving the mail at Sora before Mrs. Ruby Shinra looked out her window and had them arrested by Riku's mom for mail theft.

Cloud rolled his eyes, as if Leon was the one being a freak in this situation. "I was getting Sora's mail for him... Stop overreacting."

Sora held up an envelope, looking mildly concerned. "... Why is this one open?"

"Because it had coupons in it," Cloud replied in a deadpan, as if it were normal practice to go extreme couponing through stranger's mail.

"..." Sora held the rest of his mail protectively against his chest.

"Your mom obviously doesn't need them," Cloud gestured to the large house Sora called home.

"… What's that supposed to mean?" Sora turned to look at his home, confused.

"What exactly does your mother do?" Leon asked, looking up at the two story monstrosity as well.

"She's a CEO of the local branch of the family business."

"And what is the family business?" _Murder? Because I made money like this when I was a professional hitman._

"Well, My mom says that it is a power company. My dad says it is an evil corporation hell bent on world domination."

_Can't it be both?_

Cloud meanwhile had taken his coupons and sat down on the steps, looking at them and sorting them in some order that only made sense to him.

Sora stepped up to Leon, lowering his voice. "So… Does Cloud seem a bit… Different to you?"

"… Different how?" Cloud was acting exactly the same way he had for the last several months.

"You know…" Sora tried again, looking sort of pained. "Like… Before he was kind of moody and now he's just…" Sora looked over at where Cloud was staring at an upside down coupon. "Different."

"Oh, you mean stupid?" Leon clarified. Sora looked horrified.

"I didn't mean… well yeah," Sora finished, defeated.

"… You don't know the whole story of Cloud do you?" Leon asked, glancing over at Cloud.

"Well I know Sephiroth is his inner darkness, whatever that means."

"It means that when he got split, it also kind of split everything including his brain…" Leon started to explain.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"You have done this before, right?"

"... We're still working out the kinks, but yes. We have."

"And this will get rid of my inner darkness right?" Cloud looked around the huge sterile looking lab before giving the blonde man across the table from him a concerned look. "Wait. Kinks?"

"Oh... You know," the man dismissed with a small shrug, "it's still in the experimental phase. But that's nothing to worry about. It just means you'll have to sign these before we can start." And the blond man was then pushing a small stack of papers at Cloud.

"Wait, who did you do this to before? What happened to them?" Cloud looked down at the pile nervously.

"Oh, it was a volunteer... He was fine, but there were some... complications," the blond man shrugged again without elaborating further.

"Complications?" Cloud was horrified. What was wrong with these people? This should be in the large print not the 'sign on the dotted line' print.

"You'll be fine, this was back a year ago, before we required our customers to take a psych evaluation. If we had, we would have discovered that he was at heart a... a poet."

"… A poet?"

"... Ever heard of Loveless?" At Cloud's blank stare of confusion, Blond Man handed Cloud a pen. "Sign."

Cloud signed but he was very uncertain about this whole thing. He followed the man into the next room where he was lead to a chair. Covered in straps. "Uhm."

"Oh, it's just a precaution," the man reassured, helpfully and very disturbingly holding the straps out so Cloud could sit down without getting tangled in them.

"Precaution against what?" Cloud asked as he sat down and looked up. "What is _that_?"

A red-headed assistant came to help strap Cloud into the chair as Blond Man retreated out of the room and behind the large glass window looking into the lab. He looked up when Cloud continued to stare up at the ceiling and the gigantic, metal... thing hanging from it. "The laser? Don't worry. It's perfectly safe... It has a 1 in 10,000 failure rate," his voice came through the intercom into the room Cloud was in.

"What happens to the one?" Cloud asked, voice cracking.

The assistant then tried to stick something into his mouth. Cloud was too much in shock to protest or fight back, especially when the assistant explained, "It's to stop you from biting through your tongue," and then slapped Cloud on the shoulder in some sort of gesture of encouragement before leaving the room himself to join the blond man.

Cloud stared after him in shock before he looked across from him, finally noticing the empty chair facing him.

"Oh... It's still experimental, you see," the voice on the intercom explained to him about his previous question, as if that was any sort of comfort, as the machine above him started to turn and extend downwards.

And then it turned on.

A bright flash of light, a tiny bit of pain, and then…

"Good to see you, Cloud."

Holy Kingdom Hearts. There was a man with long silver hair in the chair across from him.

Cloud blinked, thinking that maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him, since it was still hard to see after that flash going off... But it was still here. He began to panic, pulling at the straps on his chair as a horrible realization finally hit him. He was the 1 in 10,000. His brain was fried, and he was hallucinating.

And then the man sprouted a wing. One wing. A Single Giant Wing. It was like… He was like a demented lopsided One Winged Angel. And then he took off, straight upward, through the skylight.

An awkward silence followed. One that was only broken when Cloud, bound to a chair and gagged, started to scream.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" he tried to articulate around his gag. But the blond man and his redhead assistant were staring up at the shattered skylight as well.

Two hours later, Cloud Strife was being escorted off the premises, clutching a goody-bag filled with bandages, pens, and all sorts of various SHINRA emblazoned items in shell-shocked silence. He stared at the business card he had been handed after being reminded that he signed a waiver, so he couldn't sue.

"Rufus Shinra?" He asked, looking up at the man.

The blond grinned as the red-head named "Reno" slapped him on the back and said, "Just bring him back and we'll pop him right back in" before shoving Cloud out the door.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"… And I guess you could say that it wasn't a smart decision to begin with, being split up like that. And after he went off to fight Sephiroth, things turned bad. He wasn't doing so great before, but at least he was smart. It was in the fine print. You and your 'SOLDIER,' whatever that means, share a lot of things… Including one intelligence. And Cloud isn't on the good side of the deal anymore."

Sora listened in silence, and after Leon was done, he sighed deeply in exasperation. "... And that's why you don't sign anything without reading the fine print. Come on, it was the first thing my mom taught me."

"… You know contract law?" Leon was slightly impressed. They didn't teach that to SeeD cadets until they were 14 but generally normal people didn't do that.

"Dude, my mom read me her company's contracts as bedtime stories," Sora said with an eye roll, extending his hand to take Sora's leash from Riku.

"… Huh…" Leon had honestly never considered that approach. "Do you want us to come inside?"

Sora frowned, biting his lower lip in thought before he sighed and shook his head. "Naw, my mom's mad at me, and seeing Riku's face will just make it worse."

"What? Why?" Riku whined.

"Because she doesn't like you, remember?" Sora offered apologetically before following it up with a one armed hug. "It's not because you're ugly or something, okay?" he continued, as if this was supposed to be encouraging. "I'll see you tomorrow at school?"

Riku looked crushed as Sora1 and Sora2 skipped happily into the house.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Friday – 2 ****Days until departing from Destiny Islands**

"So... Mom still says no," Sora whined as opened his locker during lunch. The locker that now he and Riku shared. After that batch of notes and the _bra_ Riku found in his locker Wednesday, Riku had begged Sora to let him use his locker for the total of two days they had left.

"Well, you're still going to go... right? We're leaving Sunday, so you better figure it out."

"Of course I'm going to go!" Sora said with a sigh of exasperation. He shoved his books into the locker, and took a step back so Riku could drop off what he didn't need anymore. "But I can't just disappear!"

Riku shrugged as he stepped up. "Leave a note?" he offered, and Sora didn't even have time to protest how _stupid_ that idea was as they were suddenly interrupted by-

"Hey, Bean Curd!"

Sora could practically feel Riku wince next to him. And then Riku vanished from his field of vision.

BAM

Sora whipped around in horror to see Riku colliding with his open locker. And even more to his surprise, Riku hadn't done this to himself (as far as he could tell).

"Basch!" Riku shrieked, peeling himself away from the locker and stomping towards Captain Basch fon Ronsenburg of the Blitzball team in a fury. "What was that for?!"

Basch raised an eyebrow. "What? I thought you'd go into the locker, not my fault you're too fat and just bounced off it."

Riku growled and jabbed a finger at Basch's chest. "I'm not fat! I'm tall! There is a difference! You shouldn't talk either, since your fat ass landed me in the hospital!"

Sora edged backwards, trying to pretend to be as small as possible. And then it occurred to him that maybe he should stand up straight and fat since he wasn't tall, so Basch wouldn't try to fit him in enclosed spaces either.

"Come on, it wasn't that bad, you're alive and walking again." And then Basch straightened up, making even Riku seem small in comparison. "I'll be seeing you later. You're not going to your special school without a sendoff from me, Tofu."

Riku snorted, and with an eye roll, turned around. "Whatever, Basch. Just don't sit on me again. I might not survive it."

Basch seemed stunned by Riku's response, and Sora felt an odd flutter of... pride. Riku had a good comeback for once. He wished Kairi could have been there to see it with him.

And then Riku went stumbling forward into Sora as Basch gave him a small push as he walked away.

"... Are you going to get jumped?" Sora finally asked as Riku backed up and apologized repeatedly.

Riku scoffed. "... He's all talk. I think he's just upset that I'm escaping his clutches."

They both straightened their clothes, and Sora closed his locker before anything else happened. "So…" he said slowly, looking at Riku with a small smile, "Do you wanna hang out after school today?"

Riku didn't answer him at first, causing Sora's mood to plummet. So much for hanging out before they had to leave the Islands…

"… Sorry, I've got a lot of chores. My mom… I think I should try to help out before I leave."

Riku avoided eye contact and Sora didn't bother to push the matter any farther.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

"... What is this place?"

"I don't know, Cloud… But I feel like we bought enough laundry detergent to last me for the next three years."

"... Apparently you can buy cars here. And motorcycles. And trees. What is this place?"

"... Is that a coffin?"

"... I think it is... I don't like this. "

"... Is that free food?"

Kairi watched Cloud and Leon squabble over the food samples. She thought taking them to Costco for their journey would be a good idea, given they were men and their idea of preparing was buying three kitkats and a twizzler.

Apparently they didn't have places like this back in Radiant Garden. Kairi wouldn't know, considering she didn't remember ever living there as a child, and she never got to explore it with Sora or Riku as a teenager.

Leon kept glancing over at her in between arguments with Cloud about the acceptable number of bagel bites. It was making her nervous and kind of sad. Because they were buying for four men and they weren't very good at predicting. Even with four men that was simply too much food.

Kairi was considering also commenting on the fact that bagel bites were not, and would never be part of a complete diet, but she then remembered the two of them were going to be traveling with Sora and Riku, and Riku got cranky without his daily junk food dose. But still... "You guys? I know it's a good deal, but don't you think you're getting a bit...too much food?"

"Not for five people," Leon answered, dropping another box on their loading cart.

"... Who's person number five?" Kairi asked after a pause where she mentally went through all the people she knew that would be worth taking on an adventure in a jello ship through space. She had... no one. So it was probably someone Sora and Riku met on their journeys throughout the known worlds.

"Cloud, Riku, Sora, you, and me," Leon counted off on his fingers. And then he turned to look at her. "Unless you don't want to come?"

Kairi was certain Leon had misspoken. Or maybe misunderstood her abilities. "But I don't have a Keyblade." She wished she did. However she was able to hold Riku's though without it vanishing, which gave her hope that maybe one day it would appear to her too.

"Neither do I," Leon shrugged. "Besides who needs a mystical weapon when your weapon can kill everything?"

"I don't have a weapon," which was technically true... _Why am I arguing with him? He'll just change his mind if I keep this up._

"Your father is Laguna," Leon still looked mildly perturbed every time he said their father's name. "You probably have about 30 weapons."

"... They're not _mine_ exactly..." she worded carefully. "I just know how to use them."

"Laguna said you can take the crossbow."

"… Then I'm in."

They left five hours later.

"... Where are we even going to put all of this on the gummi ship?"

"Does it matter, Cloud?"

"... Sora and Riku can sleep on the couch. Sora's used to it after all. Kairi can take their bedroom instead."

"... Good idea, Cloud."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Sora hesitated on Riku's doorstep before he pressed the doorbell. Riku might be busy with housework, but that didn't mean that Sora couldn't drop in. He could even help... It was one of their last nights on Destiny Islands, and Sora had even managed to lie to his mom about his whereabouts (he just hoped she didn't call Kairi's to check his story). He wasn't going to let one last chance to hang out with his best friend at home go to waste.

Riku's mother opened the door, looking down at him in confusion. "Hello Sora. Are you here for the party too?"

... Riku threw parties to clean?

"... No?" he replied in confusion, fidgeting awkwardly while standing on the doormat. "I'm here to say hi to Riku."

"Okay sweetie," Riku's mom gave him a concerned look but stepped to the side. "He's in the living room with the others."

Other people showed up to help Riku clean? Sora stepped past her, giving her a confused shrug while he contemplated how many people would show up randomly to help clean too considering Riku's friend list was about... four, and one of them was a mouse.

He heard laughter though, so unless Riku finally snapped, other people were involved.

And then he came to the living room. No one was cleaning in the living room. "… Riku?" he asked, voice strangled.

Riku whipped around, eyes wide like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. And he wasn't alone.

"You ditched _me_ to hang out with _Basch_?!" Sora asked, eyes darting between the people in the room.

Riku stared at Sora, leaning to the side while he sat next to the coffee table in an attempt to hide the incriminating evidence of... Sora wasn't quite sure. Dinosaurs, that was all he could really understand. Dinosaur models were scattered on the coffee table with paint and brushes lying on it too, which was confusing all on its own. And Basch. Basch looked uneasy too, trying to shrink back and hide behind his twin brother, but that was rather hard considering Basch was the size of a gorilla and proportioned pretty much the same way as well.

"Psh…. That… That's not Basch," Riku stammered out. "That's Noah."

Sora seethed. So this is what Riku must have felt like when he thought Sora valued a talking dog's and duck's companionship more than a lifetime's worth of friendship. Except unlike Riku, Sora had never had to deal with sharing his best friend before and Sora was mature enough not to run away with the first creepy green woman he met and start kidnapping princesses. Sora was mature, he had this under control, he was cool and-

"But Noah's right there!" he wailed, pointing directly at Basch's identical twin.

Riku appeared to flail for a moment, arms flapping around. Noah and Basch looked at each other awkwardly before turning back at their dinosaurs.

"It's not what it looks like!" Riku finally blurted out in a panic, scrambling to his feet in an attempt to calm Sora down. But it was all over when Sora saw the sleeping bags.

"You ditched me for a _sleepover_ with _Basch_?" A dinosaur sleepover nonetheless. "Is this what Basch meant when he said he'd see you off!? I was worried because I thought he was going to beat you up!"

"It's not what it looks like!" Riku repeated. "We were trying to fix it… There weren't any feathers!"

Sora continued to glare as Riku began to gesture at the coffee table. "Well, duh, Riku. It's a dinosaur. Not a duck."

Riku's slight flinch at the mention of his dreaded "enemy" did not go unnoticed by Sora.

"Actually, the velociraptor in this set should have feathers-"Basch started before Noah elbowed him in the side.

And then the truth hit him. Riku... liked dinosaurs? No, Riku made fun of him when he was eight for liking dinosaurs when Sora got a T-Rex for Christmas ("Jeeze Sora, there's no such thing as Santa, stop being such a kid, it's just a stupid dinosaur. From your _parents_."). Sora took a step back, feeling as if the entire foundation of their friendship had been shaken. The way he felt it was as if-

"You've been lying to me this whole time, haven't you? What happened to 'dinosaurs are for kids, Sora'?" he accused, pointing a finger directly at Riku. "And you," next was Noah, "I don't really know you, but I thought you were a cool guy! And here you are, sneaking around behind my back with my best friend!" He was going to accuse Basch of also being a friend-whore (and a _nerd_) but then he remembered that Basch was much larger than him, and had no problem shoving freshmen into lockers, even if they wouldn't fit.

"I WAS JEALOUS!" Riku yelled, flailing about some more, nearly knocking over one of his models.

"Well, maybe you should have just asked to play with it too instead of RUINING MY CHILDHOOD INNOCENCE!" Sora yelled back, and he didn't care that Noah and Basch were both giving him weird looks; the only thing he cared about was the Riku was a liar. A friend-cheating liar.

And then he realized that he was overreacting. And that somehow made everything worse. So he did the mature thing, he turned around and ran towards Riku's front door. But not before getting in the last word. "I feel like I don't even know you!"

"SORA, WAIT!" Riku took off after Sora, abandoning his beautiful pterodactyl model on the table.

Noah and Basch, left all alone with no conscience to guide them, exchanged a look.

"... Do you think he'd notice if we... took it?"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Saturday – 1 Day until departing from Destiny Islands**

After catching Sora a few houses down the block and having the cops (or more accurately, his mother) called on him by a concerned neighbor, Riku was desperate for forgiveness for his heinous betrayal of friendship. He let Sora paint his (old) velociraptor even though it hurt to see Sora happily painting it all the wrong colors. Everything managed to go well, and Sora might have even forgiven him before he had to head home. Riku wasn't going to push his luck too much, otherwise he would have asked for the velociraptor back.

Saturday morning came much too soon, and even just the thought of Homecoming was making him feel horribly anxious and made him want to give up on life. It was Kairi's fault for inviting him; otherwise he would have ditched it, just like he had done his first try at freshman year. What color was Kairi wearing? Apparently he was supposed to match… He groaned and rolled over in his sleeping bag in an attempt to fall back asleep. Yellow. He could wear yellow; yellow went with everything (everyone else was just colorblind).


End file.
